Laura Miles quotes from Rescue Me

Laura

You call me "honey" one more time and I'm going to kick your nuts through the top of your head.

Laura

I know you guys are talkin' about my tits and my ass. Just in case you are wondering, I'm a 34-C cup, my nipples are slightly larger than average and stand up like top-hats when aroused. My ass is tight as a snare drum but still soft to the touch. Any more questions?

Tommy

Wow. [Laura puts Tommy's sandwich on the table]

Sean

Yeah. Can I get one of those? [points to the sandwich]

Laura

No. [leaves]

Tommy

Did she just say top-hats?

Franco

I believe she did.

Lou

I've always been a big fan of formal wear.

Sean

It's a nice view, huh?

Tommy

Yeah. It'll never be the same for me.

Franco

Yeah, me either.

Laura

Even when they put up whatever it is that they're puttin' up.

Franco

It's like they're tryin' to erase what happened. You know?

It's insulting. Remember when they had those spotlights right after 9/11? I couldn't take that. I like it like this... empty. Just the way those scumbags left it. No spotlights, no new buildings, just empty.

Tommy

Yeah. That's the thing about the spotlight, you know. Walk out into it and at first everybody thinks they see a good-lookin' all-American hero. But then you stay out there long enough and you know, they start to notice certain things. Maybe your nose is a little crooked, you know, maybe your teeth are too crooked. Maybe you got a little scar on your upper lip. Your hair's not right. One eye's bigger than the other. Next thing 'ya know they think they're lookin' at some kinda goddamn monster. Like they're lookin' at King Kong. Then they start throwin' shit at 'ya.

Lou

Well, I'll tell ya one thing. That morning they threw a couple a jets into a couple a buildings. And they threw at us the biggest job in the history of our profession. And what do we do? We gave up 343 of our guys to save... at least 10,000.

Tommy

Yeah. And look at us now: Three years later and still waitin' for a goddamn raise. I'll tell 'ya what guys, we were on our own that morning and we're still on our own today.

Franco

What's with the camera?

Laura

Oh, my folks wanted to see where I worked. So I, uh, you know, I thought I'd send them a couple pictures give them an idea of what it looks like.

Sean

Oh, yeah? You gonna take any pictures of us?

Laura

I don't wanna scare them.

Franco

Hey, Laura. Can you do me a favor?

Laura

If it involves any part of your body, no.

Broads.

Lou

Crazy broads.

[sees Laura] Speaking of which. [to Laura] Banker's hours, sweetheart?

Laura

Sorry, darling.

Excuse me?

Laura

From now on, you call me names, you're getting them right back.

Don't push it, dollface.

Laura

Okay. Love-lum. [walks into the house]

Love-lum?

Lou

I've used it.

Laura

Can I tell you how this is gonna go?

Franco

Yeah, please. I love a woman who takes control.

Laura

You're really cute, and really funny, and make great faces, until I sleep with you which I eventually will because you're a tall stud and I'm as unlaid as a pile of bricks.

Franco

Sounds good so far.

Laura

But then I'll want more out of the relationship eventually, you know, me being the woman and all and I'm so goddamn good in the sack you will actually try and commit for the first time in your life. You'll change for me Franco. But then you'll resent me and I'll resent you for resenting me. Pretty soon we won't even stand being in the same room together let alone forcing our body parts to intersect. But we have to be in the same room because we work together. So unless one of us dies in a fire or moves away or kills the other. We'll be forced to remember the bloody horrific train wreck of a relationship that we had that started with your hand on my coat. But it's your move, stud.

Franco

[pause] I'll see you tomorrow.

Laura

Smart man.

Franco

[After sex] Alright, so what does this mean?

Laura

This meaning... [makes a motion to them with her fingers] This?

Franco

Yeah. What does this mean?

Laura

[laughs] Oh, come on. You did not just ask me that. I'm just the girl here.

Franco

Hey, well I wanna get things clear. We work together, things could get messy.

Laura

Okay, let me do the math for you. [points to herself] Drunk and horny. [points to Franco] Perpetually horny.

Franco

Yeah.

Laura

Equals out [looks at her watch] 34 minutes of extremely hot, but meaningless sex. So do you want to discuss this more? [pulls one foot above her head] Or do you want to go for the full hour?

Franco

Talking is way overrated, I'm sorry. [kisses her]

Sean

Laura, we call each other names all the time it's like, you know, what do you call it?

Mike

Name calling?

Sean

No, it's like ball busting but more-- more--

Tommy

Camaraderie.

Sean

No... no.

Franco

It's part of being on the team, you know, you joke around. You jive, you cut.

Laura

I never sit around with my girlfriends and call them a twat. I was on the basketball team in high school. I was on the girl's softball team in college and I never called any of those women a twat. You know why? Because every woman I've ever met finds that word offensive. Not as offensive as the other word but in a race you know, they're like neck and neck.

Tommy

Yeah, but now you work in a job with men. A highly-populated job by men, so now you gotta cut the men you work with a little slack.

Mike

I thought the word that women hated most was the "C" word.

Sean

Yeah. I thought they invented "twat" so no one would ever have to say the other word ever again.

Laura

I think men invented both and never bothered to check with women about either.

[seeing Sean and Mike play Scrabble] Look at this: A meeting of the minds and the minds are a no-show.

Tommy

[looking at the Scrabble board] Hmm. "Tag." "Arm." "It." "Go." That's great guys.

Laura

Why even bother keepin' score?

Mike

[placing tiles on the board] F-E-L-L. Read it and weep.

Sean

Oh, shit. How many points? [Sean and Mike just stare at each other, Mike takes a little time to figure it out]

Mike

Eight.