Benson Dunwoody quotes from Regular Show

Rigby

What? I'll buy you a new cake.

Benson

YOU REALLY SCREWED UP THIS TIME!!

Mr. Maellard

Hold on now, Benson. You share as much blame for this as he does. You are his manager.

Rigby

It's true, Benson. I told you I needed a nap!

Benson

You were tired because you were up all night playing video games!

Mr. Maellard

Enough! Rigby's a screw up but discipline starts at the top. So here's what's gonna happen. (opens the drawer and gets some paper and a pen out) One of you is gonna write a letter of resignation by 5 o'clock. No one leaves this office until it's done. And if you can't work it out, you're both fired! (slams door)

Benson

This is the last thing I needed today. First, my car breaks down and I have to get a ride from my dad, and now this. All right, Rigby. Stop playing around and write that letter.

Rigby

Why should I write it? Didn't you hear? Maellard said it was your fault, 'cause you mismanaged me.

Benson

Come on, Rigby. We both know this is your fault.

Rigby

Not now, Benson. I'm reading off my management techniques. There's some good stuff in there. (Benson snatches the book from Rigby) Hey! I was reading that!

Benson

Why can't you take anything seriously?!

Rigby

Why are you so uptight?

Mr. Maellard

What's going on in here? Give me that! This isn't party time, this is write a letter to quit time. And if I have to come back in here, I'm busting heads! (slams door again)

Rigby

I'm not writing that letter.

Benson

And Mordecai and Rigby, let's have you pick up trash by the snack bar.

Rigby

Ugh! Again?

Benson

Don't worry, this is the last time you'll be on trash duty for a while.

Mordecai

Awesome! Wait, we're not getting another intern, are we? Because I don't think I can handle another spy situation.

Benson

No, I've actually got some very big news about your dome-estic situation! (everybody stares at him) Hopefully it won't cause any pan-dome-onium! (everybody continues to stare) Dome you have any ideas about what's going to happen? (everybody is still staring) No one, huh? Well, since I have to spell it out for you, Maellard's decided to seal off the park in a dome to create a contained ego-system! A group of scientists from the government are going to study it for a whole month!

Muscle Man

Bro, have would we ever have guessed that?

Mordecai

A whole month? Where are we supposed to go?

Benson

You'll have to move out, the dome's dropping tomorrow! Isn't that exciting?

Pops

Why aren't you more upset about the inconvenience?

Benson

Because I don't live at the park.

Skips

So we can stay at your place?

Benson

Heh, well, my place, while officially a one bedroom, (the wind starts blowing strong) feels more like a studio. So there isn't really any room! (he looks up and sees a dome coming down onto the park)

Hi Five Ghost

It's not tomorrow! It's today! They're sealing the park today!

Mordecai

Did you stay up all night watching Cat Videos?

Benson

Sure did. [laughs] Did you know there are internet cat celebrities? There's Fat Cat, Rat attack Cat, And Murray the Japanese Cat that likes boxes.

Mm. Looks like everything's normal.

Muscle Man

I just have one question for you, doc. Who's this guy? [points to Hi Five Ghost, laying next to him, cheerfully smiling]

Hi Five Ghost

Hi. I'm Hi Five Ghost. I actually work at the Park, too. I'm surprised we never ran into each other.

Mordecai

Whoa! You guys really don't remember each other?!

Muscle Man

What are you talking about, Mordecai? Why should we?

Hi Five Ghost

Yeah, I mean, how can I remember someone I just met?

Benson

How bad is it, doctor?

They're suffering from a very specific form of amnesia--one that only targets the memories of their friendship.

Muscle Man

We're friends?

Skips

Is it treatable?

Benson

Hey, didn't I tell you to mow the lawn? Why are you watching TV?

Mordecai

I don't know. Just feeling "blah" today, you know?

Rigby

Yeah, kind of got a case of the afternoon sleeps.

Benson

(groans) I don't wanna hear it. Get back to work or you're FIRED!!!

Benson

What are you doing?!

Huh?!

Mordecai

What time is it?!

Benson

6:00! The sun's already down, and you've raked NO LEAVES!

Mordecai

Oh, but--

Benson

No "buts," "ands," or "ifs"! I don't want to hear it.

Mordecai

Uh, I think it's "ifs," "ands," or "buts."

Benson

Well, if you talk back to me again And don't get back to work, your butts are gonna be FIRED!

Mordecai

Dude, this is serious. We got to get a good night's sleep.

Benson

(Now red) 'YOU MISSED IT?!?! ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS SIT THERE!! You do that all day anyhow, so why can't you do it when I tell you to?!!

Mordecai

We're sorry, Benson! We— (He gets cut off)

Benson

Just reschedule the delivery and fix this, OR YOU'RE FIRED!!!!!

Rigby

I'd say that was only about a five out of ten on the chewed-out scale. Not bad.

Benson

What are you guys-?

Mordecai

We did it! We survived the earthquake!

Yeah-yuh!

Benson

OUTSIDE, NOW!!!!!!!

Benson

What the? Nobody’s guarding it? Mordecai and Rigby!

Rigby

He's waking up.

Pops

King Edmund? Barnaby? Rignatius and Mordicus?

Benson

No, Pops, it's us. Everything is back to normal. The Park broke even and all is well.

Benson

What if she doesn't like spicy? I'll take half spicy.

[annoyed] They're just wings, buddy.

Benson

[turns around; annoyingly triggered] "Just wings?" These wings might decide whether or not I get to go out with the girl of my dreams! [turns red; furiously shouting] Everything has to be perfect!

[fearfully] Mommy, I'm scared.

Benson

WHY AM I STILL WEARING THIS THING?! [takes it off and breaks it]

Skips

There's no cell service.

Muscle Man

[whining] I need to call my wife, how am I gonna call my wife?! [sees that his phone has no service]

Eileen

[watches the Earth far away] Be careful what you write in your dream journal, Eileen. You might just get it.

Hi-Five Ghost

Oh, no! I'm lost forever! We're going to starve to death and die!

Rigby

We gotta press the button again!

Mordecai

[grabs Rigby] No! We gotta calm-

Rigby

[pressing the button while he's whining] GO BACK! GO BACK! GO BACK! GO BACK! My high school graduate, I'm too young to die in space!

Mordecai

Stop! [calms down everyone] Everybody, calm down. We've done this before guys. Last time we got trapped in the dome, we panicked. Right? But then we banned together and figured it out. We can't fall apart now. We are going to figure out how to get home. But we have to survive first. All we have to do is to make it one day at a time,

Benson

Mordecai is right, we'll handle this like we handle everything else, with a morning meeting.

Mordecai

Dude, we're in space.

Rigby

[chuckles] Yeah.

Mordecai

What if we're stuck here forever?

Rigby

Might not be so bad. [Mordecai lies down with him] I mean, we basically have the park and all the stuff we normally have. Also, I've got Eileen! And you have… [Mordecai pauses for a beat] ...me! And we have space ships! Maybe this is how we become space pilots! Unless that timeline was destroyed, I don't know.

Mordecai

[sits up] Yeah, but we'll probably make it back to Earth. [both laugh out loud, Benson enters]

Benson

What are you two doing? No one's heard from you for two hours!

Mordecai

Sorry, Benson! We were exploring and then we found these space carts.

Rigby

Yeah, and they were already crashed and stuff.

Benson

I don't care. I don't care. I don't care! We have a plan now. Quit goofing off and get to the surface!

Benson

Aaah! We're gonna die! (Gasps) Drifting in space, no way in communicating with earth... Thanks for getting us stuck in space, Rigby!

Rigby

You pushed that button, too!

Benson

Your hand was on top of mine!

Rigby

I was just going with the flow!

Benson

Going with the flow? I'll show you going with the flow! [furiously shoves Rigby hard]

Rigby

Ugh. Ahem. (smiles and punches Benson in the face in response)

Col. Rawls

I see one guy who isn't jazzed.

Benson

So, we're being forced to do this?

Col. Rawls

Well, this is purely a volunteer mission to benefit mankind.

Benson

[frustrated] Well, I don't volunteer! [leaves the room]

Col. Rawls

That's different.

Eileen

Why can't Benson see that this is going to be really cool?

Skips

He's afraid to try something new.

Pops

The park wouldn't be the same without him.

Rigby

We gotta get him on board.

Rigby

Cool, bunk beds.

Mordecai

Benson, check it out cool pillows.

Benson

Those pillows are not cool at all and neither is space.

Eileen

Actually, Benson, I hate to disagree, but living in space is the definition of cool. I mean, I just got goosebumps saying that.

Benson

Um, again; basically kidnapped and forced to do this.

Rigby

What's the matter, Benson? You can have top bunk if you want.

Benson

[sarcastically] Oh, the top bunk, now I definitely wanna stay in space. Muscle Man, what about Starla?

Muscle Man

Starla would be proud, Besides, I know our love will stand the test of time. [holds up a picture of him and Starla signed "Our love will stand the test of time -Starla"]

Benson

Well, Fives, what about Celia?

Hi-Five Ghost

Ditto. [pulls out a photo of him and Celia signed "Ditto -Celia"]

Benson

[agitated] I can't believe you people! Those scientists lied to us! MR. MAELLARD LIED TO US! UGH, I WANNA GO HOME!! [furiously storms out]

Skips

This is gonna be harder than we thought.