How 'bout a tasty lead sandwich with a side of Sarge! [He uses his shotgun to kill Grif.] Hold the life...and the mayo.
Sargeisms
Dr. Sarge M.D. to the emergency room! Prescription, death. Diagnosis, SHOTGUN! [Sarge melee's Grif with his shotgun.]
A priest, a rabbi and Grif all walk into a bar, and I kill 'em!
[Sarge walks in and shoots Tucker.]
Hey, Blue, how do you like them apples? And by apples, I mean bullets; in your face! [Sarge teabags Tucker repeatedly.] How do you like them pears? Guess what I mean by pears; deez nuuuuuuts.
My favorite part was the part when you died! Encore! Bravo!
What's the deal, dude? I've been here all day and I haven't even been in a single shot yet. Why did you guys call me down here?
What are you bitchin' at me for?
[Sarge suddenly walks in and kills Tucker.]
Ow!
Oh, come on, Sarge!
Oh, I'm sorry. Don't let me interrupt all your fancy dyin' talk. NOW DIE!
[Sarge proceeds to shoot and kill Church.]
Ow!
Hey, Grif, hold these bullets for me... [Sarge shoots and kills Grif.] ...IN YOUR GUT!
GGrif
Ow! I can see my spine!
Here, we have a run-down soldier, but today we'll show you that with a few simple modifications, you can make an attractive corpse. [Sarge shoots and kills Grif.] It's a good thing.
[Sarge starts off by killing Tucker.]
Dr. Sarge says take two barrels of this shotgun and call me in the morning when you're dead! Ring ring, hello? Is it you? Yep, you're dead!
Old Annoyance Be Forgot
Hey Church, I'm still trying to figure out what to get Caboose.
Christmas is in seven hours, moron.
I know. If you wait until last minute, you get all the good deals.
Ah, just get everybody the same thing. That's what I did.
Let me guess, everyone's getting a lump of coal.
FUCK no! Do you know how much coal costs!? It's like five bucks a ton! I'm not spending that much on you losers! (short pause) You're all getting a lump of smoal.
What's smoal?
It's a knockoff synthetic coal. It's just as good as the real thing. Except when you burn it, it doesn't make any heat. It just makes smoke.
Wha-what? How does it make smoke with no heat?
How the fuck do I know? Ask the fine makers of smoal.
Now that I'm thinking about it, maybe it's better that Church isn't here this year.
Yeah, Christmas is the one day of year you should never miss Church.
Ah, forget it, douchebags! You'll all still getting lumps of smoal.
Ah, crap.
Zero O'Clock
Simmons, have you seen Grif?
No sir, not recently.
Son of a -! He was gonna wash the Warthog before I went on mah trip!
I don't know what to tell you, Sir.
GGrif
(In a suitcase) Yes! This is the perfect plan!
Ah well... Did you finish packin' for me?
Yup. Got your suitcase right here Sir.
GGrif
D'oh!
Great. Then I guess I'm all set to attend the annual suitcase demolishing conference.
GGrif
The what? That doesn't even sound real!
Have fun Sir.
Where're you going Simmons?
To an XBox 360 launch party.
XBox 360? How did I miss versions two through three hundred fifty nine? I need to pay better attention.
Technology moves pretty fast Sir.
Come on, Grif- I mean suitcase. Heh heh heh.
4th Of July Safety Tips
(wearing his white "ghost" armor, next to Caboose) Hi, everybody. I'm Private Church from the popular web series, Red vs. Blu- (Donut enters) Hey, Donut! What are you doing, man? You're supposed to be wearing your old red armor so that we can be red, white, and blue. This isn't very patriotic.
I'm being patriotic...in my own way!
Alright, let's just start alrea-
Hello, everyone. I am Private Church from the popular web series, Red vs.-
Caboose, that's my line.
You can't prove that!
As you probably know already, this weekend we celebrate July 4th, or as it's known in Mexico, Cinco de Mayo.
Many of you may take this oppurtunity to enjoy your weiner.
I know I will!
But the real reason we celebrate the 4th of July isn't for the food, or the fun, or even the picnics with the nonstop binge drinking.
What?
There's only one true reason we celebrate the 4th of July: to have a lot of explosions.
Yay! It's fireworks day!
Kick-ass! I've still got 3 fingers left from last year!
(holding grenade) Hello, Donut. Check out this awesome sparkler! It is even more fun because we are playing with it inside!
Hey, that's not a sparkler, that's a grenade!
Don't worry. We are completely safe. All of the doors are locked from the outside, so we cannot escape- oh, wait a minute (explodes)
(grilling) Hey there, Caboose. How do you like your meat? Well done, or pink and juicy!
Yes, I will take that fuzzy glowing hamburger, please.
Hey! That's not a hamburger, that's a grenade!
I know! I switched them when you weren't looking!...Maybe I should not have done that... (explodes)
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Red vs Blue pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.