Colonel Rawls quotes from Regular Show

Col. Rawls

I see one guy who isn't jazzed.

Benson

So, we're being forced to do this?

Col. Rawls

Well, this is purely a volunteer mission to benefit mankind.

Benson

[frustrated] Well, I don't volunteer! [leaves the room]

Col. Rawls

That's different.

Eileen

Why can't Benson see that this is going to be really cool?

Skips

He's afraid to try something new.

Pops

The park wouldn't be the same without him.

Rigby

We gotta get him on board.

Chance Sureshot

Here's your new jumpsuits. They got your names on 'em. Pretty cool, right? [Benson holds his jumpsuit]

Benson

No, not cool.

Sureshot

Harsh.

Benson

You should keep this anyway. I'm not staying.

Colonel Rawls

Tuh… You still don't get it. You don't think this mission is important. Well, fine! We don't need you! All that matters is that we have a team that wants to be here.

Mordecai

This seems like a pretty important mission. You don't wanna experience that?

Skips

Come on, Benson, just stay with us!

Benson

I can't believe you are all fine with this. [scoffs, holds his clipboard] I mean, if this is a peaceful mission, why do we have to practice using weapons? Why did I have to wear that fax machine like a jerk if you didn't have anything important for me to do? I had a good life and then you had to drag us up here!

Col. Rawls

No more questions! That's an order!

Benson

Why would I listen to you? I'm the park manager!

Col. Rawls

Well, I'm the colonel, which is about 100 positions higher than you!

Col. Rawls

I'm done.

Benson

Oh, I'm done. [turns red] I'm done with all of this!

Col. Rawls

Then go, then! We can get a pod back to Earth for ya, quitter!

Benson

Sounds great! I'm out! [he walks out the office]

Col. Rawls

Shoot. I thought for sure that reverse psychology was gonna work.

Colonel Rawls

A few months ago, you folks were scrawny, weak, confused, drifting aimlessly in space. Utterly useless. Until the Space Tree graciously took you in. Was it a mistake? Only time will tell. And now those worthless, scrawny cadets stand before me as moderately serviceable Space Tree Rangers. And today, you'll graduate the Spark Initiative and soon be on your way to terraform your first planet. I've already sent the coordinates into your dome's navigational computer, along with your personal fighter ships. Today is graduation day. There will be a ceremony tonight with light refreshments, compliments of the Space Tree. Hope to see you there.

WHOOOOOOA! Graduation!

Rigby

Wow, one minute I'm graduating high school, and now I'm graduating space? Take that, Dad!

Mordecai

Hm-hm! I don't think "light refreshments" are gonna cut it.

Comet Stop!

Mordecai

And he looked just like Pops! But evil!

Rigby

Yeah, like an opposite Pops!

Anti-Pops!

Mordecai

Jinx.

Colonel Rawls

[gasps in horror] He Who Will Erase Us. [turns on a microphone] Attention, Space Tree! This is your captain speaking! There's been a change of plans! You're all graduated, effective immediately! Congrats! Your first mission as Rangers starts now! Leave the Space Tree and get to your rendezvous points as soon as possible! Godspeed and good luck!

Sir! An unknown ship just docked with the Space Tree!

Colonel Rawls

We're too late.