[Sets Saquon's hands on an overturned cable spool] See what we got. Officer Gallagher, can you do me a favor?
In the trunk, there's a machete. You mind bringing it to me, please?
Yeah, my machete. See it?
[Carl unsheaths machete and hands it to Leesie] You ever been to Iraq, Saquon?
No? Ooh, I loved it over there. I did not wanna come home. Now, in Iraq, you steal, you don't go to jail. Nah, they cut off your hand. Punishment fits the crime, see?
Gallagher, don't just stand there. Come here. Keep this bitch from squirming. [Carl wraps around Saquon's torso] It's gonna take a couple hacks for this hand to come off. Here we go. [Chops machete besides Saquon's wrist who screams] Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey! Look at me. This was just a warning. I catch you stealing again, this hand's coming off. Go home. Change your pants. [Saquon takes off running] Scared Straight ain't got nothing on my shit.
How'd it go? Did you bury the hatchet?
You okay, baby? What's wrong?
So much. So much is wrong.
I don't know. You think? I thought we got to a pretty good place there at the end.
Well, one of them was skinning a deer, and then the other one was branding himself.
Right in their front yard. We have to move.
It's like living next to the Manson family, V. The blood?
I gotta get back out to finding Black folks. That's the only thing that's gonna fix this. Get out the vote. This is our home, not theirs.
If anyone's moving, it's them. Maybe this is it, the final stop in Caucasian evolution: white trash. In the end, we'll all be Milkoviches.
[Veronica giggles and he pokes head above Alibi bar counter before flashback scenes] Oh, sh- oh, hey! Uh, V? [Stands up and doing up pants]
V. Did you know they were coming?
No! Hell no! 'Scuse me. Can I help you? Oh, sure, this is what you're here for? Okay, here's what happened last week on Shameless. Married people you know with kids can still have fantastic sex. [Veronica goes down with Kevin undoing pants and going down]
[Lip and Brad are breaking into their motorcycle repair shop with Mickey]
Fuck! Darker than Satan's asshole in here.
All right, Imma hit parts. Mick, grab some bikes, and, uh, Brad, office.
Wait, why are you using real names?
Hey, relax, we're gonna take the security camera.
And what- what if they bugged the place?
Hey, Mission Impossible, less talking, more stealing. What the fuck is this shit?
Hey, hey, three grand in the safe.
Yo, hey, hey. Fuck that one. It's a piece of shit. Grab some chrome pipes and carburetors, parts room.
Shit feels expensive. It's heavy.
[Mickey drops objects smashing it] Hey, what the fuck you doing?!
Making it look like Mexicans broke in!
Fucking freezing in here. Why'd you get a refrigerated truck?
'Cause, Brad, there's not a lot of options last-minute.
Where we fencing this shit?
I don't know. Out of state, probably.
Wait, you haven't lined up a fence yet?
Great fucking plan, Lip. Which one of you geniuses came up with it?
Well, it was a group effort: me, Brad, couple of six-packs.
Couple of s- You off the wagon again?
"Just one night", isn't that what every alcoholic says?
Okay, here we go. Two beautiful girls ready to show their mommy off at school. Oh, I am so excited to be class parent. I need a break from the adults. Hey, how many voters did you register yesterday Three in five hours. So many good Black folks died from the virus or moving away. I'm starting to think we should give up and leave the South Side to the gentrifiers. Hey, those gentrifiers buy weed, the expensive stuff with the weird names. I had some hipster kid come in for an edible yesterday. He said that we're the up-and-coming... neighborhood, said we're the next Pilsen.
Pilsen? The place where they do art walks?
Yeah, and the fancy food trucks. The other kids are gonna be so jealous of you. You guys have the sexiest mama on the South Side. A- and the smartest. Damn right, the smartest. Girls, in 2021, we are ignoring the male gaze and focusing on our minds. It's where the energy needs to go.
Well, this male gaze is gonna focus on you walking out that door. [Veronica turns head in recognition]
[Frank is in the shower] Frank, can I ask you something? [Frank grunts] Do you believe in God? I mean, the evidence is thin, but I think God is real... [Frank grunts] ...which means so is Hell. [Frank groans] Say you did something bad by accident. Do you still go down there and get tortured by demons?
[Pokes head aside of shower curtains] Little hard to masturbate when you keep asking me questions about Catholicism, kid. It's fine. I give up anyway. Son, Hell, much like prisons, is just a way to frighten people into submission. You can buy a pardon from the Catholic Church, be absolved of your sins, just like you can buy a judge. It's the oldest scam in the book.
More than you'll ever have. If you're worried about something, go confess. Light some candles, say some Hail Marys, and voila , you're back on God's good side, unless, of course, you did something really bad. Then you'll be tormented in the deepest depths of Hell for eternity.
Hey, Timmy. It's me, Liam, from next door.
TTimmy
I know who you are.
Um, I heard about your Uncle Terry.
TTimmy
Not my uncle, my dad. Well, guess he's actually my uncle and my dad.
TTimmy
Why do you give a shit?
TTimmy
Only time a man apologizes for something is if he did it or knows who did. You know who it was? Do you?
No! I was just trying to--
TTimmy
When we find the bastard that shit Pappy Terry, he'll be more than paralyzed. We'll cut him up, bleed him out, grind him up, and feed him to our dogs.
Mm, don't you look beautiful!
No, sir. You let Lip hide stolen motorcycles in Kev-Fit. You and I don't have anything to say to each other until this is over.
It's only for a couple of days! Did you see that chopper? I've always wanted a chopper like that. I'd be ten times more fuckable in a chopper.
If you get on that chopper, you're never gonna get... [ turns head in reference to daughters and says softly] ..fucked again.
Brad's got a buyer in Indiana. Him and Lip are running two of them there today.
Get rid of them. All of them.
Yes, ma'am. Girls, you ready to go to school?
[Following daughters] Where the hell are they going?
Who's in there? [Walking to closet with Liam holding daughters breakfast plates] Liam?
Everyone's moving on with their lives, and I'm gonna end up homeless. Can I live with you?
All right, cool. Girls, let's go.
[Extends hand to Liam who takes it and gets up] Come on. I gotta go sign in voters. It's election day. But in the meantime, you and I are gonna talk about why young Black men can't go around breaking into people's houses. Come on.
A Gallagher has lived in that house since before statehood. My great-great-great grandfather Connell built it on the foundation of a Kickapoo hut, and it's mine. I should have a say. I should have... more than a say. I'm their father. I gotta... I gotta stop this. Thank... thank you. Thanks for talking me through this. I'll see you later. [Camera reveals bartender is a black woman that is not Veronica]
BBartender
You gonna pay for those beers?
BBartender
You don't have a tab.
[Looks around and realizes the drinking establishment is not The Alibi] Um... Where... how did I get here?
BBartender
I don't know how you got here, but I know how you leaving if you don't pay for your beers.
I ordered five beers, didn't drink any of them?
BBartender
Don't care if you drink them or not, long as you pay for them.
BBartender
Chubby! [Tall burly man appears]
Jesus. [Frank gets thrown out of drinking establishment]
DDetainee
Psst! You wanna watch me jerk off?
Thanks, but fuck no. [Police sergeant enters] Hey, you got any updates on what's goin' on?
PSPolice sergeant
When the detectives are ready for you, they'll let ya know.
All right, could I get a sandwich or somethin'?
PSPolice sergeant
Legally don't gotta provide any food, 'cause legally you're not under arrest.
All right, so legally, I can just go.
PSPolice sergeant
Sure, but you try to leave, they probably will arrest you and bring you right back in. [Lip exhales]
Ah, he'll be all right. It's not his first time getting questioned. He can handle an interrogation.
You can't just use your cop "get outta jail free" card? When I get in, I'm gonna try to grease the wheels of justice.
Do we have any triple-A batteries?
That's a big hole. Coulda just said he wanted to renovate.
Your brother's a fuckin' drama queen, man. Hey, scarf that shit down. I wanna go check on Terry. We have a lotta pick-ups today.
I don't know if we have time. We would if you stopped yappin' and started eatin'.
You guys remember I have a thing after school, right?
What thing? Don't ya want your dad there, cheerin' you on?
Well, what is it, anyway?
A contest to pick a new name for my school. The winner gets a free iPad.
Why does your school need a new name?
'Cause it's named after Dennis Hastert.
Former speaker of the House of Representative. Native Chicagoan. And a child molester. He's canceled.
Canceled? You can't cancel history. It's already happened. Political correctness is gonna kill this country.
Uh, beside the point. We can't be applying today's sexual standards to... molesters of yesteryear.
Molesting used to be okay?
Dennis Hastert brought a lotta federal dollars to Illinois. I don't think I can just stand by while the PC police erase his legacy.
This is the hill you wanna die on, Frank? Defending a pedo?
Defending tradition, defending our shared history? Yeah. I'll die on this hill. This is a hill we all should die on together.
Come on. Hey, let's go. I wanna make sure they're takin' care of fuckin' Terry over there.
All right, my love, I let ya sleep in. I even turned a blind eye when you moved from the bed to the couch and slept some more. But now it's time to carpet denim.
Carpet denim. It's Latin for wake up!
Oh, I just wanna sleep. Please.
My mama's moving. She's abandoning us. What's there to talk about?
Oh, we can go visit for holidays and stuff. Who doesn't wanna spend Christmas in Kentucky? V, if you don't get up, we're gonna be late opening the Alibi.
What about the girls? We gotta get them ready... you don't want me doing their hair, do you?
V, you're the one who always says that a white woman can take her daughter to school lookin' any old way, but if a Black woman does it, people start to question whether she's a fit mother...
Is there anything I can do to get you up?
[Heading upstairs] I'm goin' back upstairs and gettin' into bed. You keep botherin' me, I'ma stab your ass.
See, I was at home with my lady and my kid. All right? She'll vouch for me. The kid, he can't talk yet, but if he could, he'd say Daddy was home all night.
MMale detective
[Tosses binder on table] We have your juvenile arrest records, okay? So you can drop the choir boy act.
No, you see, tha- that's the old me, all right? I'm reformed now. I'm sober, even. You know, I'm not sayin' I'm a saint but, uh, I'm a family man, makin' an honest living.
FFemale detective
Okay, asshole, we know that you were involved with the robbery, so you can either cooperate, or we can make you cooperate.
All right, first of all, if you knew I was involved in the robbery, I'd be in cuffs right now, and second of all, I am cooperating. What am I doing if I'm not cooperating?
MMale detective
Look, make it easy on yourself. Tell us where the bikes are, who helped you, and maybe we can recommend you avoid doin' real time.
Hey, can I go? [Gets up and leaves interrogation room]
Uh, hey, could you look up something related to a recent arrest for me?
DSDesk sergeant
Sure. What's the name of the perp?
DSDesk sergeant
Rookie, are you really asking me to break every protocol in the book so you can potentially interfere with an ongoing investigation involving one of your family members?
DSDesk sergeant
I'm fuckin' with you. [Laughs] I misuse this system all the time. One of the perks of the job.
DSDesk sergeant
Hmm. No arrest yet, but they are seeking a warrant for his house. Just waitin' on a judge's signature.
SSSergeant Stamps
Gallagher.
Ah, ma'am. Do you know who my new training officer's gonna be?
SSSergeant Stamps
Training officer? That's not gonna happen. No one wants to work with you on account of the Carl Curse.
SSSergeant Stamps
The Carl Curse. Everyone who trained you ends up injured. You ever heard of a lucky rabbit's foot?
SSSergeant Stamps
You're the opposite of that. Now, not all bad news. I got you a new assignment.
SSSergeant Stamps
They just walked in.
HDetective Hightower
Take off that uni and meet us outside.
YDetective Young
You're with Vice now.
SSSergeant Stamps
God, how cool are they?
