Yellow armor? What does yellow armor mean? Is it like some kinda... special ops guy, or... man, this can't be good for us.
What?! Why am I even talking to you? It's a person! In yellow armor! We already established that!
Oh. Uh, maybe they got their own medic!
A medic? Caboose, we are not that lucky.
See? My suit is purple. Can you say purple? Pur..
Great! Once we learn all the colors, we'll learn why you shouldn't judge people by them.
Yeah, that guy is definitely some kind of special forces. He's probably trained in...knives or...ball-kicking or something.
An alien that looks just like the rest of us!?
And that is the scariest kind of alien.
Why are you even here? It would be easier for me to just call random people on the phone and talk to them about this. They would understand the situation better!
Blulululula. BluluLULUla.
Well, as you may remember, you were impregnated by an alien visitor who was on a noble mission to save his entire species from-
Can I get the short version, please?
Yeah. Ya got knocked up, ya got knocked out.
Oh yeah. I gotta start working out. Lose this baby weight.
Yeah, you know we- we should all start working out, you know especially some of us.
Yeah, some of us seem to have let ourselves go more than others.
Are you guys talking about me?
We, ah, didn't want to say anything.
Yeah. That's why we said something...fatty!
Hey, back off guys! I've been under a lot of stress. I've been carrying this whole fucking team.
Where did you carry us, to the buffet?
What are you guys doing up here, anyway? And what's that huge thing?
He means the ship, Caboose!!
But seriously, Sarge lived a great life. And now that he's dead, our lives are pretty good too. Zing! Hahaha! You know what I'm talking about!
C'mon, is this a remembrance or a roast?
Quiet in the front row. And I'm not askin', and he's not tellin', but I heard when Donut first came to the base, Sarge spent a lot of time talking about "glazed donut holes" if ya know what I mean. Hey-oh!
And who could forget the time Sarge showed us all how to field strip Simmons-
Okay that's enough, I said five minutes Grif.
Bye everybody, I'll be appearing at the laugh cavern every Tuesday. Ladies drink free.
GSGrif's Sister
WOOO-HOOO!
Okay, whatever. Get off! Hi everyone, I'm here to say a few words about our friend, Sarge.
Okay, like I was saying, I'm here to say a few words about Sarge.
(shouting) Boo! You suck!
Hey, everybody, I'm new here, and I didn't know Sergeant very well, but he was really old, and that's gross.
Grif, let other people have the spotlight for once
Anyway, when you're old and gross, you're probably going to die, and that's kind of sad. But when you think about it, all your friends are probably dead, too. And if they're not, then they're definitely old, and knowing old people is even sadder than being dead. So, anyway, whatever. Peace out.
So, this is it, Tucker. This is your little monstrosity. Your little abomination of nature.
I don't know how to be a dad! This isn't the way I planned it!
You planned this? Tucker, I had no idea.
No, I mean I always wanted to have the ideal father-son relationship. You know, where I see him for like eight hours every week and send checks to some woman I hate.
It's emotional conversations like this that make me miss my mom.
Ask him if he likes baseball.
It's an alien baby, Caboose.
Ask him if he likes t-ball.
Alien, Caboose. Alien was the key word in that sentence.
Seriously, don't go. I don't even know where to start.
Tucker, he's part of an alien race whose only purpose seems to be to tell huge, grandiose lies to people so that they can seduce them and impregnate them. So let's start with that. You know, common ground.
Yeah, I think I'll just stick to baseball.
Tell him about how his dad got to third base with you!
We didn't even use a coffin! We just threw a bunch of dirt on him!
No, I threw a bunch of dirt on him. You two only pretended to help and made a bunch of digging noises with your mouth!
Well, as your new commander, you're both going to learn a little discipline. And we're gonna start by running laps around the base. Sister, you can do girly laps.
You mean after we dig up Sarge.
No,[switches to shotgun] I mean right now, Grif.
Simmons, I don't think Sarge is going to like you picking up his shotgun.
[pumps shotgun off screen]
And I really don't think he's going to like you threatening me with it. Well, okay. He might like that part.
As the new leader, what I say goes. So everyone needs to start running right now.
You heard what command said. Sarge is dead. He died of... what'd he die of?
See, Sarge is dead of... an Aspirin overdose? Really?
I know, I didn't think it was possible! Trust me, I've tried.
Simmons, don't be stupid. He's not dead, he's just lying underground covered in dirt!
Oh, my God, what's wrong with you? Why didn't you tell us you were a Blue?
And don't say because nobody asked!
So what if she is a blue? We'll still keep her.
We can't do that! She's on the other team, she'll kill us in our sleep if we keep her!
Do I get to do that? 'Cause that would be awesome!
No she wouldn't! Besides, she's color blind! We'll just tell her we're blues!
Uh, hello? We already told her we're red. Idiot.
Yeah? Well she's fucking dumb, too. Hey, we're blue now.
Woo-hoo! Go Blue! Let's win!
