Benson Dunwoody quotes from Regular Show

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Hey, Benson. How's it going?

What's up, man?

Benson

What did I tell you about using the park phone?!

Ugh! I feel something kind of damp.

Yeah, I feel it, too. What do you think it is?

I don't know. Feels kind of like a wet blanket.

Benson

Very funny. Now hang it up and put the TV back in the living room!

Aw, come on, Benson!

We really think we can do this.

Benson

I don't care. If I catch you trying this again, YOU'RE FIRED!

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Benson

All right, Mr. Maellard gets back from vacation today, so I need you guys to clean the limousine.

Why don't we just wait till it rains? That's how I clean myself.

Benson

[beat] I want it looking as good as new when he comes back this afternoon. That means washed, waxed and detailed, got it?

Yeah, yeah, we got it.

So where are the keys?

Benson

Oh, you mean these keys?

Yeah.

Benson

Oh, no. I'll be holding on to these.

Aw, what? How're we gonna listen to the radio then?

Benson

Your job isn't listening to the radio, it's to clean the car. Do it before Mr. Maellard gets Back or you're fired! (leaves)

Great, no radio. This is gonna be so BOORRIIIIING!!!

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Everybody here?

Everybody except Fives.

Yeah, we should wait.

No time. Now you dudes should know this is gonna be dangerous. Ya wanna bail, I'll understand. [Thomas raises his hand] Yeah, Thomas?

TThomas

Are we getting overtime for this?

Benson

NO!

Dude, it's not about overtime.

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Benson

Okay, I'm tired of asking questions. So you're gonna tell me what's going on. Thomas, I know you know.

TThomas

Huh? What?

Benson

I suggest you spill it!

Alright everybody, settle down!

Benson

Well, look who decided to chime in.

Okay, I'm gonna tell you what's going on, but you're not gonna like it!

Benson

WHAT!?!?

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I tried to turn it off, but every time I did, the baby would start crying again. They played all 8 seasons; 257 episodes back to back. When Starla and her sister found me the next day, I was crying in a ball on the floor.

It sounds like that show messed you up pretty bad.

Benson

That must be what's causing your nightmares.

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[Jack asks V.I.C.K.I. to shut down the arm cannon, then he shoots Mordecai and Rigby, then Benson pushes Mordecai and Rigby to save their lives, and V.I.C.K.I. destroys his car]

JJack

Whoo! Bummer about your car, man! At least that explosion was pretty awesome. Totally satisfied my violent urges, you know what I'm saying? Hey, can I get the other 250 bucks?

Benson

POLICE!!!

JJack

Brain check. Got it, Brah. [Police get Jack, then he acrobat backwards into the bushes]

Benson

GRRAHHHHH... YOU!!!!!

Thanks for saving us, Benson!

Yeah, thanks, man!

Benson

Damage to the house, damage to my car — my bus fare for the NEXT MONTH!!! YOU'RE PAYING FOR ALL OF IT!!!!

[Mordecai and Rigby groan, as Benson leaves in fury]

He didn't say to clean up this mess, but--

[sighs] Yeah, let's get started.

Oh Mordecai, check this out.

[they both lift up the sparkling unscathed windshield, with Muscle Man and Fives passing by]

Told you my guy was good.

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Benson

No WAY. The last time I let you borrow my car, you totaled it. DO YOU THINK I'M CRAZY?! [angrily slams the door]

[to Mordecai] You just had to take Margaret to the airport, didn't ya?

Uuuuugh!!! Somebody's gotta have a car.

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Oh, hey, Benson. Hey, Skips.

Benson

You want to explain why my phone is LEAKING?!?!

Oh — sorry, Benson!

Yeah, we ment to give it back, but then a bunch of... different stuff... happened.

Benson

Different stuff?! You mean like the garbage that's all over this room?!

MRMordecai & Rigby

Uhh...

Benson

This place is a BIOHAZARD!! I want both of you to clean it up NOW!!!

Both of us?! Rigby's the one who's the slob! Look it his chimichanga! [slush]

He's not wrong.

Well, Mordecai even worse! Look at his junk at the corner! [no junk near Mordecai's bed]

Dude, that's my bed!

Benson

[Now red] I don't care who's responsible! But you're gonna have to clean this room if you wanna keep living here, for FREE!!!

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I'LL NEVER CLEAN THIS ROOM! NEVER!

Benson

This room is still not clean?!

But--

Benson

I'm sick of excuses. You have 24 hours to clean this room, or YOU'RE FIRED!!!

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Benson

[Enraged screaming] MORDECAI AND RIGBY!!!

Now before you say anything, we DID do what you said.

Yeah, we cleaned up Rigby's— I mean... OUR mess. So you can't fire us.

Immunity, son!

Benson

SO WHO CAN I FIRE FOR ALL THE DAMAGE YOU TWO DID TO THE PARK?!?!

[Short pause, then after a few seconds, Mordecai and Rigby point at each other, trying to blame each other for the damage.]

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Maybe if you just reminded us one more... (Benson throws his hat in Mordecai's face.) Uh!

Benson

I shouldn't have to remind you at all! You two never listen to me and I'm sick of it!

Don't be mad, Benson.

Benson

Mad? I got mad the last time you ignored me. This time I'm...I'm...deeply offended! And now, I have six pounds of cheese and not one tortilla! What kind of quesadilla can you make with that, huh?! WHAT KIND?!

You can't make a quesadilla without tortillas; that's just cheese.

Benson

Thank you, Skips. So now, because of Mordecai and Rigby, here we all are, tired, hungry, nothing to eat. And if you two don't get those tortillas right now, YOU'RE FIRED!

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NOW!

[all the park members, sans Benson and Rigby ambush Johnny Allenwrench with axes, and hack him to pieces. The camera pans out to see Benson and Rigby watching the whole process]

Benson

Rigby, you're getting ALL the promotions.

YES!!

PROMOTION!

Wait, did he just say Rigby was getting ALL the promoti-?

THE END

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Benson

[off-screen as the basketball goes through his office window, making a hole; outraged] OH, COME ON! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

[sighs] I need help. [inside the house…] I really messed this up for everyone. [sadly looks at the photo of him and his friends, then lowers it, seeing them all glaring annoyingly at him and walk off; sighs] Guess there's only one person who can help me now. [picks up the phone and calls a number] Hey, can you come over? I need your help.

[Later, Rigby sits outside of the house on the stairs and sees his brother, Don, pulling up in his corvette]

[steps out of his car; cheerfully] Rigbone! How's my big bro?

[pleased] Thanks for coming, Don.

[walks up to him] Man, it's been a while. You look good. Gotta say, I'm a little surprised you called me. What's up?

I'm in a lot of trouble, Don. There's these guys--

Oh, hey! Bank shot! [runs up to it] I haven't sen one of these since we were kids! [performs a perfect bank shot] Whoo! Good times. So, uh, what's the problem?

I ran my mouth off to the wrong guys and now I'm in trouble. I gotta win a bank shot match. All my money's ridin' on it.

But you're great at this.

Not anymore. I lost my touch. You're the only guy I know who's better at this than me. You gotta help me out.

Well, here. [passes the ball to his brother] Show me what you got.

[Rigby shoots the ball, but it hits the hoop, bounces off Rigby's head, and goes through Benson's office window, again, which was supported with cardboard]

Benson

[off-screen; outraged] Ugh, not again!

I see. We've got a lot of work to do.

Well, let's get started.

Wait. Lemme get my workout gear on. (puts on a headband) Alright, let's go!

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Benson

What happened?

The golden wishbone. We wished to come back home safe and sound, and it worked!

Well, almost. It didn't grant the part where our families would be here. [he and Mordecai both hang their heads down, sadly]

TThomas

[running out of the house] Guys, guys! Remember when I said everyone wasn't coming? I was wrong! [Mordecai and Rigby's parents emerge from the house] I checked the departing flights instead of the arrivals.

MRMordecai, Rigby, Benson, Pops and Skips

[annoyed] Thomas!

MSMordecai's Dad

Hey, Mordo!

MSMordecai's Mom

Hi, son.

RSRigby's Mom

Is that grown man over there my Rigby?

RSRigby's Dad

Come here, Rigby.

[Mordecai and Rigby happily run up to them]

Mom! Pop!

It's so good to see you, guys. Except--

There's no food because we destroyed it all.

RSRigby's Dad

[chuckles] Well, that's what families are for. [opens the door, revealing a new Thanksgiving feast that's been prepared by all the families]

MRMordecai and Rigby

[surprised] Woah!

TMThomas' Mom

[holding out a turkey] Who's ready for some turkey?

[Later, all the performers, footballers and Thanksgiving characters, as well as some friends, have joined everyone for the feast]

Benson

[tapping a glass of water with a spoon trying to get everyone's attention] Ahem!

BSBenson's Dad

Oh? [shouting out to everyone] HEY, EVERYBODY! PIPE DOWN! [to his son; kindly] Go ahead, son.

Benson

I just wanna thank everyone for coming. Thanksgiving can be a hectic time for many. But to see everyone here makes it all worth it in the end. Mordecai and Rigby, would you please stand up? [Mordecai and Rigby do so] I know you guys aren't perfect, pretty much all the time. But I want you to know that I'm proud of you. You saved Thanksgiving! And for that, I raise my glass. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

EEveryone

Happy Thanksgiving!