Mr. Hankey quotes from South Park

Kyle

Mr. Hankey, everyone's really mad at you. Were you on Twitter last night?

[slowly] Yeah.

Kyle

Did you tweet, "The kids of South Park are retarded homos who can't play music?"

[more slowly] Yeah.

Kyle

Why would you tweet that?! All the kids are really pissed off!

It was a bad attempt at a joke. I'm sorry. Will you tell the kids I didn't mean it?

Kyle

What do you want me to say?

The fact is, I couldn't sleep last night so I took some Ambien. Do you take that stuff? It turns your brain into oatmeal. Please, Kyle, tell the kids I didn't mean any harm. We've gotta focus on Christmas!

[furiously] Hankey! [Hankey turns to her and the other council members, all pissed at him] We need to talk about what you tweeted.

Oh, I'm sooo sorry. I took Ambien two nights ago and I called the schoolkids homos.

No, I'm talking about what you tweeted last night. [takes out her phone] "The city council members are a bunch of pussy-licking Islamists."

Oh-oh Jeez, did I say that? Listen, if you're tired and you can't sleep, DO NOT take Ambien. Okay? Whew!

I'm afraid we have no option but to fire you as executive planning manager of the city council.

Fire me? No, no, no, please. I-I'm really sorry. No, no wait! Wait, please give me another chance! Don't do this! What about Christmas?

Today, South Park says goodbye to Mr. Hankey. The longtime union of this town and the holiday figure is over for good. We should all feel pretty great about ourselves, give ourselves a little, nice pat on the back, as we, as a society, continue to try and sweep away all the poop.

Well, everyone, I guess this is goodbye. It sure has been swell.

No goodbyes, Mr. Hankey. You just need to go. We already called you a Poober.

A Poober? They have that? [A Lyft car honks and pulls up] Oh, you mean Lyft. Well, okay. Goodbye, everyone. I hope I brought a few smiles and a few laughs into your hearts.

[opens the back door for him, coldly] Goodbye, Mr. Hankey.

Stan

Where will he go?

He'll have to find a place that accepts racist, awful beings like him. There are still places out there who don't care about bigotry and hate.