[Carl is hanging with K.J., Emiliano and Stump outside the Captain Bob's outlet on smoke break while perusing phone]
KJK.J.
Ahoy, mateys. Break's over. Come on.
Hey, yo, can I ask you guys something real quick?
[Showing phone picture of Debbie and Kelly with backyard hose] What do you think this picture's of?
EEmiliano
It's easy. It's hot, is what it is.
KJK.J.
Two fucking hot lesbians being fucking hot.
EEmiliano
Yeah, lesbian porn.
Yo, that's my sister and my girlfriend.
KJK.J.
Which one's your sister?
KKJ
Uh, she's macking on your girl, huh?
Hey, hey. Why the hell'd you let DCFS in here?
I'm sorry. I had no idea who that guy was. I-I didn't...
Who the fuck did you think that was?! He's wearing a tie and he's got a fucking clipboard.
I was asleep! I'm not a fucking mind reader. Why didn't you tell me they were coming?
Yes. Maybe if I'd known DCFS was dropping by...
Jesus Christ. Do you have any idea how much you fucked this up for me?
This is not my fault. I did not invite DCFS here.
I did not leave a... a furnace in the house...
...Or kids in a Pack 'n Play, or an open hole in the fucking floor.
No, but you sure as shit didn't help, Fiona. The old Fiona would've handled this, would've spun shit, would've covered for me.
What was I supposed to do, huh? Bake him a fucking cake?
No, but I expected you to not be drunk in the middle of the day. How about that, huh?
[Laughs derisively] Maybe I'm tired of playing Susie fucking Sunshine all the time, huh? Think of that? 'Cause if I want to be drunk in the middle of the fucking day, that is my fucking business!
Do you want to split another with me, or you want your own when you're back?
Split with you. [To Carl] Be right back, fry guy. I'm so proud of you. [Kisses him on cheek]
The fuck you think you're doing?!
Putting peanut butter on a Ritz.
No, with Kelly. Why you trying to get with her?
I'm not fronting. Her and I just get along good.
Aren't I supposed to get along well with my brother's girlfriend if she's awesome?
No, she's my awesome, not your awesome.
She's not a lesbian, dumb-ass.
Exactly. She's not gay. Although she is the kind of girl who could come out later in life. I'm not getting total gay vibes, but it's inconclusive, so... I'd say yeah, she'll probably eventually end up gay.
Just knock it off. I mean it.
There's nothing going on between me and your girlfriend. Keep your blouse on, Carl.
100 days he was sober, Fiona.
Jason from the shop. I'm his sponsor. You just got my sponsee fucking drunk.
He didn't say he was your--.
[Yelling] 100 DAYS HE WAS SOBER!
And that's sad. I'm sorry for him. But it's not my fault. I didn't know.
No, nothing's your fault anymore, huh?
You weren't there. You don't know.
I know someone waved vodka in his face. I know when he left you, he called his dealer, and he shot up heroin.
Oh. I'm sorry. Look, I didn't know.
No, you didn't care enough to know.
[Carl, Debbie and Kelly appear confused]
Listen to me. I want you out of this fucking house. [Fiona snickers and smiles at Lip]
What'd I miss? Ooh, candy corn.
Why is Fiona's shit in trash bags?
'Cause I told her to leave and she's still here. Thought I'd give her a hand.
Yeah, 'cause of Xan and Jason and all the other fucking things. Okay. Look, I'll see you later, all right? I gotta catch Tami before work.
You guys get into a fight or something?
No, she, uh... she's pregnant.
Holy shit. She gonna keep it?
That'd be so cool. Franny could have a little cousin.
Yeah, look, I don't know. I just found out yesterday, Debs, so I don't know what the fuck we're gonna do.
You guys could all live here. Tami and I can take turns babysitting.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. I'm sorry I mentioned it. [To Franny] You want a cousin, right? Uncle Lip's baby.
Good morning, former coworker.
No need to panic, Eliza. I'm just here for my final paycheck.
Okay, sure. I'll be right back.
Thanks. Hey, you got my tip-out?
My tip-out. My share of the ti... You know what a tip-out is, Karina Where are my tips?
KKarina
Um, well, we didn't think that you were...
You guys just stole my fucking tips? Wow, that is cold. That's okay, I'll just take this.
Thank you. Oh, hey, what's up, Judas? Hey, winner. I'd refill your coffee, but I don't work here anymore, so... here you go.
...you know those eggs aren't really cage-free, right? The menu's full of lies. Enjoy.
You got your last paycheck. Please leave, or I'll have to call the cops.
Oh, the cops. Let's call them. They can find out where my stolen tips went.
Where's my Buccaneer Biscuits at? [Claps hand]
KJK.J.
Going as fast as I can, Lori!
[To Carl] Buccaneer Biscuits selling like crazy. Adding fried clams to the bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit was a great idea.
Just a fry guy with big ideas who wants to serve his country. You ever read The Tipping Point, Malcolm Gladwell?
Buccaneer Biscuits, tipping point. Trust me, you're gonna go places.
KJK.J.
I sell weed out the back.
I know you do, KJ, and I appreciate your desire for a better life. But Carl here, he's helping us sell shit inside the store, okay? [Pats K.J.'s back and follows Carl] You know, they used to call this place Mr. Bob's. They started calling it Captain Bob's when they added seafood to the menu. Now it's all seafood. That man's a goddamn visionary.
Sure, you can, rock star. Be back in ten, okay?
Ugh, feels like someone kicked me in the balls.
Well, the heat doesn't help. You gotta get some AC in here, man.
Thing's on its last legs, givin' it all she's got.
Oh. V, is there a kid kicking me in the nuts right now? 'Cause it feels like there's a child repeatedly kicking me in the balls.
No, baby, just leave ice on it.
Be better in no time, Kev. Hang in there, man.
Yeah, hang in there, buddy.
What's going on with him?
He had a vasectomy, little swelling.
Little swelling? My ball's the size of a grapefruit, V.
Why didn't V just tie her tubes? Old-school, piece of cake.
Okay, I'm right here. I'll take this one. Do you even know what you're saying? A vasectomy is like this, really, on one ball, and it's already on the outside of your body. My shit is on the inside. They have to cut into my stomach twice, pull my tubes out of my body, rope 'em off, and then put 'em back inside me. I should slap your face.
[To Kevin] You gon' live, baby.
[Professor opens door to Frank] Professor.
PProfessor
[Leading Frank to basement of stockpiled of food and supplies] I have a generator.
PProfessor
No one in this neighborhood... EVER... plans ahead.
The future is scary, Professor. It's easier not to think about-
PProfessor
Unless there's money to be made. [Frank points at him in agreement]
Morning, Sweathogs. Blackout, we got a blackout.
No shit, Frank. That's why we're all sitting here in the dark.
Sounds great. I'll take one. What are you doing here? What are you doing here?
Well, congratulations. You apply for unemployment yet? My advice is, do it in person. If you do it online, they'll pretend they never got the application.
Well, welcome to the ranks of the unemployed.
Yeah, I'm fine with it. I mean, fuck them. Being broke sucks, though.
Ah, you get used to it. You just gotta be creative.
[Laughs] That's funny. You know, life is not all sunshine and rainbows for me either, kiddo. Ingrid left me. Took all my children with her. I'm still here. My unborn children. I don't think I'll ever get over it. V, a shit of Jame-o, please.
[Lumbering past them] Oh, my God, ow.
[Makes cutting gesture] Vasectomy.
[Reading from phone] A substation blew up. Gonna be at least another hours before the power's back up.
What? God damn it. Oh, we're screwed.
[To Fiona] If you need a little walking-around money, you should hang out with me today.
Because of a little something I like to call "monetizing my neighbors' lack of foresight."
You mean rippin' people off.
Completely legit. No one prepares for blackouts around here, so they rush to the store for ice or batteries or what have you. Too late, everything's sold out. Panic ensues, and where there's panic, there's money to be made. That's where I come in. Frank's Blackout Supply has everything you need.
Really? How's the view from up there, Miss High and Mighty? Last time I checked, we were in the same freakin' bar drinking warm beer together.
Fair point. Do I charge a little more?
Yes. Double. The peace of mind of a candle or fresh batteries, priceless. So you in or out?
Aw, come on. I could use a pretty face. It legitimizes the whole thing.
After I recoup my cost, 20 percent.
Jesus Ch... Who's gouging now?
Fifty percent, final offer.
No one's gonna buy anything from you, Frank. You're Frank.
Deal, 50. [They shake hands]
Gallagher Blackout Supply.
[Going through box] Whose porn is this?
It's mine. Giving it to KJ now.
Oh, why you getting rid of your porn, tater tot?
Just the girl-on-girl stuff. Kinda makes me sad.
[Going through DVDs] Yeah. Seen it. Seen it. In it.
[Frank is sleeping in the abandoned apartment building of Fiona's when a wrecking ball bursts through and Frank flees the premises]
What the fuck were you doing in there?! You crazy?!
I was just... I just... calm...
Get the hell out of here! You trying to get yourself killed?! [Frank runs out to street and is nearly hit by a vehicle and falls onto metal fence frames] Are you all right, man?!
Are you sure? You went down hard. Joey, you better call an ambulance.
No, no. No... [Laughs] No ambulance. I'm fine.
Yeah. I'm right as rain. [Walks away]
TMr. Tamietti
Uh, hi, Mr. Tamietti. You and I need to talk, son.
TMr. Tamietti
Tami's having this baby, and I need to know what your plan is.
Uh, she's... she's keeping the baby? I mean, she seemed undecided the last that we, uh...
TMr. Tamietti
Oh, yeah. She's keeping the baby. That's not open for discussion.
No, no, sir. I just mean, um, last time we talked, she- she seemed unclear about what she wanted to do.
TMr. Tamietti
Oh, it's clear. She's having the baby.
[Debbie, Carl and Kelly burst in front door carrying Frank]
Good God. Almost there. A little help here!
Okay, okay, okay. Put me down. Put me down, no more. Down there!
Is that bone? What the fuck?! Why didn't you call an ambulance?
Mollies... A few personal items... And acid.
Is that why you didn't want to call an ambulance?
TMr. Tamietti
Uh, who the hell is that?
TMr. Tamietti
Why doesn't he want an ambulance?
Because the paramedics would've emptied his pockets, found the drugs, and called the cops.
Uh, you know, Mr. Tamietti, why don't we go get a cup of coffee or something, yeah? [Leads Mr. Tamietti away]
I had an opportunity to invest some of my Ingrid severance money, and I took it.
If you're done hiding your stash, can I call 911?
Not until my associates come and we complete our transaction.
