“Pilot” · Season 1, Episode 1
In this episode: Shawn Spencer (9), Gus (4), Carlton Lassiter (4), Henry Spencer (1), Buzz (1)
You solved all these crimes - what was it - watching the local channel 8 news reports?
All right, I confess, that's not true. Sometimes I watch channel 5. I prefer channel 8. The weather girl? Adorable.
So you're telling us that you can read guilt off of TV interviews?
Can't you?
I got the information because...I'm psychic.
Get him out of here!
Oh boy! (Leans against the door, looks at Officer Allen) Your grandmother would be so proud.
You spoke to her?
I did. She's safe, comfortable. She wants you to stop spending all your money on those charlatans.
The palm readers?
The palm readers.
Okay, just to be clear, um, you're claiming to be a psychic, Mr. Spencer.
(Moves his hands around until one is pointing at Lassiter and the other at Barry) How else would I know that you two are sleeping together? 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, 1... (Turns to Officer McNab) When's the wedding?
May 3rd - wait, how'd you know?
I'm getting dance lessons for a wedding reception and you are getting good!
Wow. That's amazing!
Oh come on, who is buying this!
(Allen, McNab, and a guy in a nearby jail cell raise their hands)
You named your fake detective agency "Psych"? As in "gotcha"? Why didn't you just call it "Hey, we're fooling you and the police department; hope we don't make a mistake and somebody dies because of it."
First of all, Gus, that name is entirely too long; it would never fit on the window. And secondly, the best way you convince people you're not lying to them is to tell them you are!
Don't you try and trivialize police work.
I think you're doing a bang-up job of that all by yourself.
You have a criminal record.
I was 18.
Oh, 18? Well that makes it okay, let me just scratch this out.
You're dating a murderer!
Not exclusively.
Alright, whatever, who kidnapped him?
Nobody.
Nobody! Excellent! Call the chief at home, tell 'em the crime is solved. Because apparently, we just imagined the whole thing!
(kissing waitress, grabs phone)
What are you doing?
I'm calling the police.
Any particular reason?
I think I just solved a case.
You didn't tell me you're a cop...
Me? Oh god, no. Wait! Does that disappoint you?
No, I just thought you might have handcuffs...
(grins) Oh, I have handcuffs.
This is a great plan! Camden McCallum deserves to be commended.
Maybe you should date him too!
Maybe I will!
When I was in the department there were two things I hated in this world: private investigators and psychics. Congratulations, kid, you just hit the disappointment trifecta.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Psych pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
