Is there a Hallmark card for "I'm sorry your dad's been raping you"?
What are you gonna say to her?
Me? What the hell am I gonna say?
"Kev thought he saw you f*cking your dad, maybe?
[Sighs] You're right. All right, I'm not running away from this It's time to man up. [Walks over to Svetlana doing accounting] So how was your morning?
SvetlanaLong line at bank.
Right. Bank. How are things with your dad?
Svetlana
I'm busy.
You... you... you guys... You guys fight a lot. And does... does it... does it... Does it ever get out of hand? Where you can't fight him off?
Svetlana
Why you babble like someone who has stroke? Make sense, please.
Okay. Your dad pimped you out. Did he ever sample the goods? Try on the merchandise? Take you out for a test drive? [Svetlana just stares at him, takes off her glass, gets up and walks away with Veronica sitting near him] I got nothing. Don't be mad.
Svetlana
[Enters Alibi Room with blood on face, chest and shirt] I'm back.
Damn. What... what happened to your face?
Svetlana
Mission accomplished. Yvon is gone. We are thrupple again.
Svetlana
He's no longer in our lives.
What did you say to him? How did he take it?
Svetlana
This is immaterial. We move forward now. [Looks at cut in reflective wall tile] Ah!
You got to give us more than that.
Svetlana
Ah, he causes divide between us. I get rid of divide. [Svetlana takes framed picture off of wall and defaces Yvon's face with a knife]
Thank you for taking that down. That was creeping me out. [Svetlana puts framed picture back on wall] Yeah, that's way less creepy.
Svetlana
I got rid of him. We are back to normal now.
I'm not sure if you guys were ever normal.
Got rid of, like, packed his bags, or got rid of, like, shot him and dumped him in the river?
Svetlana
What don't you understand?
Well, for starters, where his body is.
Svetlana
Eh, you know, we go round and round in circles. It gets us nowhere. I'm going to go into the back and do inventory. I'm glad we're back to normal, yeah?
Van's gone! Tittie van, stolen!
I parked it out on the street last night, now it's not there!
Who in the world would want to steal that van?!
People who like boobs, people who like ice cream, people who like driving!
Svetlana
It was insured!
Svetlana
It was, and I already report stolen.
I don't understand what that wink's about! V can tell me later.
Svetlana
I made us good insurance money.
You should've talked to him first.
Svetlana
He doesn't want to talk to me.
He'll come around. You just need to give him some time.
Svetlana
I made us good money. He is mad now, but come Christmas when we spoil babies, he will thank me.
Gemma said "egg" this morning.
She said "omelet" to me last week. She also said "horsey" and "twat," but I think she was trying to say, "trot." What?
Svetlana
You love V. I love V. We don't need love, me and you. We need like and desire. I still like you, even though you are douche bag when angry, and I still desire you. Do you still desire me?
Svetlana
Spasibo. You stop being douche bag, you could put your face between them like before.
Stop stealing my shit and I'll stop being a douche bag.
Svetlana
I get insurance, I report stolen. I collect insurance, I hide van. [Takes canvas off of a vehicle to reveal Kevin's van] You wait two weeks, you can paint, you make ice cream again. Okay.
[Frank is thrown out of The Alibi Room with two other men by Svetlana wielding a broom]
Stop! I have to ask you something! Why was the broom late for the meeting?! [Pause] It overswept!
Svetlana
Stay out!
[Looking down] Frank! It's me, baby.
...
[Following Frank down street] I fucked up. I know I fucked up. I fucked up bad, but I-I'm gonna make it up to you and the kids. Frankie. I need your help. [Frank unlocks door to Fiona's laundromat] You could at least turn around and look at me. Frank?
[Goes in and closes door] Go fuck yourself.
Svetlana
Who is this spastic woman?
Frank's wife. The kids' mother.
Svetlana
Kids have a mother?
You gonna tell us where you've been, Monica?
Iowa. Some shitsville roadhouse off the 80. Bunch of truckers. More guns than teeth in that place. Once, I saw a guy skin a buck in the parking lot with a rock and a rope.
Wow, civility is alive and well.
So, what brings you back to town?
Frank and the kids. I'm gonna make good. You hear that, Lip? I got a plan. I'm gonna set you and the kids up for life.
We figured it out. The adoption papers thing? Pretty tricky stuff.
Svetlana
Hmm. And I slept in shit room upstairs like you asked. Now can we be a thrupple again?
Uh, pretty sure that's a no since you betrayed us and stole our bar.
Svetlana
It is not betrayal. I am superior manager at Alibi. It should be in my name, not yours. This is not news.
Oh, yeah? Then why'd you do it behind our backs?
Svetlana
It's simple. You would try to stop me.
Good point. Still shitty.
Svetlana
The way you run bar, we are bankrupt in six months. You are big, lovable poppa, but you are stupid manager. I save us. Now we have money for our family.
Well, we want it back. And I'm not stupid.
Svetlana
You didn't know the difference between adoption papers and sales documents.
Wordy stuff confuses me, and it's not the same. And taking our bar is way worse than being stupid. It's cunty.
Svetlana
Overdraft charges on many checks, penalties for late taxes, no insurance, distributors overcharging for alcohol? Stupid.
V was in love with you. And nobody breaks her heart but me. Except I don't break her heart. So that leaves nobody.
Svetlana
Taking the bar is not about love. You tell V to stay in thrupple, everything is fine. I handle money. Family remains safe.
And what if we don't stay in the thrupple?
Svetlana
Eh, this is not better option. And now there's no deed. This is only a copy. I filed paperwork with county clerk and IRS.
Svetlana
Big Poppa...
Don't call me that. It's creepy now.
Svetlana
Nothing has to change. You still work for me at Alibi. I still love V. I still fuck you. Do not ruin life for one small thing.
[Veronica enters Alibi Room disapproving of how Svetlana has transformed the bar to proselytize Russian culture]
What the hell happened in here?
Svetlana
Halfprice drinks to anybody who can order in Russian.
It took me a week to learn pivo pozhaluysta, and I still think I'm saying it wrong.
She only plays Red Army parades on the TV. Won't even change it for the Sox games.
Svetlana
So... you come back. It's about time. We need to talk.
No shit. I want you to do the right thing.
Svetlana Which is what?
Svetlana
We'll be thruple again?
Svetlana
Then no. You and big, handsome Kevin husband. are stupid people. You need caring for like babies.
We trusted you, and you lied to us.
Svetlana
You would have lost the bar. You would have lost everything. You didn't pay taxes for two years. I stayed up all night doing books while you two sleep. You should be in here thanking me instead of whining like little baby. You want to go back to old way, fine. Otherwise, get your chorny ass out of my bar. [Veronica punches Svetlana who retaliates with Veronica headbutting her which which escalates into a fight with them both rolling on the floor]
Should we try to stop them?
Not until some clothes come off.
Sign over the bar to me and I'll tell them that we were legit married and this was all just a big mistake.
Svetlana
No. I will sell my bar and live like a queen in Russia with all my money.
Bullshit. Your dream is a Quiznos in Kansas.
Svetlana
I keep two-thirds of bar.
One-third, and you pay Kev's medical bills. You also agree to take care of the three kids three days a week.
Svetlana
We are thrupple again?
Svetlana
I manage bar and all bills.
We do that together, and you teach me what I don't know.
Svetlana
I teach you. But Kev, he is too stupid for math.
Svetlana
What?
Svetlana
Where is ledger, for checks?
Svetlana
I would like to see it, please.
I know how to cut a damn check for a damn liquor distributor.
Svetlana
There were three errors last time and cost bar $300. It's unacceptable.
Are you standing here telling me I don't know how to run my business?
Svetlana
I'm standing here telling you that your math is shit.
[Reaches under counter and produces binder pointing with pen] Hold up. Are these the stubs for our paychecks?
Svetlana
Yes.
You cut two checks. There's three of us.
Svetlana
We all make same amount. It's 50/50.
We own two thirds of the bar. We should be making a third of the profit each, not half.
Svetlana
I work longer shifts. I do all the paperwork. I call when plumbing goes bad.
Excuse me, you do not get to decide how much Kev and I earn.
Svetlana
You work eight hours together. I work eight hours alone. So 50/50.
...
Okay, so let me get this straight. You want to take half the profits, even though you're one person, and you want us to get half, even though we're two people. That's not fair.
Svetlana
It is more than fair.
You stole our bar. You shouldn't get shit.
Honey, we've moved past that.
Not when she crawls up on me like I'm some sort of weak fool. That's not how this works. We each get 1/3. Period. End of story.
Agreed. You heard her. This time, we get what we want. Now, I'm gonna go get a bucket of extra crispy and a pile of biscuits for lunch. When I get back, we'll go over all the orders and maintenance and shit. Until then, keep your saddle greased and your guns oiled. [Gets up and walks to front door]
New rule. No more of your ta-tas hanging out. This is a decent establishment. There will be a dress code.
Svetlana
[Veronica holds up modest shirt] This is shirt to bury Catholic nun in, huh? Not to sell drinks.
It's your new uniform. This will teach you a lesson that you don't fuck over the people you love.
Svetlana
[In Russian] Unless those people are stupid.
"Tupyye. Tupyye." You say that a lot. It means "stupid," right? [Grabs Svetlana's chin and turns her face to his] Well, here's a new new rule. You don't call us stupid anymore. [Svetlana jerks face away, grabs shirt, walks away and Kevin says to Veronica] Dominance. Boom.
[To Kevin and Veronica] I am looking for Svetlana Yevgenivna, pozhaluista.
Svetlana
Freelania Alexeyevich? [In Russian] Fuck, can not be.
I am blast from whoring past, no?
Svetlana
[In Russian] We go aside to talk.
Hey! No speaking Russian!
Five minutes and you're back unloading the liquor stock.
Svetlana
What do you want?
You helped to smuggle me into this country. Freelania Alexeyevich always repays her debts. You said you would drop dead before I could find anyone to turn me from whore to wife. I would like to see you die now, please.
Svetlana
Not true. You were always ugly bottom-feeder, only good for hand jobs.
Very true. It's too bad you are still... bitter prostitute slave working for poor people. If you weren't such a cunt, madam, you might be able to marry well too. $4,500 for 40 pounds of lube and vagina cleanse. Debt repaid. Now you are a "ugly bottom-feeder."
Break time's over. [Throws trash bag at Svetlana's feet]
[Svetlana follows Freelania outside who gets into a Bentley Contininental and drives away with Svetlana mouthing "bitch"]
...
Svetlana's been on that laptop all day. I don't trust it.
Think she's plotting revenge?
This is the same chick who offed her husband/father and no one's ever found the body.
Svetlana
Permission to take cigarette break, Sir... Ball?
...
How long Svetlana been on her break?
Feels like a long time, right?
Kev, this isn't good. I told you, she is plotting something against us. Some Russian chick comes in here yesterday, and ever since, Svetlana's been acting weird.
That's it. I'm gonna put a stop to this. Domination time. [He and Veronica walk up to Svetlana] All right, what's on the laptop?!
Svetlana
It's personal business.
New rule: no personal business at work. Open the laptop.
Svetlana
No. It's private.
New rule: show us what's on the laptop or get shipped to the gulag.
Svetlana
[In Russian] I'm not showing you shit.
Show us what's on the damn computer, or we're gonna call Immigration.
Svetlana
We had a deal. No ICE.
KVKevin and Veronica
Show us the fucking laptop!
Svetlana
Fine! [Turns around laptop] You want to see what I'm doing? I am looking up fact after fact about rich old fuck who's about to marry a bottom-rate whore who I helped smuggle into this country. She gets to have American dream, live life of beauty and privilege while I sit here and get shit on by two ex-lovers who still treat me like a prostitute slave, who make me wear a vampire blouse just to strip me of the last bit of dignity that I still have.
[Reading off phone] "Sassy Russian exprostitute" seeks single geriatric male with piles of money and a terminal illness."
Guy named Gerald seems interested. Luxury cigar importer.
[To Svetlana] Hey, guess what we're doing.
Svetlana
I can find my own rich husband.
We know that you can, but if a wealthy cigar importer comes into The Alibi tonight, it won't kill you to smile and have a drink.
Svetlana
What is the point of smiling?
Make other people feel good.
Svetlana
I make people feel good other ways.
Yes, you do. But there are some situations where hand jobs are not appropriate. [Svetlana walks away unimpressed]
Here you are, sir. On the house.
Of course. Our elders are a precious resource. Thanks for staying alive.
GGerald
I'll drink to that. [Svetlana walks over] My, my. You must be Svetlana. Wow. What a knockout. Good evening, ma'am.
May I procure you a cocktail?
Svetlana
Vodka.
GGerald
Your profile was, quite provocative. You were an escort for a time, weren't you?
Svetlana
Hand whore. Occasional cock-sucking and fucking. What is your name?
Svetlana
"Gerald." Sounds like bald man drowning in hot soup.
[Hands drink to Svetlana] There you are, m'lady.
GGerald
What would it run me if, you and I were to take a walk out to my vehicle and you were to keep me company for 30 minutes?
Svetlana
$900,000.
GGerald
Forty bucks. And you take off your shoes so I don't get any... dirt on my seat. [Svetlana punches Gerald in nose and walks away]
Could've gone worse. Don't know how.
Shameless · 903 quotes
