Mordecai quotes from Regular Show

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When are you guys going to get it through your heads? Nothing you say or do will ever make me admit you're cool!

Mordecai

You know what, Benson? I just realized something. We don't care what you think.

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Mordecai

If we can get you to admit that we're cool, then you have to give us the cart back.

Sounds good to me 'cause it'll never happen.

You're wrong! You're all like "that'll never happen", and then we'll get all cool and you'll be all like "whoa" and then we'll be all like "in your face!"

Ha, then I'll be all like "GET BACK TO WORK!!!!!"

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MRMordecai and Rigby

Hey, Margaret.

Mordecai

Hey, is it true? Did you really move out of the house?

Yeah, we did! 'cause Benson got all rulesy!

Mordecai

We had no choice. It was either leave or live with some other dude with rules.

Wow, Mordecai! I didn't know you were such a rebel.

Mordecai

Yep. You know me. Total rebel. [they both laugh]

MMargeret

Well, good night. [almost closes door, but Mordecai stops the action with his foot]

Mordecai

Actually, we don't have anywhere to sleep, so we were hoping you would let us camp out here tonight.

Mordecai

I wish I could, but, my manager has a rule about that kind of thing. [pans over to guy in white shirt. He sticks a paper to the window that reads, "get lost campers"] Sorry, guys.

Mordecai

It's cool. I'm sure we can find some place to crash that isn't so big on rules. Later!

Mordecai

Dude, this is getting intense... [Mordecai is disappointing]

[moans] No! More! RUUUUULES! [zoom out before an earthquake, followed by a gust, occurs, followed by a mysterious laugh]

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Hey, guys. Listen, when you've got a minute, I need you to take a look at these.

Mordecai

Sure, Benson. [hands over "Benson's House Rules" book] Oh, the house rules? Thanks, but we already have these.

Uh, no, you don't. Cos I've added a few new ones in there and I'm gonna need you to sign off on them, okay? [leaves]

Aw, man, more rules?! He's gotta be joking!

Mordecai

Alright, let's see. "Rule #114: No feet on the table." [Mordecai and Rigby's feet are on the table, then they take them off, moaning] "Rule #115: No food on the table." [food is seen on the table, so they knock it all off]

Fine!

Mordecai

"Rule #116: No food on the floor."

WHAT?! That's going WAY too far!! [growls while straining himself to lift the table] Come on, man! Help me flip the table!

Mordecai

No, dude, just chill out. There's only one more new rule left.

What is it?

[Mordecai flips the page that says "Rule #117: No video games.", then, a shocked look comes to his face as the camera zooms in. Cut into Benson's office]

Mordecai

No video games!?!

Are you nuts?!

"Rule #47: No yelling!"

You can't take video games away from us, man! What're we supposed to do?!

Work. You're supposed to work.

Mordecai

You know what? We're sick of all your rules! "No prank calls, no rock-paper-scissors, no punchies — no unicorns"? What does that even mean?!

These rules are all totally random, Benson, and they're all aimed at us!

That's not true. "Number 68: no harpsichord playing after 10 pm."

[to Mordecai] I actually kinda like that one.

Mordecai

Yeah, but that's the only good one in there. The rest of them are terrible!

Look, I'm doing you a favor. Life without rules is chaos.

Mordecai

Fine, but we're only signing off on the rules we like.

Yeah, like the harpsichord one!

It doesn't work that way! If you can't agree to live by all the house rules, THEN YOU CAN'T LIVE IN THIS HOUSE!!!

Mordecai

Well then, we won't live in this house!

Yeah, cos your rules are wack!

Mordecai

We'll show you. We're not gonna live with any rules at all.

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Well, well, well. Wasn't so easy living without rules, was it? [opens book] Wait a minute. One of these rules is missing.

Oh, no. Which one?

I don't know, there's over a hundred of these things!

Mordecai

Well, then, how do you know it's missing?

[outraged] BECAUSE SOMEBODY RIPPED IT OUT!!!

Mordecai

That's crazy. I wonder which one it is.

NRNo Rules Man

Hmph. Hmph. I don't need those guys, I can play video games by myself. [The ripped page falls onto his lap. It is Rule #117: No Video Games] NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

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MEMargaret & Eileen

[unimpressed after the movie ends] What?

[amazed] Whoa! That was awesome!

I can't believe you guys think that's cool.

Eileen

Yeah. That movie was chauvinistic and also inaccurate.

Mordecai

I don't know. I heard that movie was based on a true story.

If this movie has taught us anything, and it definitely has, you only need one thing to get a girl's number… A sweet ride.

Eileen

I mean, not necessarily. You could just, you know, ask a girl for it, Rigby.

Eileen, don't be so naive, that would never work.

Mordecai

Rigby's right. It's a known fact that wheels make you more attractive.

A known fact! I don't know how many times I've almost gotten a girl's number, then some guy in a muscle car would swing in and totally ruin my game.

[The girls laugh]

Oh, guys. You're kidding, right?

Mordecai

Are you saying you wouldn't give us your number if we pulled up in some cool wheels?

You dorks would never be able to get a girl's number cruising.

Mordecai

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

[hops onto the table] Let's bet on it!

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Dude, Benson! What's the rush? It's not like you have somewhere to be.

Yeah, actually, I do! I do have a life outside of work, you know.

Yeah, right. Where are you gonna go, Benson?

Mordecai

Yeah, where are you gonna go, dude?

JUST HOLD THE LADDER!

Come on, man! Spill it. Where are you going to go?

[Mordecai and Rigby let go of the ladder]

Mordecai

Dude, Rigby! Leave him alone! Can't you tell you're annoying him?

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[gets up] That's it... I've had it with you two. I can't even knock out without you ruining my social life and getting me into stupid food challenges.

But Benson, we won! [grumble] ...Didn't we?

Won? I would've never gotten into this mess if you two weren't just messing around. You two are fired! No more chances, just get outta here.

Mordecai

[gasps] Benson, look!

What? [he pulls off paper attached to him, reading "CALL ME, 555-0155. ♥ AUDREY"]

Mordecai

What does it say?

Yeah man, what does it say?

Ah... Get back to work.

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Mordecai

Skips, have you seen Benson?

He's playing cards in my garage. He's convinced he can turn his luck around.

Mordecai

No, he can't. It's not even his luck! We have to stop him. [Benson enters] Benson, I got to tell you something.

Not right now, Mordecai. I'm right in the middle of a hand.

Mordecai

No, Benson! Listen, you shouldn't be playing cards right now!

Okay, so I've had a bad stretch lately. So my wallet and credit cards got stolen. So accounting lost my paycheck. So I can't afford to pay my rent or feed myself. But cards are where I'm luckiest! Cards are my girl! She's never let me down before and she won't do it this time.

Well, you gotta stop playing now because you got nothing left to wager with!

..Actually, Skips, there is one more thing.

[Benson walks back into Skips' garage, then walks back into the room again]

I just lost the park to the guy in the fanny pack.

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[The butterfly then lands on a bush. Pops is about to catch the butterfly, when...]

Come on, you know that's not the way you're supposed to do it!

Mordecai

Well, this way is totally faster.

Yeah, cuts the time in half.

But you're actually CUTTING IT IN HALF, you idiots! ( The chainsaw fails to start off screen) Oh, and great, you manage to break the saw in the process! Now, we're gonna have to buy a new one!

[ We cut to Pops in the rose garden, he is drawing a rose on his notebook. He is on the stem, until he gets interrupted for the second time]

What are you guys doing?! Soda?! You can't use soda!

Mordecai

Yeah, but the hose--

Oh, what, it's too hard to get the hose off the shed?! UNBELIEVABLE!

Well, at least it's diet. Nobody drinks that.

I drink diet. Not only did you guys ruin the hose...

[angrily scribbles his drawing, grunts, and storms away in anger and frustration]

Okay, men, this is the hour of prominence. On my signal, charge! Woooooaahhhh--- [He is interrupted by Benson Yet again]

[outraged, offscreen] YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! [Pops lays back, irritated - Outside, Mordecai is holding something looking like wood] Give me that! What is this, SANDPAPER?! [Looks at the golf cart. It is all scratched up.] You're scratching up the whole thing!

Benson, would you come see me for a moment, please?

MRMordecai and Rigby

Oooooh, somebody's busted!

Oh, grow up.

MRMordecai and Rigby

[Now rapping with taunt] B-b-busted! Benson's b-b-busted!

[Sighs] What is it, Pops? I'm in the middle of something.

Have a seat. [Benson sits down, sighs once more] Do you know why I called you in here?

Did you lose the colonel again? Try under your hat.

[Pops lifts his hat with the colonel inside, then puts his toy army men in the drawer]

It's a problem concerning Mordecai and Rigby.

What else is new? Don't worry, Pops, I'll take care of it.

Then we understand each other?

Absolutely. I've already warned them - one more screw-up and they're both fired.

But... Benson, I was referring to you.

What?

I'd like you to stop yelling at Mordecai and Rigby.

[scoffs] You're kidding.

Quite the opposite. It's too negative and bad for morale.

What morale? Those slackers never do anything unless you yell at them.

There's never a reason to yell at anyone.

They give me a million reasons everyday! Ptft, you just want me to be nice to them?

You don't have to be nice. Just don't yell.

[groans] Listen, Pops, I appreciate the concern, but I know how to do my job.

Benson, I think it's clear that my dad puts me in charge of running the park when he's not around, right?

Yes, but—

And that means you must do what I say?

Technically, but I—

And I am ordering you to stop yelling at Mordecai and Rigby.

Pops --

Understood?

[beat] Understood.

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[ We cut to outside]

So, what did Pops want?

Noth-- [quick zoom out] You guys are STILL NOT--?! [ Benson realizes he's angrily yelling, so he talks through his furious teeth]—guys are still not done?

Mordecai

What? You told us to take it nice and easy.

Yeah, I get it now. It takes time to do things right.

Mordecai

You rush, you make mistakes.

[furiously facepalms] That's not the point I was trying to make.

Mordecai

And then we started thinking-why clean something anyways? Dirt is a natural thing. It's like part of life, you know? [Benson turns red and furiously sizzles]

Yeah, and like, what is a hose? Hose...

Mordecai

Hose...

Hose?...

Mordecai

Hose... [Benson growls furiously, still red]

Yeah, exactly. But when you turn it on... [accidentally sprays water on Benson which Ticks him off] ...Sorry.

(yells furiously, kicks Mordecai and Rigby out of his sight) GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!!! (Mordecai and Rigby run away. Pops then appears behind Benson )

Benson, what did we just discuss?

Yeah, but, come on, Pops. They were totally--

Benson, I'm serious about this issue. Now if you yell at them again, I'm going to have to write you up.

[Rubs face and frustratingly growls] Okay, okay. I'll try to get it under control.

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(Clock transition to computer room. Benson is on the computer searching "Free anger management tips")

Recite a personal mantra. Omm? What does that even mean? Next. (searches again)

FFitch

Oh, hello, friend! I'm Fitch Munderson. (A dog runs up to him) And this is Kimmy.

Okay, where's this going? (fast-forwards the video)

FFitch

We have a sure-fire way to help you control your anger, for only $60.

Nope. (searches again while the screen is loading, then clicks several times while the screen is still loading) Ugh, come on! Close! (angrily growls) Omm...omm...omm...omm...omm...omm...(sighs) Huh. I guess it works.

(Cut to downstairs. The whole place has been torn apart. Mordecai and Rigby are seen searching for something)

Mordecai

Hey, Benson. Have you seen the keys to the cart?

Omm...omm...omm...omm...omm...omm...omm...

We can't find them anywhere. (Breaks vase) Uh-oh.

(From the window, two people are seen driving the cart)

Mordecai

Never mind. I think I know where they are.

(growling, Now red with tears in his eyes) RRRRRAAAAAAUUUGGGGHHH!!!!!!

MRMordecai and Rigby

AAH! ( The duo then run away)

Benson! I warned you! (Writes on clipboard angrily)

Pops, you're writing me up?

You know what happens next, don't you? ( He angrily hands Benson the paper)

Of course. Verbal warning, write up, fired. But you wouldn't fire me, Pops.

I'll do what I must.

What?! Pops, you can't take this job away from me! It's all I have!

I'm sorry, Benson. If you yell at Mordecai and Rigby again, I'll be forced to fire you.

(Pops leaves. Benson furiously turns red and angrily begins to jump several times while grunting)

Jeez, Benson, try counting to 10. (Benson furiously turns around and angrily grunts) Better make it 100. (leaves)

1, 2... (Cuts to outside) ...7, 8, 9... (Cuts to near the shed) ...75, 76, 77... (Benson suddenly stops and sees Mordecai and Rigby covered in pink paint, laughing)

Mordecai

Oh, hey, Benson! What's up? We're finally painting the shed! (Rigby throws himself on the wall, followed by Mordecai, who ends up going through the wall)

(furiously turns red and angrily growls. He then puts his hands on his face) 78, 79, 80, 81...

Dude, what's he doing?

(continues counting) 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87...

Mordecai

I dunno. But what do you think he'll do when he gets to a hundred?

MRMordecai, Rigby, and Benson

...88, 89, 90, 91... (Benson stops and angrily growls, put his hands on his face again and then furiously storms off while panting, still red)

MRMordecai and Rigby

...92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99...

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[Skips shuts off the computer, turns it on to find more malware in the computer; the printer explodes with all its paper shooting up the ceiling. Mordecai and Rigby enter]

Mordecai

Skips! What are you doing?!

I was just trying to fix your Error 219!

[gets to computer] Eugh... But it's not a 219 anymore!

Mordecai

Yeah, while you were gone, we messed it up and now it's an Error 220!

Ah, dude, it's even worse now!

Mordecai

Look, Skips, it's fine. We called someone to come fix it.

You what?! Look, guys, I can do this. I just need more time. When is this guy supposed to get here?

Mordecai

In an hour.

Okay, look, I can take care of this. If he gets here before me, stall him.

Mordecai

Why?

JUST DO IT!!

Jeez!!

Mordecai

Okay, okay! [Skips leaves]

Man, what's Skips's problem?

Mordecai

I don't know. I think he needs to realize that there's some things he just can't fix.

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Mordecai

Man, last night was the best. The best.

(while tapping on the keys of Mordecai's phone) Yeah, it was pretty fun.

Mordecai

I mean, Margaret and Eileen over for "Game Night," and nothing went wrong. No space portals, no video demons, nobody got hurt.

Except for Eileen and I whipping your butts.

Mordecai

Whatever, I had fun. Dude come on help out. Benson's not going to let us have people over anymore if we leave this place a mess. And put down my new phone before you break it.

Ok, just a sec. I am making you a new custom wallpaper.