[Calling upstairs and then sits at table] Okay. Breakfast, my offspring. Who wants to join Papa and Queenie for some morning fuel?
Queenie[Hands him a cup of green smoothie] Mmm. Cleans your insides, Frankie. Smells like you wouldn't know a colon cleanse if it ran right through your cute little rectum. [They both laugh]
Thank you, my confederate Queen. Rest of these ingrates could care less about the state of my colon, but not you.
Queenie
Well, you're the king of your castle, Frankie. Don't let those young uns forget who's papa.
I'm glad someone finally recognizes that.
Queenie
And you're still a sexy fucker.
I got a brand-new liver. I'm as good as 18 again.
Queenie
Ah, hell of a stud you were at that age. You could do things with your tongue that would make a rattlesnake blush.
Whoo! Best sexual era of my life.
Queenie
Mm.
South Side was never so bright as the day you crossed the Mason-Dixon Line and came into my loins. [Laughs] And now, it's 18-year-old déjà vu all over again.
Queenie
Oh, just temporary, Frankie. The grandson's probation papers should be coming through in the next three days, and then it is back to the Eco Village for Chuckie and me.
That's nonsense. What do they got on a farm we don't have here?
Queenie
Eco-conscious living. Everything is solar powered. Working out there as an herbalist.
Queenie
Yeah, organic farming. It's not like all this urban wasteland that you have here. I finally found my calling, Frankie. Helping and healing people, that's what I do.
You can't leave now. We're having too much fun. What's a king without a Queenie by his side?
Queenie
Well, them's the rules of free love, Frankie. Mwah. Mama is a rollin' stone. Now drink up.
[Chuckie knocks on front door and Frank appears]
Kid, what are you doing here?
They sent me home from school. [Attempts to go in house but Frank thwarts him]
Well, beat it. Your grandma and I are gonna get into some action. No cock-blocking. [Chuckie turns around]
Queenie
[Appears in door] Hey, wait. What's going on here?
[Gets ahold of Chuckie and guides him into house] Yeah, buddy, who got you all snot-nosed?
Queenie
[They sit on couch] Oh, my gosh. Who upset my little woodchuck?
Queenie
Well, wh- you weren't fighting, were you? You're still on probation.
No. My teacher wouldn't let me share my book report in class and sent me to the principal's office.
Queenie
Well, what for?
[Takes report from Chuckie] Well, it's just a wild guess, but maybe the report topic. [Hands report to Queenie]
Queenie
Mein Kampf. Hitler's Mein Kampf?
Advanced-level fascism. I didn't even know the boy could read.
Queenie
[Sighs] Well, I would have preferred Gandhi, but it's not your fault. The juvenile prison system has warped your brain.
SPSchool principal 1
Your grandson Charles tried to read a very offensive book report to Mr. Schwiebert's class.
The boy doesn't know what he's saying.
Our grandson is a little slow between the ears.
SPSchool principal 2
Your grandson seems to believe that he's a Nazi. Any ideas where he's getting that from?
SPSchool principal 1
Charles received a suspension as a lesson for his behavior and a failing grade on the paper.
Queenie
His shit-for-brains mother couldn't pass gas, let alone middle school. My grandson wrote an entire report here and you're gonna fail him for this?
Hey, I read it. A couple of grammatical things here and there. He didn't remember to capitalize Auschwitz, but the kid can write.
SPSchool principal 2
Hitler's diatribe on Aryan superiority is not an appropriate theme for a sixth grade book report.
Did you tell the class they couldn't write about Nazis?
SPSchool principal 2
Well, usually, they're not writing from the Nazi perspective, so no. Look, it's okay to write about mass murders. You just can't side with the mass murderers.
Uh, this is a direct attack on his First Amendment rights, a right, I might add, that belongs to everyone regardless of intelligence deficiencies or possible retardation. Yes, but there are conditions to those rights, like yelling "fire" in a public theater or preaching white supremacy to middle school students.
SPSchool principal 1
Look, we simply can't allow Hitler's hate speech to alienate our diverse student body. We've worked very hard to create an open atmosphere for all our students.
Look, you can't go teaching equality and then get your human rights panties in a bunch when it comes with a couple of wedgies. Every asshole is entitled to his beliefs. That's the yin and the yang of democracy. It's the same freedom that allows you to teach wearing [[w:Kippah|that silly beanie and [[w:Multiculturalism|those Crayola-colored kids]] out there to go to school together. It- it doesn't matter anyway. Pretty soon, there's not gonna be any [[w:Judaism|Jew]] or [[w:Aryan|Aryan]] or [[w:Hinduism|Hindu]] or [[w:Islam|Muslim]] or [[w:Mexican people|Mexican]] or [[w:African American|Blacks]]. There's just gonna be the rich and the fucked, and our grandson is already one of the fucked. So at least let the boy express the degenerate ideas he can actually comprehend, and that, my multicultural friends, [[w:Pledge of Allegiance|is liberty and justice for all]]! Or we could call [[w:United States Attorney General|the attorney general]] and the [[w:American Civil Liberties Union|ACLU]]. I'm sorry, I probably should have started with that.
Queenie
Tribe! Breakfast! [Gallagher kids come filing in] Good morning. Morning.
Queenie
We eat in the dining room like civilized people.
Queenie
Since Queenie. Have a seat. Let's get you your flaxseed oil pills. [To Ian] Good for the heart. [To Liam] Mmm. Good for the hair, [TO Chuckie] your colon, [To Frank's place] Daddy, [To Carl] prostate, yeah, [To Debbie] and your baby.
[Sets down pans] Quinoa pancakes and yucca fries.
What the hell is a quinoa?
[Gets up] Yeah, I'm just gonna go to Mickey D's.
[Gets up] I'm gonna study at my boyfriend's.
[Gets up] Carl, can you give me a ride to the baby store?
Queenie
[Pounds table] Come back now. Look, your father went to great lengths to prepare this breakfast for you with love. So you're gonna sit your little asses down and enjoy it. [Tussling Frank's hair] Need to have a little more respect for this man right here.
Queenie
[Sings] Help me, I think I'm falling [Frank joins in] In love again [To Debbie and Carl] Join us.
QFQueenie and Frank
When I get that crazy feeling, I know I'm in trouble again
I don't want to know the words.
Queenie
Fake it. [Sings] I'm in trouble, 'Cause you're a rambler and a gambler, and a sweet-talking ladies' man...
[Frank answers door to Lamar still singing]
LLamar
Lamar. Is Carl here?
He's enjoying breakfast with his family. Come back some other time?
[Sings] I've seen some hard, hard cases come down to smoke and ash...
LLamar
Haven't checked in lately, white boy. Where the fuck you been at?
Been here and there. G-Dogg got a shipment coming through tomorrow. Need you to run it. I think Imma sit this one out.
LLamar
Sit this one out? [Scoffs] You a comedian?
No. [Lamar pistol whips Carl on the forehead who falls down]
LLamar
[To Carl with a bleeding forehead] You think you can just tag in and out like a little girl playing Chinese jump rope? You in this game for life, fuck, so get your ass to the spot tomorrow morning.
[Frank and Queenie are making love with Frank on top]
Queenie
Your queen doth love what you do with your scepter, King Frank. [both laugh]
Oh, God. Your king... is about to blow his load into your moat, my queen. [both laugh]
Queenie
One thing before you do, my regal stallion.
Huh? Pray tell, my love. Huh? What? [Queenie flips over with Frank] Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Queenie
[Laughs] Oh, yeah. We're almost out of shillings
Oh, you tell me that now?
Queenie
Well, I'm gonna have to go back to the commune and get more organic produce and sell it.
[Repeatedly] I'll get money. [Flips Queenie over with him back on top]
Queenie
Proceed with your manly duties, my lord Yes. Oh, fuck me.
[Carl is outside bedroom door and puts hoodie over ears] I'm coming my brains out.
Queenie
Come in.
Frank, I need to talk to you.
Queenie
[Gets up to leave] I will leave the king and the prince to do their business.
That, my son, is the beautiful stench of animal, lust, and earth. I'm glad you came by.
A letter to Sean's ex-wife.
Carl, why is Fiona writing a letter to Sean's ex-wife?
I don't want to talk about it.
Okay, great. I'll just stand here and drink my coffee in silence.
To the commune with Queenie.
Except you're not, 'cause you have school, remember?
I need a supportive environment. Not gonna get it here.
So that's it for high school, huh? Pregnant dropout at 15. Well played.
You got to graduate, Debs.
Have you heard of "unschooling"? It's a widely recognized form of education.
Queenie says it's when you get knowledge from life instead of books. Like making spaghetti, when you measure water, pasta, salt. That's math.
If I'm desperate, I can just get my GED. You know, like you did.
Queenie, are you going to support Debbie as she "unschools" her way through life?
Queenie
Well, I have so many friends in the commune who have never had a day of conventional education, and they have so much worldly wisdom.
You want to quit school, Debs, I can't stop you. Enjoy yourself at... what is it?
Queenie
Soaring Consciousness Ecovillage. A hundred acres, very peaceful. Oh, and if you see Lip, tell him never to stifle his passion. Ta-ta.
Queenie
Hey, Frankie, baby. We're off to the commune.
Queenie
Chuckie's probation papers came yesterday. Grandma is a rolling stone.
That's a great idea. Lying under the stars in a rural paradise. Fresh air, crackling fire. Jeez, that sounds nice. Are we taking the van? [Gets in]
Queenie
Don't you need to pack?
Queenie
Okay.
[Van arrives at the commune]
[Gets out van] Ooh, a little nippy.
[Gets out holding up phone] Freezing. And no service. Where's your house?
[Points] My tent's right up there.
We gonna see a mountain lion?
Queenie
No, we're not, Chuckles.
You were right all along. I wasn't listening. This is where we were meant to be together. Out in the fresh, crisp air, the smell of pine.
Queenie
Jupiter.
JJupiter
You were sorely missed. [He and Queenie hold each others heads and lean towards each other touching foreheads]
Queenie
Everybody, this is Jupiter, a founding father of Soaring Conciousness.
JJupiter
[Referring to Debbie] And is this...?
Queenie
The one I wrote to you about.
JJupiter
[Walks up to Debbie and puts both hands on shoulders] We all hoped you'd come, Deborah. And here you are. Here, let me help you inside. [Wraps blanket on Debbie]
Nice of you to bring her a blanket. It is chilly. I know I'm cold.
Aah! This hurts so much! Queenie! Aah!
Queenie
Hey. Are you all right?
I think I felt something. [Groans] Like a cramp.
Queenie
Did it hurt?
[Groans] I'm not due for another week.
Queenie
Mother nature knows no clock. Orgasms can induce. I'm surprised the baby didn't pop out days ago, the way you've been strumming your guitar.
A- am I in labor? Is the baby coming?
Queenie
No, just relax. Not for a while, okay? But still, I think we should go.
Queenie
To the birthing tent.
[Walks up to a tent standing outside] Debs, we never talked baby names. What do you think about naming her after your great-grandmother? She was a vicious cunt, but "Rose Gallagher" has a- a ring to it, don't you think?
Queenie
What are you doing, Frank?
Queenie
Oh, she's not in there. We took her to the birthing tent.
Queenie
Well, maybe. But if she is, the baby won't come for a day or two.
Shameless · 903 quotes
