Abrasive SpongeBob quotes from SpongeBob SquarePants

Lad, you're surrounded by stingy wisdom, so try to pick up some pointers. But whatever you do, don't lend anyone money!

SpongeBob

[lending money to another crab] 25, 26...

Squidward

Order up, SpongeBob! [walks to SpongeBob]

Squidward

SpongeBob, what do you think you're doing? You're supposed to be fry cooking. I told you not to touch my stuff!

SpongeBob

I didn't! I wore protective gloves! And besides, don't you like how classy it look now?

Squidward

Velvet..

SpongeBob

Now I'd like to stand by and idly chat with you, Squidward, But I must attend to my Krusty Krab duties! In the future, please keep your interruptions to a minimum sir, please!

Squidward

Hey, come back! I need my clarinet! Come back! Where are you? [bumps into an eagle's head]

I am the keeper of the horned forest, state your business here.

Squidward

Uh, I'm trying to find my clarinet.

Your clarinet?

Squidward

Yes, my clarinet! Which I am the proud owner.

[laughs] A clarinet is not owned. Why don't you tell me why you're really here?

Squidward

You calling me a LIAR?!

[grabs Squidward with his tongue] I don't appreciate your tone.

Squidward

I'm sorry I didn't mean to offend you.

This is a sacred place where clarinets live without persecution. You need to learn respect.

Squidward

[Eagle squeezed Squidward tightly; loosely] I've learned respect...

I don't believe you. [swallows Squidward and he ends up in the stomach, Squidward sees SpongeBob]

SpongeBob

Hi, Squidward! You wouldn't believe what I had to go through to get here.

Patrick

Hey, what happened? Why are those squiggles on the screen?

SpongeBob

Those are called "End Credits", Patrick.

Patrick

End credits? But I don't want it to end!

SpongeBob

That's why Neptune gave us the rewind button! [pushes a button]

Patrick

Thank you, Neptune! [The screen goes back to the beginning and zooms in before the episode ends]

[crying] What's the point of going on? I'll just be tortured for the rest of my life by that whale! [lies down] That's it. I'm done. The 4:15 bus should be along any time now.

SpongeBob

Hi, Plankton. What are you doing laying in the middle of the road?

Go away, Cheese head! Can't you see I'm trying to get run over?! In fact, better yet, just step on me as hard as you can. Would you do that for me?

SpongeBob

I'm sorry, Plankton, but that flies in the face of my good nature.

Forget it, kid. I'll just wait for the next bus. Go on back to the Krusty Krab and enjoy yourself.

SpongeBob

Squidward, no! Those patties aren't fit for public consumption!

Squidward

Here, enjoy!

SpongeBob

[tries not to cry] Bless you all.

Patrick

I like throwing food. [chucks a burnt Krabby Patty at SpongeBob]

SpongeBob

OW!

FOOD FIGHT!

SpongeBob

[bangs on the door] Plankton!

[opens the door and comes out] What?

SpongeBob

Sandy's in trouble. I need help rescuing her.

[gets some dynamite with a timer on it] I'm kind of busy right now.

SpongeBob

[about the bomb] Jeepers, it'll only take a minute.

Yeah, uh, I'd love to help, but I really got to go. [picks up the dynamite and carries it towards the Krusty Krab, and the dynamite blows up before Plankton gets to the Krusty Krab] Ouch.

Squidward

You know SpongeBob, in light of everything that just happened... I lied to you. I am not grateful for anything! I mean look at me. I don't even have a roof to sleep under, anymore!

SpongeBob

Well, I wouldn't say that.

Squidward

[enraged] Stop playing IN MY YARD!

SpongeBob

Oh, we're not playing in your yard, Squidward, we're playing in our yards! We're just using your yard as a walkway.

Patrick

No offense, but your yard gargles tartar sauce.

Squidward

[angrily] Well, pick one and leave my yard out of it!

Patrick

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! I'm good at choosing! Hmmmm... let's play in SpongeBob's yard! No! Patrick's! Errrr... SpongeBob! [sobs] I'm terrible at choosing! Squidward, you choose!

Squidward

[carries Patrick to his yard] I choose Patrick to play in Patrick's yard and SpongeBob in SpongeBob's yard. [carries SpongeBob to his yard. He draws a rectangle around his house] And nobody in here! [leaves]

Squidward

I knew you two reprobates were behind this!

SpongeBob

Yeah, we're reprobates!

Squidward

That was an insult!

Patrick

And we're insulted!

Squidward

Why were you digging under my yard?

SpongeBob

You told us not to walk on your yard, so we walked under it.

Squidward

But you buried my house!

Patrick

No need to thank us.

Squidward

THANK YOU?!?

Patrick

You're welcome.

SpongeBob

Must dig! Oh, the rock's too hard!

Squidward

[furiously comes towards them as SpongeBob and Patrick scream and panic; gasping and breathing heavily] You two morons SUNK MY HOUSE!

[crying] WE'RE SORRY!

Squidward

[enraged] I'm gonna- [rumble noise and they look up] Uh-oh. [the ground shakes and Bikini Bottom falls underground]

SpongeBob

[puts on the abrasive side] Ah, it feels like a glove.

Gary

Meow.

SpongeBob

Thanks, Gary! You're always there for me! Huh, I wonder how this thing works. [switches to the abrasive side]

Abrasive SpongeBob

Eh, why don't ya scram, you little freeloader? [switches back to SpongeBob, who blinks, then switches back to the abrasive side] Hmph! Bottom feeder!

SpongeBob

See ya, Gary!

Gary

Meow?

SpongeBob

[singing] I've got an abrasive side, abrasive side, abrasive side! I've got an abrasive side and now I can say "no"! Abrasive side, abrasive side, abrasive side, abrasive side, and now I can say...

Abrasive SpongeBob

NO!

Ahoy there, SpongeBob! I need you to work an extra 17 hour shift tonight!

SpongeBob

Oh, sure thing, Mr...

Abrasive SpongeBob

Sorry, Krabs. I'm busy! Unless you're paying me overtime.

Overtime? O... o... o-ver-time... [takes a dictionary, flips through its pages] Overtime? Hmm, let's see here. Over, oversold, overspend... ah! Overtime. "More money per hour..." [screams] What a filthy, disgusting word!