Josh quotes from South Park

Tell me something first. When you went to the academy you had something to prove--you wanted to protect and serve but mostly you just wanted to protect yourself. Who were you protecting yourself from, Officer Barbrady?

Alright! Alright! My uncle Charles used to hit me with a belt!

Josh, were you doing the silly voice for the policeman again?

[in a normal, high-pitched voice] No sir.

Your uncle who hit you with a belt, was he a large man?

I don't have time for this, kid.

Did he stink like beer when he came home from work, all tired from playing down at the pool house?

All right, all right! My dad dressed me up like a little girl on poker nights and made me sit on all my uncles' laps! [breaks down into sobs]

[in a normal voice, but disturbed] ...Whoa. Er...oh. Thank you.

Will you people stop barging into my office, please?

What's the matter, Principal Victoria? Was your mother abusive? Did she spank your thighs with cold cuts and stick umbrellas up your ass?