Johnny Gavin quotes from Rescue Me

Johnny

[to Tommy, on the way to donate blood] You might wanna pick up someone else's blood on the way. Yours is probably still flammable.

Johnny

[On the phone] Oh, let me get this straight, you quit drinking but you're going around beatin' up cops? The city was safer when you were a drunk.

Tommy

Yeah. Blow me.

Johnny

Are you outta your mind, huh? Did mom know?

If your mother knew we wouldn't be having this conversation because I'd be dead somewhere in some river with my balls in my mouth. [mocking Johnny] "Did mom know?"

Tommy

You know the guy's almost the same age as me, right? He's like a couple weeks younger. I mean how long were you seein' this broad?

Uh... oh, about 36 years.

Johnny

What? You were having an affair for 36 years?

What can I tell you? When it comes to adultery I'm a one woman man.

Johnny

Tommy, when you're in jail in some hick town, and you're taking it up the ass from Otis the drunk, don't call me. Don't call me, you'll be on your own, bro.

Tommy

No I won't. I'll have Otis.

Johnny

So, you're not in jail yet?

Tommy

No. Why would I be in jail? Except for maybe killing you, which I would right now, except it would interrupt my smoke.

Tommy

[on the phone] Hey, you backstabbin' son of a bitch.

Johnny

Oh, hey, Tom.

Tommy

You're supposed to be my brother, asshole.

Johnny

I am your brother. I was just tryin' to do you a favor.

Tommy

By helpin' Janet take my kids again? That's supposed to be doin' me a favor? How's that work?

Johnny

Tommy, if you would just listen to her.

Tommy

You know what, Johnny? You're dead to me. You're dead to me. You got that?

Tommy

[After they donated blood] I just feel really light headed. You don't have anymore juice, do ya?

Johnny

You almost fell getting off the table, you pussy.

Tommy

I got up too fast, okay? And you should watch your language in front of the house of God. Back me up on that.

He's right.

Johnny

Sorry.

Tommy

Yeah, asshole.

Johnny

You give that guy a bad nose job, a ranch with some rides on it and Liz Taylor's home number, you're looking at Michael Jackson my friend.

Tommy

Okay, first of all he's our half brother, okay? So if he's Michael Jackson, you know who that makes us? That makes me Tito and that makes you Jermaine

Johnny

Why do I gotta be Jermaine?

Tommy

Cause I'm Tito.

Johnny

[About Tommy]I hope to Christ he doesn't fall off the wagon.

Uncle Teddy

I wouldn't blame the guy if he drove the wagon right through the liquor store window and drank the entire inventory.

Tommy

[on the phone] Lemme ask you somethin'. When did it start? Was it after Connor died, and I asked you personally, as my brother to look after my own kids and my wife. Is that when it started, huh? Was it like a month, a coupla months, huh? Last week? When did it start?

Johnny

It was your Junior Prom when you brought Janet home in that dress so Mom and Dad could take pictures of her. She looked amazing in that dress, Tommy.

Johnny

I'm here because um...y'know, I didn't want you findin' out from somebody else. Janet's pregnant. It wasn't planned, y'know, it just happened. It is what it is and we're happy. Obviously we don't know what the sex of the child is yet, but look on the upside, Tommy, if--if it's a boy, then dad can stop with that whole male heir bullshit thing that he keeps talkin' about. Okay, Tommy?

Tommy

You--You're askin' me if it's okay?

Johnny

Yeah.

Tommy

[pause and stares at him] Congratulations.