Oh hey, Benson. What're you doin here?
BensonI thought about what you guys said earlier and so I've come down to give you those checks you wanted.
MRMordecai and Rigby
Oh wow, thanks!
Benson
BUT now that I'm covered in BRAIN GOO, I realized my mistake! [shreds and throws checks] You want to waste your lives playing video games, then fine! I RESPECT YOUR DECISION!! JUST DON'T DO IT ON MY TIME EVER AGAIN!!
[beat.]
MRMordecai and Rigby
We gonna party!
Got some chips, got some dip!
Some call me cheap, bit of a free loada, but I bought cups for that old school soda!
I dont need to brag, I dont mean to boast, but here's some hummus for these mini toasts!
Benson
Why are you guys yelling "hummus"?
Snacks disappearing from the snack bar, holes in the walls — $500 worth of prank phone calls?! It's ridiculous! What are you doing to my park, Beenteen?
Benson
But, sir, it's not my fault. It's Mordecai and Rigby. It's right here on my report.
Are you my park manager, Beanteen?
Benson
Yes, sir.
Then everything that happens here is your fault!
Benson
Well... yes, technically, but—
Benson
...Everything that happens here is my fault.
[a white limo crashes through the left side of the office!]
[Mordecai rolls down the window]
Sorry, Benson, remember how I told you I can drive stick? Well, I'm a little rusty.
I told you that you should've let me be the one to park it!
Why are they driving my car when I specifically TOLD YOU TO PARK IT?!!
Benson
I did, sir, but I delegated it to Mordecai and Rigby.
Uhh, this is getting a little awkward, so we're gonna take off. [backs away]
Benson
Wait!!
[the limo then falls onto the side of the house, bleeping]
That's it! Emergency meeting tomorrow! Things are going to change around here.
[The next day, outside the house...]
I'm sure you're all anxious to get back to work, so let me make this brief. Beancan, you're being demoted.
Benson
What?!
Everyone, this is Susan. She'll be taking over Beanton's duties at the park.
SSusan
Thank you, Mr. Maellard. First, I'd like to thank Benson for agreeing to step down from his position.
Benson
What?!
SSusan
I know this park's productivity has been inadequate for a long time. But now that I'm here, we're gonna get this park back in working order the Susan way. So, Pops and Skips, I need you to clean the north end fountain. Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost are on snack bar duty. Mordecai and Rigby AND Benson, you guys will be raking the leaves.
Benson
What?!
Come on, Benson! We gotta rake these leaves, dude.
Benson
I can't do this.
Look, you're bummed out about getting demoted, but if you give it a chance, you'll see it's not that bad.
Benson
...This is horrible.
No, it's not, you're just in a bad mood. Look, you just need to take your mind off it for a while and have some fun.
Yeah, man, we can come back later and finish these leaves.
Benson
Ahah! This is so typical. You get bored so you just slack off instead of finishing your work.
It's not slacking, we're just taking a break. And besides, it's not like you're working that hard anyway.
Yeah, you're raking like an old man that has a fatter old man holding his arms down.
Benson
I DON'T FEEL LIKE RAKING NOW, OKAY?!
Benson
What if Susan catches us? She'll probably fire us for not working!
Dude, just calm down. We'll just pretend like we're working until she goes away.
Benson
Yeah, right! Like anyone would ever fall for that!
Benson
Agh, fine! As long as it gets me out of raking these leaves!
[a montage with a rock instrumental starts playing. Mordecai and Rigby try to get Benson to eat cereal with them, but he crosses his arms and turns away from them. Later, Rigby tries to get Benson to read a comic with them. Again, Benson crosses his arms, and looks away. When Mordecai, Rigby, and Benson start playing stick hockey, only then does Benson start to smile and have fun. For the rest of the montage, Benson relaxes in the fountain, plays video games while eating pizza, does donuts on the lawn, slingshots water balloons at Muscle Man, slides down hills on an ice cube, and chugs soda.]
Benson
[laughs] I feel great!
See? I told you all you needed was a break! Now do you feel like getting back to work?
Benson
[laughs] No!
Wait, what? Dude, we have to go back to work eventually!
Benson
Yeah, right! I'm never working again!
No, seriously, we have to go back to work. Susan's coming.
Benson
Hah! What's she gonna do?
SSusan
Why aren't you all working?
[nervously] Oh! Uh...we were just washing Maellard's car! Haha, see, we're washing it! Hahah...! Come on, Benson, we're washing the car now.
Benson
I'm not washing the car.
SSusan
Benson, why aren't you working?
Benson
[lazily] Cause I don't feel like it.
SSusan
Get back to work, or I'll fire you.
Benson
Yeah? Do it!
Benson
I've wasted my whole life at a dead-end job, and I'm not wasting another second working for you. So go ahead and fire me.
SSusan
Okay, Benson, YOU'RE FIRED!
Benson
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Come on, guys, let's get out of here!
Uh, actually Benson, we need this.
Yeah, we need the money, man.
Benson
Oh, well, suit yourselves, I guess, but my life is happening right now, and I'm gonna go live it! Sayonara, suckers! WOOOOOOOOOO! WOOO, WOOO!
SSusan
[angrily] You two! Get back to work! Faster! And you, sweep those stairs! And you, with the big head, finish those windows! Faster, faster, faster, faster, FASTER! [Susan walks away from the cart as two of them work.] Rigby l don't want to work for Susan. Mordecai [Somewhow grew blonde hair tied back in a bun, like Susan.] Dude l know. [Zoom closer into Mordecai's head.] Mordecai, Rigby said.
Thank you, Benson, keep up the good work.
Benson
Alright, alright! Everybody back to work. We've gotta get this mess cleaned up, now! (everyone but M&R walk off) And that means you Mordecai and Rigby. (hands Mordecai a broom and Rigby a shovel) You better keep working after I'm gone, because if I come back, and you're not, you're fired!
(Benson gets in the cart and drives away.)
Haha, yeah, good to have you back, Benson! (to Rigby) You wanna go play video games?
(Benson looks at the duo walk up the steps in the car's rear-view mirror.)
Benson
Ahhh... It's good to be back.
[reads Darthon manual] "Your party walks down a long hallway and reaches a locked door. What do you do?"
I smash it open with my war claw! Then, a bunch of ladies come out and they're all, "Ooh, Muscle Man! Quit pinching my butt with your war claw!"
[reads] "Roll the 50-sided die to see if you unlock the door."
All we have is a 48-sided die and two marbles.
Close enough. [Muscle Man chucks the die and marbles]
Huh! [the die and marbles roll onto the floor] Did it work?
Mordecai, Mordecai! [western accent] Well, I reckon I'd like a turn now!
Cyborg cowboys take three days to awaken from hypersleep. Sorry, Pops.
Can't he cast a saving throw?
Benson
What does all this stuff mean? Are we even IN Darthon yet?
Benson
Or is that just an artifact or something?
Uhh... [shuts book] "Your party is suddenly ambushed by a flock of man-bats!" Skips the Mighty gets first strike.
[rolls die and marbles] Hi-yah!
Let's see. Pirate samurai have +2 constitution, -3 charisma, divide by number of geese... Do we have a protractor?
Benson
I'm outta here.
Aah!! Dude, they're RIGHT! This game sucks!
Let's get our money back.
Pops! Where have you guys been?
Benson
We were hiding in the armor closet, then suddenly we were in the stock room at Shoe Farm.
Good thing it was worth it! Seven bones, baby!
Benson
$7.00?[outraged] WE ALMOST DIED FOR $7.00?!!
The numbers aren't important!
Yeah, if we're gonna spend that kinda money, it's gotta be on a COOL game!
Yeah, something like "Trail of Elderitch" or "The Lair of Anthelon".
Yeah, it came out last week.
BBoth
[run back into store] Yeah-hah!
Benson
Hold it. Nope. It's no good.
Benson
It's an INCH TOO tall. Do it again. Do it ALL AGAIN!
Benson
Would you want to play Ultimate Frisbee in this? A guy could trip, skid, get severe turf rash and BAM!! Lawsuit. Now get to work.
Benson
[covers Rigby's mouth] Oh wait... Is that the sound of somebody who wants to be fired? (silence) That's what I thought.
Benson
Of course all this trash would still be here. Why do I even try? [spots Rigby] Hey! Hey!! Get over here right now!
[...]
Benson! Hey man, I need you—
Benson
[covers Rigby's mouth] No. Stop. Don't say anything. What is this? You guys expect me to let this slide?
No—yes—I dunno. Look, I just need you—
Benson
Ugh, what you need? Well, I need is for you to start cleaning up right now or you're FIRED!!
Okay, okay! I'm doin' it! But can you just say my name three— [sees Mordecai behind the tree]
Benson
What? Say your name? [Mordecai holds his fist] Why do you want me to say your name? [looks behind] What? What're you looking at?
[Mordecai runs off]
Benson
Is that Mordecai? Mordecai!! Mordecai, get over here this second or you're fired! [canned by Rigby] What the heck, Rigby?! What's the matter with you?? [Rigby smiles realizing Benson just said his name, cans him again] AHH!! RIGBY!! [Rigby trashs him. Instead of saying his name one more time though, Benson screams] AUGHH!! [Drops to the ground and pounds it several times with his fists] GAAAHHHHH!!! RAAAAAHHHUH!!! [he furiously throws the trash can up high into the ground and angrily long kicks it] RAAAGGHHHHH!!!
JUST SAY MY NAME ONE MORE TIME!!! [looks up beside Mordecai]
MRMordecai and Rigby
(singing obnoxiously) Because we know everything about scary movies and you know nothing about scary movies! We'll save the park with our knowledge of scary movies!!
Benson
[Irritated] STOP SINGING OR YOU’RE FIRED!!!
MRMordecai and Rigby
Our... knowledge... of... scary... movies...
We'll go get the movie...
ZSZombie Slayer
Baby, you let yourself go real bad.
[She groans; Mordecai grabs Rigby's shoulder which makes Rigby yell, jumps into Mordecai's arms and knock over the projector, causing the film to stop; the crowd boos]
Dude, why did you do that?
I didn't know you'd freak out that bad.
MMan
Hey I want my money back!
[Others agree and Benson, who's in the crowd, turns around to see Mordecai and Rigby]
Benson
Fix it! Fix It!
[They put the projector back on the box, Rigby blows on the tape then accidentally spits on it]
Aw, why did you spit on it?
Shut up, shut up, shut up!
[Rigby puts it in the projector the wrong way and it doesn't work]
Dude, why isn't it working?
Benson
[Slamming his chair against the ground in frustration] Fix it! FIX IT! FIX IT!
[Rigby gets on the projector and shakes it; it causes rays to go out and into the ground while one of which hits a guy]
[A zombie is seen awakening, and Mordecai takes the tape out]
Aw dude, you put it in backwards!
[Mordecai puts it in the projector the right way]
[The movie continues playing, the crowd cheers and Benson goes back to watching the movie]
Hmph, hmph. Thanks for almost getting rid of our paid day-off, you loser.
Benson
I knew it. I had a sick feeling, so I came to check on you, and I KNEW it.
Benson
No! You guys are FIRED! That's it.
Benson
No! I told you guys, but you DIDN'T wanna listen!
Come on, Pops. You gotta help us.
I cannot tell a lie. Benson, it was all my fault.
Benson
What?
I snuck out to the wrestling match on my own, and Mordecai and Rigby had to come and get me. I'm sorry.
Yeah. Most of that is technically true, somewhat, so...
Plus look, Pops' back is all better.
Benson
... This is your last warning.
Regular Show · 562 quotes
