Here's your new jumpsuits. They got your names on 'em. Pretty cool, right? [Benson holds his jumpsuit]
BensonNo, not cool.
Benson
You should keep this anyway. I'm not staying.
Tuh… You still don't get it. You don't think this mission is important. Well, fine! We don't need you! All that matters is that we have a team that wants to be here.
This seems like a pretty important mission. You don't wanna experience that?
Come on, Benson, just stay with us!
Benson
I can't believe you are all fine with this. [scoffs, holds his clipboard] I mean, if this is a peaceful mission, why do we have to practice using weapons? Why did I have to wear that fax machine like a jerk if you didn't have anything important for me to do? I had a good life and then you had to drag us up here!
No more questions! That's an order!
Benson
Why would I listen to you? I'm the park manager!
Well, I'm the colonel, which is about 100 positions higher than you!
[Col. Rawls snatches and chucks Benson's clipboard into the trash, incinerates like a black crumpled piece of paper; everyone gasps]
Benson
Oh, I'm done. [turns red] I'm done with all of this!
Then go, then! We can get a pod back to Earth for ya, quitter!
Benson
Sounds great! I'm out! [he walks out the office]
Shoot. I thought for sure that reverse psychology was gonna work.
You can't be serious, Benson.
You're really gonna give up, now?
Benson
I've been telling you guys for the past two hours, you're not gonna change my mind. As soon as I finish this space panini, I'm outta here. [eats panini] There, I'm done.
If you really want to go, I guess we can't stop you, but, you should at least watch this before you leave. We all put this video together. We think it might change your mind before staying.
Benson
How did you make this?
Don't you remember that really cool editing bay we saw on the tour? There were so many VCR's!
Benson
[sighs] I know what this is. It's a tape full of sappy memories that it's supposed to convince me to stay, show me where I belong. Well, it won't work!
[a disheveled Benson inserts his dusty VHS tape in a player, it plays to see Mordecai holding the camera with Earth in the background]
Hey, Benson. Um, we get why you want to go back to Earth, but I'm not sure we were really upfront about why we wanted you to stay. [Benson starts crying]
It just wouldn't be the same without you. [cut footage to Rigby]
I won't be able to keep up with work without you breathing down my neck. [cut to Muscle Man]
And who am I gonna have wing-eating contests with, huh? [Fives pops up behind him]
I've always appreciated your no-nonsense attitude and dedication to your work. It's really inspiring. [Benson wipes his crying face; Eileen holds the camera]
Hey, Benson. I don't know you very well, but I do know you mean a lot to these guys, and I'd like a chance to get to know you better too. You do have the best chance of keeping Rigby from blowing something up.
It's true! I already broke the first camera we tried to record this with. [cut to Pops]
We all really look up to you, but also, you are our friend. And we'll miss you a lot, and...
[Pops starts crying loudly, Benson cries out in his sadness. Rigby places camera with the crew and Eileen]
All right, you get it. We'll miss you, so... don't go, all right?
Yeah, Benson. We can't do this without you.
[The title card appears that says "Space needs you, Benson!" and then the screen squiggles]
Benson
[scared] I made a huge mistake. [yells] I SHOULD'VE STAYED IN SPACE!!!
Benson
No way. You two have to learn the value of a space credit.
What is the value of a space credit?
Benson
Uh, look, I don't know. Just don't waste your money on junk! [walks away angrily]
Maybe these hover boots aren't worth it.
[As the Park Crew make their escape through the air duct…]
I'm so confused! What's going on?!
Yeah, why is Pops so special?
Oh, I didn't ask for this! Why does everyone on the Space Tree have to suffer on my account?
Benson
We'll figure it out later, Pops. Let's just do what Rawls said and get you out of here! There's a ship in the hangar we can take.
My bed. How did this happen?
[flashback]
I guess we'll never know.
Benson
You know, I need one too.
I never had a bed at the park.
My bed turned into a computer.
Benson
Ugh! As if it wasn't enough for them to blow up the Space Tree and chase us halfway into the next sector, most of us don't have a place to sleep! Before we continue our mission, we're gonna get new beds. Eileen, plot a course to the closest bed store!
Uh…I'm not 100% sure how to do that.
Benson
Eileen, figure out how to plot a course to the closest bed store!
UBUMÄK Bird Greeter
[leaps in front of the Park gang] Howdy, folks! [Mordecai, Rigby, and Benson scream in surprise] Welcome to UMÄK's intergalactic flagship. Your stores for modern furniture that's not only inexpensive, it's durable, too!
MRMordecai & Rigby
[laughing] Wooden butt.
UBUMÄK Bird Greeter
And make sure you check out our cafe and have one of our famous meatball subs! Iiit's meat!
What's the question mark for?
UBUMÄK Bird Greeter
Never mind that, here's a map. [gives Eileen a map before she opens it]
Benson
There. Beds. Sector 1-15-Z. Is that far?
UBUMÄK Bird Greeter
Yes! Now you better get movin'!
Why'd you have to get a metal bed, Pops?
[catches up to the gang and holds up her freeze gun at them before they turn to her] I heard it's good for your back. You should've left when you had the chance.
Benson
[hangs his head down] I know.
Well, now you don't have to worry about it, because even without those beds, I'll make sure you get a good night sleep. [as she's about to fire, the bird greeter gets in the way]
UBUMÄK Bird Greeter
Oopsy daisy!
Man, how do you walk with this thing? It's all lopsided.
Benson
What is going on in here? Look at this mess! I knew I couldn't trust you guys with inventory.
No, Benson. We're almost done!
Benson
No, you are done. And… what is this?
What is what? I don't know what you're talking about.
Yeah, Benson. It's a free country.
Benson
Whatever. Just go outside and rake the leaves.
Just give us five minutes!
Benson
No, now! (turns red) Move it! [locks the door] Of all the idiotic things I do around here.
Benson
Rigby! [Rigby wakes up with a startled gasp] We're rocketing through space at warp speed, and you're asleep at the controls?!
It's on autopilot. That means I don't have to push any buttons. And believe me, I tried to push a lot of different buttons.
Benson
Eileen, how close are we to the rendezvous point?
We should be coming out of warp right about... [presses a button causing the dome to exit warp drive] now.
Maybe Buttons McGee over here sent us to the wrong coordinates.
Wow, Skips, that's a really insightful name for Rigby.
Thanks. I've been reading some books.
Wait. What's that? [twists a knob to zoom in]
FCFemale Computer Voice
Alpha Dome found. Piloted by Mary Stone, John…
Benson
Alpha Dome?
It's the first dome sent into space.
Benson
Yeah, I know.
Then why were you asking?
Benson
I wasn't asking. I was just surprised.
It sounded like you were asking.
Benson
I wasn't asking!
Benson
Aah! Not again! Why do you ALWAYS disobey me?!
Whatever, you're not my dad.
Benson
(Turning red) You know what, Rigby? You're... bad! You're a bad boy. And you HAVE been all year!
Benson
[Flashbacks to all the bad deeds Rigby has done.] Rigby... you... are a... bad... boy!
Hey, man, no one's perfect.
Benson
Well, enough is enough! No Santa for you this Christmas. This year, you'll get a visit from Krampus.
Benson
He's the Anti-Santa. Instead of giving presents, Krampus comes to punish all the bad children by stuffing them into his basket.
Benson
It's a European thing. I'm sending to him Email at you right now.
You wouldn't do that! [messages him and gasps] You're ruining my life! [runs off]
You know, Krampus isn't real, right?
Benson
Oh, I know, just trying to scare him.
[feeling sick and has nightmares] Bad show!
[checking his temperature] He's so weak.
What did Anti-Pops do to him?
It was the same thing he did to Earl, like he almost erased him from existence or something.
Benson
Let's just do what Earl said and get Pops to the Seer.
SSpeaker
Now approaching Planet Nielsen.
[looks outside] That's a planet?
It looks like some weird appliance.
[looks outside] I got a bad feeling about this.
RTReel-to-Reel
Seer, we have brought the chosen one.
SThe Seer
Ah, yes, Pops. [turns her chair around, facing him] I've been expecting you.
[surprised] You know who I am?
SThe Seer
Of course I do. I know each and every one of you.
SThe Seer
Oh, Muscle Man. Always so brash. You know who else is always so brash?
SThe Seer
Come on, you know.
I don't know what you're talking about, lady.
[stunned and surprised] Whoa, bro.
SThe Seer
That's right. I've been watching you guys since the very beginning. I know everything about you.
SThe Seer
Sure. You all work at the Park, you and Rigby are the slacker duo, Benson's the grouchy manager, Skips is immortal. Funny stuff!
Psht! Anyone could have known that!
SThe Seer
Oh, yeah? [clicks a button on her remote; the show's main opening sound plays and hears Mordecai and Rigby onscreen shouting "OOHHH!"; Clips from all the show's episodes are then seen] You started off really strong. But when Mordecai started dating Margaret, things leveled off a little. I was always more of a CJ fan myself. Every Halloween was a spiking interest, but lately that's been a little weak as well. Rigby going to high school helped! As did Muscle Man getting married. Everybody sure loves weddings. And the whole going to space thing? Whoo! I was not expecting that. I'm curious to see where things go now. But then again - [turns off the screens] Everything must end eventually.
Benson
End?! What will end?
SThe Seer
Your universe, of course! Many universes have come and gone, it's the natural order of things. Yours lasted longer than most, but now the universe, your lives, the Park…everything. It's going to end.
[Everyone gasps in shock at this]
SThe Seer
Ah, but this is what this has all been leading up to, Pops. [presses her remote again, and a silhouetted image of Anti-Pops surrounded by flames is seen] The final battle with your evil twin.
Regular Show · 562 quotes
