Mike Silletti quotes from Rescue Me

Mike

Hey, man, straighten up. There two hot chicks in a party full of gay guys. It's like catching fish in a barrel.

Sean

[pauses] It's shooting fish.

Mike

What?

Sean

It's shooting fish in a barrel. That's the expression, you dumbass.

Mike

Yeah but if they're in the barrel, why would you shoot 'em? Why wouldn't you just reach in with your hands and pull one out?

[seeing Sean and Mike play Scrabble] Look at this: A meeting of the minds and the minds are a no-show.

Tommy

[looking at the Scrabble board] Hmm. "Tag." "Arm." "It." "Go." That's great guys.

Laura

Why even bother keepin' score?

Mike

[placing tiles on the board] F-E-L-L. Read it and weep.

Sean

Oh, shit. How many points? [Sean and Mike just stare at each other, Mike takes a little time to figure it out]

Mike

Eight.

Sean

Hey, I've--I've been thinkin' about your nuts. And I think it's gonna be okay. I mean, look at Lance Armstrong. He turned out really well.

Mike

Yeah, was that before or after he landed on the moon?

Sean

No, Lance Armstrong. The guy who won the Tour de France like 26 times in a row. (Mike is silent) Whoa, holy shit, bro you don't even know what the Tour de France is, do you?

Mike

I want to say wine tasting?

Sean

[After talking to Katy] You had to be there, Lou. It was eerie.

Mike

Yeah spooky. Like in horror movies where the little girl's a total freak and kills everyone in the end.

Sean

Yeah, and the way she was talking, uh, and her eyes. She didn't blink the entire time that we were with her.

Mike

She didn't. I was watching.

Lou

You know, guys, she's a little girl whose brother just died. She's dealing with it.

Sean

Hi.

Katy

Hi.

Sean

How are you doing? (He walks towards the bed and sits down next to Katy.)

Katy

I miss my brother.

Sean

Yeah, yeah, I bet. But you know what, Katy? You just- ah- you just gotta remember that you're gonna- see him again... someday. You know, up in heaven.

You want to help me out here, say something? Say something. Say something!

Mike

Um, you see, Katy, um, where he is right now, there is no pain. He is happy. And he doesn't remember anything about the accident. God makes that all go away.

Sean

Is that true?

Mike

That's what I heard.

Sean

Wow. Wow.

Sean

Listen Katy, you gotta know that Connor is fine and he's being taken care of, and you're going to see him again."

Katy

No, I won't.

Sean

Yes, you will, sweetie, I promise.

Katy

No, I won't. Because there is no heaven.

Mike

Of course there's a heaven, honey.

Katy

Prove it.

Sean

Um... See, y-you just have to... believe.

Katy

I do believe. I believe there is no heaven, just as there is no god. Human beings know he doesn't exist. We need to feel special, more special than animals and bugs. Because we are scared. We need to think there is someone out there protecting us, watching over us. We're nothing. We come from dirt, and we go back into the dirt.

Mike

See ya. (He quickly gets up and leaves.)

Sean

Listen, Katy-

Katy

Can you please leave me alone now?"

Sean

Absolutely. (He gets up and leave.)

Tommy

Probie, do you know anything about this chick Garrity's been seeing?

Mike

No, he's been pretty tight-lipped about it. I know she's older, though.

Franco

Yeah, how much older?

Mike

Like a lot older-she was watching Monday Night Football the night they announced John Lennon got shot.

Franco

Yeah, that was, like, 1980, right? She couldn't have been, like, five years old.

Mike

She had a bet on the game.

[about Mike's copy of The Tao of Pooh] Yeah, whatever. Hand it over.

Mike

Why?

Because a firehouse is no place for sensitive souls, Probie.

Mike

You used to write poetry.

Yeah, and it cost me my house, and my wife and a whole lot more so give it over.

Mike

You can't order me to stop reading.

I'm not. I'm ordering you to stop filling your mind with this bullshit fortune cookie philosophy. You're taking life lessons from a semi-retarded bear, Mikey. And it's not even a real bear. Consider yourself fortunate that you're not burdened by an overactive mind. Stick to cartoons and coloring books.

Mike

I'm not stupid, y'know, I'm just simple-minded. The book says Pooh's like an uncarved block. Y'know, that's kind of how I feel.

An uncarved block. That's hard to disagree with.

Mike

You're busting balls, but y'know, Winnie's as simple as they come. He just roams the woods, hangs with his pals, eats some honey, takes a nap. He doesn't care about understanding anything or even himself or the names that people call him. He just is. He accepts things as they are. That's the key to his happiness.

And that's what this is, you're a little depressed about the fact that we're going to keep callin' you the probie. And that is the little problem that caused this little egxtensial life crisis. You don't know problems kid.

Mike

I'm just starting to realize that nobody's ever gonna have all the answers, y'know? You may think you know everything, but you don't. And you can't. And you never will. So you should just stop trying and life will get a lot easier.

Sean

We're supposed to go out again tonight, I mean, I wanna make her happy but I gotta figure out a way to fight some guys where I'm not gonna get hurt.

Lou

Just guys?

Sean

Yeah, just guys, for now. I mean, I'm sure I'll fight some chicks in a coupla weeks but for now, just guys.

Franco

What about guys with one leg?

Mike

Or no legs.

Tommy

Midgets.

Mike

Midgets with no legs.

Tommy

Ah, too hard to find.

Sean

For your information Chris was just here. He told me everything.

Mike

Chris was just here?

Sean

That's right, I mean we're such good friends, I mean when were you gonna tell me about it?

Mike

Never.

Sean

Asshole.

Mike

I was confused.

Sean

Alright, well, now I'm confused too. Why didn't you just talk to me, maybe I'd have gone the same way.

Mike

Get outta here.

Sean

Yeah, bro. I like to keep it fresh. I like to try new things. Try new positions, switch hit. How could you go behind our backs and do this?

Mike

Sean you gotta know the truth. It-- it was just Chris.

Sean

Oh, don't pin this on him.

Mike

But it was him. He gave me like a half a dozen blow jobs, and it was always him goin' down on me. I never kissed him or slept with him, it was just the blow jobs I swear.

Sean

Okay, what're we talkin' about here?

Mike

What Chris told you.

Sean

All Chris told me was about this transfer order-- Holy shit!

Mike

Sean, please just don't tell anybody.

Sean

Mike's gay!

Lou

Oh, hell I knew that.

Mike

Chris talked to you too?

Lou

Who's Chris?

Sean

Chris is his lover man-- guy.

Mike

I can explain, Lou. Just please don't let anybody else know.

Franco

Know what?

Lou

Mike's gay.

Franco

Yeah tell me something I don't know. [looks up from his book] Oh, you mean gay, gay.

Mike

Every morning I'd pass by the construction guys out there on my way to work and there was this one guy-- Chris and I noticed him a couple of times. And one day, when I was passin' by, he sorta like smiled at me.

Sean

Okay, I think I'm gonna puke.

Mike

Well, it freaked me out too. Every morning he'd gimme this like smile. And one day when I stepped out and he wasn't there--

Lou

Did you check the end of your cock? [everyone laughs]

Lou, let him talk. Go ahead, kid.

Mike

And he was gone and I sorta liked missed him.

Tommy

Alright, my balls just went up behind my lungs.

Mike

I don't know how to describe the way I was feeling. Y'know, he was a nice guy... and-- and, we started talkin' and I guess I was like lonely or something and I moved into his place and it was great at first... then it got weird.

Franco

And then it got weird, because I was wonderin' when that was gonna kick in.

Mike

And he was into me that way, and that's when the blow jobs started... and it freaked me out at first. Yeah, and I knew it wasn't right for me--- he's gone, I'm not with him. I-I-I left, it's over, and that's the whole story.

Sean

Bullshit, Mikey. What about the transfer?

Mike

I filled the form out but I never turned it in, did I?

Sean

Oh, cut the shit, Mike, you already got your new house all picked out.

How do you know that?

Sean

Because he's playin' for their softball team.

Mike

What?

Sean

Yeah, your boyfriend Chris, he told me that you were battin' for the other team. edit »

Franco

I don't want him showerin' with us that's for sure. It's nothing personal, Mike. I just don't need you starin' at my hang down like it's an a la carte special at the Chez Homo.

Sean

Yeah, and I don't wanna know about your new boyfriends, or your new clothes, or nights out at the disco, or Liza Minnelli, or ass toys. It's off limits from now on.

Mike

I'm not gay. I didn't do anything sexual to him. I'm totally into chicks, and I'm seein' this girl over the past coupla weeks--

Franco

Yeah. A girl named Dave.

Mike

Y'know, if this is how it's gonna be, if I can't make a little mistake in my personal life then maybe I should transfer.

Tommy

Hey, hey, kid come here. Guys, better or worse, I think we all consider ourselves a family here, correct? Now whether, Mike's a fag. Sorry, Mike. Or not he's, he's part of that family, correct? I think y'know, as a firefighter he's been startin' to pull his own weight. Y'know and maybe he acts a little faggy from time to time. Sorry, Mike. But y'know, in the shit he's been learnin', he's been performin', y'know Johnny Stack would not be alive today if it wasn't for Mikey. Now, as far as it goes in the house, I trust the kid, y'know, I feel like if I'm stuck somewhere on the job, I feel like he's got me, y'know, he's got me-- covered. Come here kid. [they hug] I got no problem with this.

Lou

[whispers] Ten bucks says Mikey's hard.

Tommy

I heard that.

Lou

Jesus Christ, he is now officially two hours overdue. I mean, this is unheard of. Jerry is never late.

Franco

Still gettin' Tommy's voice mail. Called him at home, the machine is full.

Lou

He was in the shower when I left this morning.

Mike

Maybe he like slipped and knocked himself out.

Lou

You know, the way that his life's been goin' that would be an improvement.

Franco

What do you wanna do, Lou?

Lou

What do I wanna do? What does Lou wanna do? Lou wants to sit here with a box of doughnuts and watch Frankenstein. That's what Lou wants to do. Although, that combination usually leads to a jerk off session so Lou will just stand here and worry.

Mike

Why'd you have to tell everybody? Asshole.

Sean

It's not my fault, asshole. It's your fault. You went outta bounds, alright. You bang some chick that's fine. But if you bang a brother-sister combo deal, I am required by law to share that.

Oh, please, the word 'sex' just makes me wanna crawl into a hole and die.

Mike

Why the nun still goin' full steam?

Gentlemen, if you ever get the chance of becoming romantically involved with a nun, brace yourself. All those years she was saving herself for the Lord, not indulging in sex, well, when that dam breaks and it breaks in a big way. Its like a tsunami, only instead of water, you get hit with sex. Exotic positions, rubbing, touching, sucking, probing--

Tommy

[walks in] The tsunami speech again?

I mean, the wave just keeps coming, destroying everything in it's path. Oh, what I wouldn't give for two hours of straight sleep.

Sean

Do you mind if I stay with you for a couple of days?

Mike

Why?

Sean

Well, you've been feelin' kind of bad, and y'know, you're all alone it that big house. I thought it might be kinda scary for 'ya. Thought maybe I'd come and hang out with 'ya, lift your spirits a little.

Mike

That's really cool, Sean. I forgot what a good friend you can be.

Sean

Yeah. Plus, I might be getting a divorce.