Why are you two sitting so far apart from each other?
[On phone] Okay, call me when you have more. [To Kevin] Elijah from the dispensary doesn't have weed either, Kev.
Whole city's run out. Another symptom of economic anxiety: everyone's self-medicating. Why are you two sitting apart?
[Quietly to Veronica] I think they're having a fight.
Saying something under your breath means "keep it quiet."
FrankHello! I'm here.
Oh, Frank! You gotta use the secret knock.
Frank
Oh, sorry. Top of the morning to you. So what you got for me to sample today in the wonderful world of weed, Master Kev, Mistress V? [Sits between Tommy and Kermit] What are... why are you guys sitting so far apart? One of you fart or something?
Frank
Jesus, fine. Sit in your own stank, for all I care.
They won't tell us either.
Frank
Oh. [Noticing turning display empty] Where are the goods?
Frank
Impressive.
But our suppliers are out of product now.
Ever since the 'rona, there's been a rush on weed.
They were not prepared for the demand. Everyone's out.
It's a blessing in disguise. Pot is dangerous.
Frank
[Repeatedly] No... That's impossible. There's no such thing as a rush on weed. It's in abundance.
There's three different dispensaries we use for our product. They're all out.
Frank
Dispensaries? You know what kind of a markup they've got? I can get you more product.
Frank
Marijuana's basically just a weed. The government has no more right to regulate it than they do sunflowers.
Frank
Exactly! Don't worry. I can get you more product. We can go in on this together, partners.
How was your first day as a cop?
Pfft, seen more action playing Minecraft on the shitter.
Frank
[Eating cereal] This stuff is delicious.
Frank
As the Willis Tower. Fringe benefit of being the Alibi's chief quality control officer and weed sommelier. Gotta fuel up for a big day of pot purchases.
[Chuckles] I'm gonna kill her. I'm gonna choke her with her cargo pants until she's dead.
Still won't put on the dress?
Won't put on her dress, won't brush her hair, won't brush her teeth, won't pack her own backpack.
Why can't Little Miss Sunshine wear pants?
'Cause it's not Little Mr. Sunshine, Carl.
Sounds like gender conformity.
It's not my world, Liam. I just live in it.
Hey, look. Our new neighbors came to welcome us, even my pansy former son and his stink-dick boyfriend.
I guess the city must've made good on their threat to condemn our old house. That or the meth lab caught fire again.
Frank
Well, what are they doing here, though?
Terry's been banging the lady who owns this place for a couple of years. Calls it his plan B.
Mrs. McCurdy? She's, like, 90.
Gotta do what you gotta do, man.
Frank
That's the stench of abject poverty, son.
Frank
Sickening, isn't it?
Actually, I think it might be those chickens.
Oh, no, those ain't chickens. Those are cocks. Like, for cockfighting?
They like it. If they don't die. It's natural for 'em. You know, it's fun.
We have to move. I don't wanna be the reason for the next Black Lives Matter march. I'll get Trayvon Martin-ed for sure if we stay here.
[A man is randomly firing off a kalashnikov assault rifle] Jesus!
Why's he shooting random shit?
[Laughs] Aw... He's playing "I Spy, You shoot."
It's a kids' game. Yeah, kid says, "I spy with my little eye that red stop sign," or whatever, and then the adult... shoot the stop sign. Get off your fucking high horses. Anybody here feel like they're the product of good parenting, raise your hand.
Okay, I don't have time for this shit. I gotta get Franny ready. Where is Franny?
Fuck it, just dump the used motor oil in the yard.
Frank
First comes crime, then drugs. Then they impregnate our women, take over our schools, drain and defraud our public safety nets, and finally, the introduction of some rare, communicable diseases which they brought from whatever exotic or savage place they originally came from.
Weren't they living, like, five minutes from here?
Frank
That's beside the point. Our pure immune systems can't handle a Milkovich virus this close. It's like living right next door to a nuclear waste dump. Sooner or later, the radiation's gonna get ya. This only ends with death.
We're gonna die? For real?
Frank
Odds just shot up considerably.
Frank
Barkeep, a beer and a glass of tomato juice, please.
Frank
Of course, but that's not why. I tried to ignore the Milkovich hot spot, but yet again, science wins. Pretending a virus isn't real doesn't make it harmless.
Here's an idea. Why don't you talk to them?
No, you tried to trick them. I'm saying talk to them. Listen to their concerns. Express your concerns. Have an actual conversation.
Frank
V, you act like these are human beings.
Well, nothing else has worked. It's worth a shot.
Frank
Oh, Jesus, I don't know what's more toxic, their filth or your optimism.
What's up with the fancy outfit? Parole hearing?
No. I like to look nice for men who have nothing better to do than sit in a bar all day. Alderman sent over a list of people who didn't vote in the last election, so I am going door-to-door to get them to the polls.
You can skip my house. I'll be here.
Black people. We need to get this rent control bill passed so Black people can afford to stay in the neighborhood. Tell them to stop paying rent.
Frank
That's what the Milkoviches do.
Where do people like that come from in the first place?
The South. Once they realized they had to start picking the cotton, they migrated to the Midwest to take part in our industrial economy.
Frank
No, the Milkovich clan came here from Poland after the Polish-Russian war. For some reason, when white people lose a war, they all move to Chicago.
All right, Frank. You ready?
Frank
Can't you do it?
No. Come on, we're a team.
Frank
Who've never won a game.
Exactly. That's why the Milkoviches will listen to us. We're relatable. We're not Jordan and Pippen. We're Tommy and Kermit.
Frank
I'm surprised they didn't ask you to coach the Bulls.
[Going out door] Come on.
Frank
Fine. Let's get this over with. [Finishes drink and walks after]
How'd it go? Did you bury the hatchet?
Frank
The virus has mutated.
You okay, baby? What's wrong?
So much. So much is wrong.
Frank
I don't know. You think? I thought we got to a pretty good place there at the end.
Well, one of them was skinning a deer, and then the other one was branding himself.
Right in their front yard. We have to move.
It's like living next to the Manson family, V. The blood?
I gotta get back out to finding Black folks. That's the only thing that's gonna fix this. Get out the vote. This is our home, not theirs.
Frank
If anyone's moving, it's them. Maybe this is it, the final stop in Caucasian evolution: white trash. In the end, we'll all be Milkoviches.
[Frank is in the shower] Frank, can I ask you something? [Frank grunts] Do you believe in God? I mean, the evidence is thin, but I think God is real... [Frank grunts] ...which means so is Hell. [Frank groans] Say you did something bad by accident. Do you still go down there and get tortured by demons?
Frank
[Pokes head aside of shower curtains] Little hard to masturbate when you keep asking me questions about Catholicism, kid. It's fine. I give up anyway. Son, Hell, much like prisons, is just a way to frighten people into submission. You can buy a pardon from the Catholic Church, be absolved of your sins, just like you can buy a judge. It's the oldest scam in the book.
Frank
More than you'll ever have. If you're worried about something, go confess. Light some candles, say some Hail Marys, and voila , you're back on God's good side, unless, of course, you did something really bad. Then you'll be tormented in the deepest depths of Hell for eternity.
Frank
A Gallagher has lived in that house since before statehood. My great-great-great grandfather Connell built it on the foundation of a Kickapoo hut, and it's mine. I should have a say. I should have... more than a say. I'm their father. I gotta... I gotta stop this. Thank... thank you. Thanks for talking me through this. I'll see you later. [Camera reveals bartender is a black woman that is not Veronica]
BBartender
You gonna pay for those beers?
Frank
Just put it on my tab.
BBartender
You don't have a tab.
Frank
[Looks around and realizes the drinking establishment is not The Alibi] Um... Where... how did I get here?
BBartender
I don't know how you got here, but I know how you leaving if you don't pay for your beers.
Frank
I ordered five beers, didn't drink any of them?
BBartender
Don't care if you drink them or not, long as you pay for them.
Frank
Uh... I, um...
BBartender
Chubby! [Tall burly man appears]
Frank
Jesus. [Frank gets thrown out of drinking establishment]
Ah, he'll be all right. It's not his first time getting questioned. He can handle an interrogation.
You can't just use your cop "get outta jail free" card? When I get in, I'm gonna try to grease the wheels of justice.
Frank
Do we have any triple-A batteries?
That's a big hole. Coulda just said he wanted to renovate.
Your brother's a fuckin' drama queen, man. Hey, scarf that shit down. I wanna go check on Terry. We have a lotta pick-ups today.
I don't know if we have time. We would if you stopped yappin' and started eatin'.
You guys remember I have a thing after school, right?
Frank
What thing? Don't ya want your dad there, cheerin' you on?
Frank
Well, what is it, anyway?
A contest to pick a new name for my school. The winner gets a free iPad.
Frank
Why does your school need a new name?
'Cause it's named after Dennis Hastert.
Frank
Fuck is Dennis Hastert?
Former speaker of the House of Representative. Native Chicagoan. And a child molester. He's canceled.
Frank
Canceled? You can't cancel history. It's already happened. Political correctness is gonna kill this country.
Frank
Uh, beside the point. We can't be applying today's sexual standards to... molesters of yesteryear.
Molesting used to be okay?
Frank
Dennis Hastert brought a lotta federal dollars to Illinois. I don't think I can just stand by while the PC police erase his legacy.
This is the hill you wanna die on, Frank? Defending a pedo?
Frank
Defending tradition, defending our shared history? Yeah. I'll die on this hill. This is a hill we all should die on together.
Come on. Hey, let's go. I wanna make sure they're takin' care of fuckin' Terry over there.
Frank
[Unfurling architectural blue prints in upstairs hall with Carl appearing] Oh, shit. You guys bugged the house, didn't you? Either way, you gotta have a search warrant to come in here. None of this is admissible in a court of law.
Frank
What?
Frank
Oh, shit. My God. I thought you were a real cop.
Frank
Okay, son. [Sighs]
Frank
Suckers put money in retirement plans. Me? I planned the perfect heist.
What, are you gonna rob a bank?
Frank
"A bank". Please. The ICOE heist is special.
Frank
We're gonna rob the Art Institute.
[Sets placemats on table for daughters in Alibi Room] All right, girls. [Amy swipes placemat on floor] No! Amy, no! Unacceptable! We do not act like that! Here, just watch a movie.
GGemma
We want to go to school.
Guys, I want you to go to school, too. I really do. But I told you there's no school today. It's a teacher work day. Which is so great 'cause it's a Daddy work day, too.
Yeah, I want Mommy too, okay? But she's not here. She's in Kentucky. Please just... watch a movie.
What's V doing in Kentucky?
[Sighs] She's helping her mom move.
She left you in charge of the girls?
Yeah, she left me in charge of the girls. Shut up. Where's Tommy?
I don't know. At work, I guess. Why?
It just freaks me out when you're here by yourself.
Frank
[Enters with rolled up blueprint tube] Could I get a shot of Jamie, please?
Hey, Frank. It's me, Kevin.
Frank
Hey, Kevin. It's me, Frank. Why are we talking like we're on the phone?
Oh, I just didn't know if you remembered me.
Frank
I'm not drunk yet.
What's with the notebook?
Frank
This? This is the plan.
Frank
A heist. I'm putting the gang back together for one last job.
Cool. You used to be a thief or something?
Frank
One of the best. You might've heard of one or two of our escapades. The Purolator heist? Elizabeth Stewart Gardner Museum?
Doesn't matter. [Raise glass] Best of luck.
Yeah, you go get 'em. Cheers.
Frank
Thanks, boys. Well, I'm outta here. Don't mention anything to anybody about the heist. Discretion is vital.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Frank
I just told you.
Yeah, Frank, I'm pretending that I don't know.
Frank
Oh, got it.
Frank? [Points to shot glass still full]
Frank
What?
Frank
What? Oh. [chuckles softly then drinks up] Mm. [To Kermit] How you doin'? Oh, sht. [Walks out humming to self]
Frank
What?
Did you steal that painting?
Frank
Well, apparently.
There's security cameras, alarms, guards. How did you do it? According to the news, they don't know who took it or how or when.
Frank
Ha! Iko, baby. [Chuckles and looks in mirror of shop] Dad?
Frank
Oh, God. When did I get so old? Where are we going?
Give me your arm. I'm writing Lip's number down in case we get separated. I need your help with this kid Wen Chung, see if I can get him to fail his math test on Monday.
Frank
Why?
The STEM charter middle school I want to go to automatically accepts the first kids in each class. Everyone else has to compete for the few remaining spots. I'm number two.
Frank
What's your leverage?
Thinkin' I'll play the Black card. Then the poor card. Then maybe even the dead-mom card.
Frank
You could tell him you're gay, too.
Ooh. That's a good idea. The gay card's always a winner.
Frank
Whatever it takes. But you can't let China steal your future.
This is still America, right?
Frank
Are you asking? Greatest country on Earth.
Frank
No little Chinese communist bastard can ever take that away from you, no matter how many COVID flus they send our way, try to kill us.
Ew! Ass fuck! [Kicks Frank's bed waking him] You shit yourself, Frank! What the fuck?!
[Meets Frank in hallway] Frank.
Frank
I just shat the bed and pissed myself.
Frank
I'm lost. Spent. Used up.
You're just being dramatic.
Frank
I'm hopelessly wandering in a world I don't recognize.
It's just a bad morning for you. Happens to the best of them. What are you doing today?
Frank
Uh... nothing.
Me neither. Let's have some fun.
Frank
I don't feel like it.
Come on. It's like you used to always tell me. Either you run the day, or the day runs you.
Frank
I said that?
[Sighs] Just get in the shower. We're gonna do some Frank things.
Frank
Frank things?
Yeah. Drinking, scamming... You know, Frank things.
Frank
Okay.
[Entire cast is sitting on door steps of Gallagher residence]
Frank
We’re not doing this, telling you what happened on Shameless last week anymore. We’re sick of it.
It insults your intelligence.
They don’t pay us enough.
What, they pay you guys for this?
Frank
[They all turn heads to Kevin] Yeah. You don’t get paid?
Well, fuck me! [They all snicker]
Frank
[Flying up in sky on a chair in hospital gown after succumbing to a coronavirus] I’m not gonna ask your forgiveness, because you bunch didn’t do shit for me. So let’s just call it a draw. I know some of you think you hate my guts, and truth be told, I never liked any of you much either. But we’re all Gallaghers. My only advice is to stop worrying so damn much. You’re supposed to ask people on their deathbed if they wish they’d worked more or spent more time with their family. [Chuckles] Me? Hell, I wish I’d partied more. Nobody ever said our neighborhood was the Garden of Eden, but it’s been a good home to us, to me and you kids. I’m proud of all of you, because every single one of you reminds me a little bit of me. Lip, you’re smart as a whip. You just can’t seem to get outta your own way. Eh, you’ll figure it out. Ian... industrious, incredible work ethic. Not a clue where you got that from. Touch of mental illness from your mother. Only way I can understand how you ended up marrying a Milkovich. Carl... ha. I never could figure you out. Can’t believe you betrayed the family and became a cop. I’m hoping you’re already on the take. Debbie, you remind me of your mother, not in a good way. Good luck in life. You’re gonna need it. Liam, you’re the apple of my eye. You handsome devil. Everybody says you look just like me. Oh, Kev, Veronica, you’re overrated as friends. Always sticking your noses in my family’s business where they don’t belong. You’re moving. I say good riddance. And me, Frank Gallagher... father, teacher, mentor. Captain of our little ship. People say you can’t drink your troubles away. I say you’re just not drinkin’ enough. Ah... I guess that’s it. Not much left to say, really. Except…time’s precious. Don’t fuckin’ waste it. Have a good time. I sure as hell did.
GGeorgio
[Preparing to cremate Frank's body] Damn! What is this guy, like, 80 proof?
MMarco
At least. This guy definitely liked to knock back a couple.
GGeorgio
Couple of cases and two bottles of JB’s more like it. [Slides Frank's body into the crematorium, closes the door which then explodes open in a fireball]
Shameless · 903 quotes
