Doctor Cox quotes from Scrubs

Gandhi, did you tell Jordan what I said about her wanting to cuddle? She doesn't like people to know that she actually cares for me!

Turk

Relax, she's pregnant, what could she possibly do?

Jack

Man check!

Jordan

Good boy, Jack, good boy!

Turk

He can't possibly make this my fault, right?

J.D.

Dorian. Dammit, now I'm doing it! [Stepping over Dr. Cox] Careful, he's gone fetal.

Elliot

You have to help J.D.

Any other day, I'd just say no, but today, I'm gonna go ahead and say... no.

J.D.

Wow, it has been an amazing six years. I wouldn't change any of it, would you guys?

I'd damn sure change this moment, and any other moment that was even remotely like this moment. [leaves]

J.D.

Hey, Turk...

Turk

I'm not giving you a hug.

J.D.

[narration] I hate this place.

I mean, what the hell? If I wanted my patients to be more depressed I'd just have them read Newbie's latest blog entry.

J.D.

"Why being really lonely is sometimes super awesome."

Turk

Look, man, we all have those bleak moments where we swear we'll never bounce back. Like when I was seventeen, my mom walked in my room with a look that I had never seen. She said, "it's over Turk... Michael Jordan's career is over."

Is anyone a bigger idiot than you?

J.D.

Is he the Black golfer?

Okay, I made you breakfast, the kitchen's as clean as a whistle, I'm gonna drop Jack off at daycare on the way to work, is there anything else I can do for you?

Jordan

I need you to go to the video store and get me anything with Viggo Somethingsen. I need white chocolate, strawberry seltzer, peppercorn brie and a polaroid of the tomato plant that I planted last spring, because I'm worried it may have snails. Oh, and if you see that neighbor Lena from down the hall I want you to roll your eyes and say the word "slut" under your breath, but loud enough so she can hear, and don't forget to be home by 6:30 because you gotta give Jack his bath before you make my dinner!

But, when will I have time to kill myself?

Jordan

Well, that's not my problem!

That was a coincidence.

Laverne

What?

That knife! It just happened to go in the exact right spot. You do not get a "win" for dumb luck!

Laverne

Look. If that's the way you choose to see the world, then so be it. But don't you dare try to take this away from me. I've been coming in here every day for 24 years, watching children die and seeing good people suffer. And if I quit believing that there was a bigger plan behind all this? Well, I just wouldn't be able to show up tomorrow. So just stop it!

I'm sorry.

Laverne

It's okay. You'd be surprised, how many bad things happen around here for a reason.

I wish I could believe that.

I am not telling anyone that my daughter has been born.

J.D.

But you just told Jordan that you're gonna...

Yes, and that's what we call a lie, or, when you're married, communication.

Lonnie

Dr. Cox!

Dr. Kelso

You might want to knock, he's in an imaginary glass bubble.

[pantomimes opening a window] What?

Lonnie

[looking down at Dr. Cox] I need help with a patient.

Twenty minutes.

Lonnie

[begins to walk away, turns around] Hey, how long does it take for an old woman to slowly bleed to death?

Turk

Before Izzy was born, if I saw a half-eaten meatball sub in the trash you better believe I would dust that bad boy off and go to town on it! But now, I'm not risking my health eating trash-food. I mean, unless it's a corn dog.

Thank God you've procreated.

I've seen the Wiggles live in concert... twice.

Turk

Did they perform "Big Red Car"?

They opened and closed the show with it. It was awesome.

Jordan

Wow! You guys look great! I'm gonna get a photographer.

Jordan, I hate this.

Dr. Kelso

Why? I would think an arrogant ass like you would love having his very own clone.

Up yours, Bobbo.

Jack

Yeah, up yours, Bobbo!

Outstanding.

J.D.

I can't believe I almost messed things up with Kim. What is wrong with me?

[walking by] You are an annoying, whiny man-child.

J.D.

That question wasn't directed at you!

What question?

[noticing Kelso's head] Fair enough.

Turk

[calling] What it do, Beardface?

It's Beardfacé! BEARDFACÉ, DAMMIT!

Dr. Kelso

Calm down, Seymour.

If you wanna lose the nickname, you gotta lose the beard. Of course... then you'd be Doctor Face...

Dr. Kelso

HA! Dr. Face.

DAMN you all!

J.D.

My kid's not even born yet and I'm already screwing up his life. I just want him to be really happy and normal, you know.

First of all, Newbie, we're talking about your kid, so the whole normal part was never gonna happen.