Mike Silletti quotes from Rescue Me

Lou

Mikey, what the hell's the matter with you? Are you okay? Mikey?

Mike

Lou, I'm a grown man and I-I don't even know how to use a dryer. She did everything for me, you know, guys. And I never even thanked her. I mean, I thanked her, like you know, I said 'thanks, mom', but they were just words. I didn't really mean it, you know, I just said it so she'd do it again. Like make my bed, or cook me breakfast, or pick out my clothes... Lou, you make one gay joke and I swear.

Lou

Mikey, I'm not gonna make a gay joke.

Mike

What, then? [Kenny hugs him, and the Mike walks off]

Tommy

I can't believe you uh, didn't make one gay joke during that whole little monologue.

Lou

Well, Jesus, Tom. The kid just lost his mother, you know? Can we not give him a little bit of time.

Tommy

Alright, so, first thing tomorrow morning...

Lou

Oh, yeah. We attack him at dawn.

Tommy

Alright. How many gay jokes do you think you have?

Lou

Oh, I got a dozen right in the back of my mind.

Mike

I still feel so bad. Her cheating on you... with me... that bitch.

Lou

Well, you know, it's not the first time she cheated on anyone.

Mike

So, she's done it before?

Lou

She was a nun when I met her so technically, you know, she was married to Jesus.

Mike

I guess that makes you the other man. [laughs] That's a mighty impressive takeaway on your part.

Lou

Yeah, well, I'm real proud about that. Even if it means I'm takin' the express train to hell.

Mike

But look, it was worth it, right?

Lou

No, not really. ... You know, I mean, you're family, Mike. That's what's important, you know, family, that... that unbreakable bond. And I'm willing to forgive and forget.

Mike

Bros before hoes, right?

Lou

Bros before hoes.

Mike

Now, let's get shitfaced and make it official.

Mike

When's Tommy comin' back?

Lou

Why?

Mike

Because it's not like him to call in sick. Whenever I do, he calls me a pussy.

Lou

Well, number 1, you are a pussy. Number 2, he's fine, a little stomach virus.

Tommy

[on the phone] Hey, how 'ya doin'?

Mike

The knee's still really sore, but I feel better, a lot better.

Tommy

Yeah? What are you doin'?

Mike

[eating ice cream] Uh, nothin'. Ju-- Just chillin'.

Tommy

Doin' what?

Mike

Nothin'.

Tommy

You're mopin', aren't 'ya?

Mike

No, I'm not mopin'.

Tommy

You're havin' a giant mope-fest over there, aren't 'ya?

Mike

No, I- I was just readin'.

Tommy

You're reading? That guarantees me that you're mopin'. Here's what I want you to do, when they were bringin' me down off the fire escape, the other night by your place, I noticed down the block there's like a bar/cafe thing. I want you to put away the ice cream, yeah, yeah, I know you're eating ice cream, yeah. That which guarantees again, moping. I want you to put on somethin' nice, go down there and meet somebody, alright? Preferably a girl.

Black Shawn

Listen, man, real talk, deep down, you hate Tommy Gavin.

Mike

I do?

Black Shawn

Yeah, because he's taught you everything you know about being a firefighter and the fact that he's had to save your sorry ass on more than one occasion, but deep down, despite the fact that he's an ego-maniacal self-centered son of a bitch, you wanna be just like 'em. Yeah, you wanna be Tommy Gavin. You wanna be exactly what you hate, and that's some sad shit.

Mike

Screw you, Probie!

Mike

[about his inheritance] I already promised it to the Cancer Society.

Sean

Ugh. The Cancer Society. What's the cancer society gonna cure with your measly $100,000?

Mike

$250,000 actually.

Franco

If you give it to those people, you know what they're gonna use it for?

Mike

Research?

Franco

Postage, to send letters out to other people to get more money. It's a vicious cycle, Mike. Not to mention, that they're never gonna find a cure, 'cause there isn't one. Cancer is God's disease, it's his way of thinning out the herd. And it's cruel, and mysterious and no one's ever gonna figure it out, 'cause that's the way that God likes it.

Mike

[about opening a bar] Well, if I'm providing the money, then what are you guys bringing to the table?

Sean

Dude, I got my associate's degree from Scranton... almost. I would provide the business savvy. You would be the money, I would be the brain's. Got it?

Franco

Wait a second, if your dumbass is the brains, then what the hell does that make me?

Sean

Well, we're gonna need a bouncer for sure. I mean, if Mike's the money, and I'm the brains, you would be the brawn.

Franco

Why do I gotta be the brawn?

Sean

Well, first of all, Lou told me what you did to that bum in the fire the other day. Secondly, you're Puerto Rican, kinda scary. I mean, who's gonna mess around at a bar with a big, giant scary, Puerto Rican guy standing at the door, y'know? Except maybe other Puerto Ricans, but let's be honest, we're not gonna let them in.

Franco

Whatever, man. Give me whatever title you want, I just wanna be around to watch you two humps sink this damn ship.

Sean

Alright, what do you say, Mike?

Mike

As long as I get to name the place.

Sean

... No.

Mike

Okay. Deal.

Sean

Hey, Tom? Did you hear?

Tommy

What?

Sean

Mike, Franco and I, we're buyin' a bar.

Franco

Uh, correction. Mike bought the bar, and I'm watching Garrity screw it up.

Mike

It's gonna be awesome. And if you have any suggestions Tom, we're totally open.

Tommy

Uh, cool. Yeah, I got a couple. Build it on the edge of a cliff, go inside and start fixing it up and then pay somebody to come along and just push it over the side. It'll save you a lot of time and money.

Mike

Yeah, well, that's actually not gonna work 'cause we're opening it in the city.

Sean

I'm sorry, you bought a lezbo bar? What are you crazy?

Mike

Well, it was a lezbo bar a long time ago.

Sean

Well, Mike, the whole reason we're doin' this, the whole reason we're buyin' this bar is because of the pussy vibe.

Mike

And to make money, dude.

Franco

No, Sean-o's right, it's because of the pussy.

Sean

Yeah, and now you stuck us with a place that possibly has the wrong pussy vibe...

Black Shawn

Is there any pussy vibe that's wrong?

Mike

And you know what? The Realtor said that years ago this whole building was a gynecologist's office.

Sean

Okay, now, I gotta rethink the whole pussy vibe thing. Maybe it was a gynecologist's office longer than it was a lezbo bar. Which then, the good pussy vibe might counteract the bad.

Lou

I've waited my whole life for this. We're actually having a discussion about pussy Feng-Shui.

Tommy

[about his hearing] You know guys, I'm sure you're aware, if this doesn't go my way, which I'm sure it won't, they're gonna put me on immediate light duty and the odds are that I'm not gonna be comin' back to the firehouse. I just wanted to say--

[at the same time] Nah, nah, Tommy. We feel that same way. It's been an honor working with you.

Tommy

Lemme just get this out of the way, and say it out loud, as firefighters, it's like a football team, y'know our pluses and minuses balanced out and we made a great team, we really did. And I felt really safe working with you guys, and you saved my ass many times and vice versa. But... you know, I felt blessed, and the other thing that I wanted to say... [they all tell him he doesn't have to] Let me just say this stuff, very quickly because it needs to be said, in case the guy that comes in and stands in my shoes doesn't put it out on the table, I'll do it for him. #1, you're a moron. [points to Sean] Don't argue with me, because you proved it in spades when you married my goddamn sister, okay? [Mike laughs] What are you laughin' about? Because if he's a moron, you're the king of the morons. Don't give me the look... Do me a favor, spell "moron".

Mike

Okay, spell what? [they laugh]

Tommy

Franco, I really, wished you weren't the guy who laughed the hardest at that because, if you took one iota of energy that you spend everyday chasin' pussy and you put into somethin' good, like I don't know, helpin' mankind, I'm pretty sure at this point we'd have stitched up the whole in the ozone layers, there'd be no more wars, and this party would be in a bar owned by you and the planet Neptune. [to Black Shawn] You, can't really say too much about you, because I don't know well enough and it wouldn't be fair to judge you. But, life's unfair, so let me get it out of the way, you probably suck, too. [points to Lou] And this, my best friend, who is not only a loser with women and a giant slob, but a goddamn lush. [Lou nods] Case closed. So what does that say about me? Good luck, guys. See 'ya later.

Mike

You know, uh, Frank, I got this uncle out in Staten Island and he owns this company, they transport hazard waste. I was gonna work for him, but a couple days before, 9/11 happened. And uh, I watched the news, and I saw all the people postin' flyers around town lookin' for their loved one's, and I just really felt, like I'm sure everybody did, that I had to do something, y'know. ... So, I decided to become a firefighter. You know, how a lot of kids wanna be firemen when they get older, well, I wanted to be a superhero. Even after, I knew that they really didn't exist, I still wanted to be one, because I wanted to fight the bad guys, you know. Frank, what I'm tryin' to say is... that I became a firefighter because of the bad guys did on 9/11, and if you're tellin' me that there are other bad guys and that they're our leaders, our people, the people who are supposed to watchin' out for everybody, that's too scary. I can't even think about that. I mean, I understand that there's evil in this world, but I just feel a lot better if it comes from some place that I don't call home.

Franco

Yeah. ... You say you were gonna take up transporting hazardous waste?

Mike

Yeah, I was gonna be a driver.

Franco

Jesus. I never thought I'd say this, but thank God for 9/11. [they laugh]