Skips quotes from Regular Show

Rigby

So everybody thinks I'm dead?

Skips

Yep.

Rigby

Dude! We gotta prank 'em!

Skips

Uh.. Y'know Rigby, I think I've had enough pranks for today.

Pops

It seems the honorable thing to do is apologize. Oh look! [holds up a joker card with Benson on it] This one is you! [giggles]

Benson

[sighs] Alright.

Skips

Hmph. [tosses a walkie talkie to Benson]

Benson

Mordecai, Rigby, are you there? Pick up!

Skips

[reaches for walkie talkie] Let me try. Mordecai, Rigby. Are you there?

Rigby

(over walkie talkie) Hey Skips.

Benson

Tell them I want to talk to them! Tell them!

Skips

Where are you? [skips away] Where are you guys?

Benson

Man, Skips is on fire tonight! Another perfect game!

Mordecai

We're going to the championship, baby!

You guys wouldn't be so great if it wasn't for Skips.

Mordecai

Well, we can't help that he's just plain awesome, right, Skips?

Skips

Hey, that's just how I roll.

OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH!

Benson

There she is, guys. Isn't she a beaut?

Rigby

I want that beaut.

Benson

So who are we up against?

Mordecai

Some team called the Magical Elements.

Rigby

The Magical Elements. Hm, hm, more like the Magical Loserments.

Death

What did you say about us?

Mordecai

Hello? Look, I don't know what you're doing to my friend, but please, just stop! He's sorry for egging your house, okay? So, are we cool? [Mordecai walks to the window; peeks into it; a cat pops up, scaring Mordecai, Mordecai pants]

Skips

[on the walkie talkie] Mordecai. [Mordecai gasps] Mordecai, come in.

Mordecai

Yeah, yeah, what's up, Skips?

Skips

[on the walkie talkie] You gotta get back to the house, quick!

Mordecai

Sure, be right there.

Mordecai

Did you guys see that?!

Skips

This is not good.

Benson

What are we gonna do then?!

Rigby

Guys...?

Mordecai

What, what is it?

Muscle Man

I told you I was ripped... [falls forward and dies]

AHHH! [telephone rings] AHHH!

Skips

[last words] No, Fives, WAIT!

Hi Five Ghost

[answers phone] Hello?

Goodbye! [sucks Hi Five Ghost into the phone and squirts him out as a liquid all over Skips and Mordecai, as Benson vomits his gumballs]

Hi Five Ghost

[last words] Worst phone call ever.

If you can't handle the heat, get out of the kitchen!

What's up, gumball?

Pops

[in bedroom] Show yourself... Bad show, very bad show! [door opens] AHHH!

Rigby

What's happening? Hello, is anybody there? Can anyone hear me?

Mordecai

[wakes up] Rigby?

Rigby

Mordecai!

Mordecai

Don't worry, Rigby, I'm here. I won't anything happen to you.

Mordecai

[last words] Huh, so this is what it feels like to be as tall as Rigby.

Rigby

Mordecai? Mordecai? I'm sorry, okay?! I shouldn't have egged your house; do you hear me?! I'm sorry!

I told you you'd pay.

Rigby

Well then, what are you waiting for?! Do it! Do it already!

Rigby

Huh, what?!

How do you like it?

Rigby

What?! You turned me into a house and killed all of my friends just to throw eggs at me?! THAT'S IT?!

Yep, that's it.

Mordecai

Skips, have you seen Benson?

Skips

He's playing cards in my garage. He's convinced he can turn his luck around.

Mordecai

No, he can't. It's not even his luck! We have to stop him. [Benson enters] Benson, I got to tell you something.

Benson

Not right now, Mordecai. I'm right in the middle of a hand.

Mordecai

No, Benson! Listen, you shouldn't be playing cards right now!

Benson

Okay, so I've had a bad stretch lately. So my wallet and credit cards got stolen. So accounting lost my paycheck. So I can't afford to pay my rent or feed myself. But cards are where I'm luckiest! Cards are my girl! She's never let me down before and she won't do it this time.

Skips

Well, you gotta stop playing now because you got nothing left to wager with!

Benson

..Actually, Skips, there is one more thing.

Benson

I just lost the park to the guy in the fanny pack.

Benson

Recite a personal mantra. Omm? What does that even mean? Next. (searches again)

Oh, hello, friend! I'm Fitch Munderson. (A dog runs up to him) And this is Kimmy.

Benson

Okay, where's this going? (fast-forwards the video)

We have a sure-fire way to help you control your anger, for only $60.

Benson

Nope. (searches again while the screen is loading, then clicks several times while the screen is still loading) Ugh, come on! Close! (angrily growls) Omm...omm...omm...omm...omm...omm...(sighs) Huh. I guess it works.

Mordecai

Hey, Benson. Have you seen the keys to the cart?

Benson

Omm...omm...omm...omm...omm...omm...omm...

Rigby

We can't find them anywhere. (Breaks vase) Uh-oh.

Mordecai

Never mind. I think I know where they are.

Benson

(growling, Now red with tears in his eyes) RRRRRAAAAAAUUUGGGGHHH!!!!!!

AAH! ( The duo then run away)

Pops

Benson! I warned you! (Writes on clipboard angrily)

Benson

Pops, you're writing me up?

Pops

You know what happens next, don't you? ( He angrily hands Benson the paper)

Benson

Of course. Verbal warning, write up, fired. But you wouldn't fire me, Pops.

Pops

I'll do what I must.

Benson

What?! Pops, you can't take this job away from me! It's all I have!

Pops

I'm sorry, Benson. If you yell at Mordecai and Rigby again, I'll be forced to fire you.

Skips

Jeez, Benson, try counting to 10. (Benson furiously turns around and angrily grunts) Better make it 100. (leaves)

Benson

1, 2... (Cuts to outside) ...7, 8, 9... (Cuts to near the shed) ...75, 76, 77... (Benson suddenly stops and sees Mordecai and Rigby covered in pink paint, laughing)

Mordecai

Oh, hey, Benson! What's up? We're finally painting the shed! (Rigby throws himself on the wall, followed by Mordecai, who ends up going through the wall)

Benson

(furiously turns red and angrily growls. He then puts his hands on his face) 78, 79, 80, 81...

Rigby

Dude, what's he doing?

Benson

(continues counting) 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87...

Mordecai

I dunno. But what do you think he'll do when he gets to a hundred?

...88, 89, 90, 91... (Benson stops and angrily growls, put his hands on his face again and then furiously storms off while panting, still red)

...92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99...

Mordecai

Skips! What are you doing?!

Skips

I was just trying to fix your Error 219!

Rigby

[gets to computer] Eugh... But it's not a 219 anymore!

Mordecai

Yeah, while you were gone, we messed it up and now it's an Error 220!

Rigby

Ah, dude, it's even worse now!

Mordecai

Look, Skips, it's fine. We called someone to come fix it.

Skips

You what?! Look, guys, I can do this. I just need more time. When is this guy supposed to get here?

Mordecai

In an hour.

Skips

Okay, look, I can take care of this. If he gets here before me, stall him.

Mordecai

Why?

Skips

JUST DO IT!!

Rigby

Jeez!!

Mordecai

Okay, okay! [Skips leaves]

Rigby

Man, what's Skips's problem?

Mordecai

I don't know. I think he needs to realize that there's some things he just can't fix.

Muscle Man

Good, you're all here. As you probably already know, today marks 5 years I've worked at the park. So in honor of me, we're eating at Fry it Up at 8:00!

Mordecai

Oh, no can do, Muscle Man.

Muscle Man

What? Why not?

Rigby

We already made plans with Margaret and Eileen.

Muscle Man

Pssh, your loss, bros. While you're striking out with some chicks, we'll be scoring some wings! And some chicks! Am I right, Skips?

Skips

Sorry, I can't either. I'm bowling with Pops and Benson.

Pops

Lawn bowling!

Muscle Man

Ugh! Well, it looks like it's just me and you tonight, Fives.

Hi Five Ghost

Oh.

Muscle Man

What?

Hi Five Ghost

Low-Five is graduating from the police academy tonight! He's my brother, I have to go!

Mordecai

Hey, Rigby! I've got good news! [Rigby gasps] I put you down as an alternate.

Rigby

What? Why?

Mordecai

Come on, dude. I'm just trying to win the Glove.

Rigby

Then why did you pick Skips?! He's not even good at video games!

Mordecai

Dude, cool it!

Rigby

Why would you pick Skips over me?! He's HORRIBLE at video games!!

Mordecai

No he's NOT! [furiously shoves Rigby down the floor; a crowd of people whoop]

Cooooooooooool! [Rigby gets up, looks at Mordecai panting angrily]

Mordecai

Rigby, I picked Skips because you're horrible at video games. [closeup on Rigby, shocked and becomes enraged at what Mordecai says to him]

Rigby

[Enraged] Fine! Forget you, then! I hope you have as much fun winning the Glove as you did losing your best friend. [he angrily storms off]

Mordecai

Rigby!! [see Rigby leaving with people blocking the exit]

Skips

I know what you're doing, Mordecai, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed in you.

Mordecai

[sighs] Look, Skips, I wanna win the Maximum Glove for me and Rigby to share, but I just can't play with him. He's not good enough at video games to win.

Skips

Mordecai, I know you wanna make Rigby happy by winning that Glove, but are you sure you're going about this the right way?

Mordecai

Don't worry about it. He'll get over it when we win the Glove. Let's go.

Benson

As you guys may or may not know, it's Pops' birthday tomorrow. I was planning on getting him something nice from the arts and crafts fair last Saturday, but... nothing really stood out. Has anybody gotten him anything yet?

Muscle Man

[beat] No.

Benson

Why am I not surprised? [pulls cap off of marker] Ideas? Anybody?

Muscle Man

How about one of them Jeff Forgeman grills?

Benson

That's actually not a bad idea, but Pops has been watching his cholesterol. Doctor's orders. What else?

Skips

How about we get him some new gardening tools?

Benson

Well, maybe. It's just, he gets new gardening tools all the time.

Mordecai

What about some horseback riding lessons?

Benson

Please tell me you're joking.

Mordecai

Well, no. Isn't he into that?

Benson

Don't you remember? That's the exact same gift we got him last year.

Rigby

Pshh!

Mordecai

Don't "pshh" me! I don't hear you coming up with anything.

Rigby

Yeah, but at least I didn't say the same thing that we got him last year!

Uughhhhh....

Muscle Man

The park.

Skips

Our home.

Pops

(sheds a tear) All is lost.

Garrett Bobby Ferguson Jr.

Thomas, stop thinking about things and bring us the coffee already! (turns to Garrett Bobby Ferguson Sr.) Kid's worthless am I right?

Thomas!!

Garrett Bobby Ferguson Jr.

Hmm, alright, gather round, gather round now. (the villains gather) We'll just tear this thing up and get this war back on. MINIONS! BEHOLD!!! (holds up a crude drawing of him, thinking it's the contract)

(with a British accent) Uh, is that a drawing of you with a butt for a face??

Huh?! A fake?

Mordecai

Hey, losers!

Rigby

Should have checked the fine print when we switched the contract in front of yo' face! know what I'm sayin'?

NO!!!!!!

Garrett Bobby Ferguson Sr.

Junior! You just broke the universe record for disappointing your father! AUUUUUGH! (explodes)

Garrett Bobby Ferguson Jr.

(falls to his knees) NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! (explodes)

Benson

You guys have all your assignments for today. Oh, and don't forget that tonight is Game Night.

Mordecai

Aw, yeah! Game Night!.

Rigby

What are we playing?

Benson

Yeah, Skips. What are we playing?

Skips

Tonight, we will be playing Drawsome.

Muscle Man

Alright. I love me some Drawsome. Who else is showing up to this Drawsome event?

Skips

I got a giant baby, Gary, and my cousin Quips.

Ugh!

Skips

What?

Mordecai

Your cousin Quips is annoying.

Rigby

Yeah, man. He's always telling lame jokes.

Skips

What are you guys talking about?

Mordecai

Come on. Every other word out of that guy's mouth is some annoying joke.

Rigby

Yeah. Some joke that isn't funny.

Skips

Come on, guys! His jokes aren't that bad.

And then he said, "Yes, I do!" (laughs) Alright, seriously, last one, 'cause I got to go. What? Hey, wait! I didn't even get to finish my punchline! Aw, well. He's probably already heard my routine. Heeey, who's ready for some funny?

Ugh!

Skips

You guys all remember my cousin Quips.

Hey, Quips.

Hey, Benson. Nice to see ya. Speaking of "see ya", what did one ocean say to the other ocean? "Sea ya later!" (laughs)

Benson

I don't get it.

Oh, well, an ocean is a body of water and the sea is also—

Benson

I don't care.

A little more care will give you a little more hair. Zingo!

Benson

Ugh!

Pops

Hello, Quips.

Pops, looking good. In fact, you look amazing. Just a compliment. Don't get a big head. Oops! Too late! Zammo! And, of course, Muscle Man, you love the jokes. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bay-gulls! (laughs) I got a whole bait about bodies of water. What? You say you want another one?

Muscle Man

We didn't say anything.

What did the lake say to the puddle?

Skips

Come on, Quips. Let's get you unpacked. You probably want to lie down after your trip.

Guess it's time to take this comedy show on the road. And by comedy show, I mean me! Zingo!

Mordecai

Dude, he's even worse than last time.

Rigby

Yeah, Skips. Tell your cousin that if he can't stop telling jokes, then he's gotta get out of here.

Skips

I can't just do that. I invited him here. No one told you to get rid of your brother Don when he visited.

Rigby

That's because everyone loved him! I tried to get rid of him!

Skips

Ugh! Alright, fine. I'll tell him soon.

Wow, guys. Those coughs sound pretty serious. You guys should see a doctor. Oh, that reminds me. Why did the clown go to the doctor? He was feeling a little funny!

Benson

Okay, I'm tired of asking questions. So you're gonna tell me what's going on. Thomas, I know you know.

Huh? What?

Benson

I suggest you spill it!

Skips

Alright everybody, settle down!

Benson

Well, look who decided to chime in.

Skips

Okay, I'm gonna tell you what's going on, but you're not gonna like it!

Benson

WHAT!?!?