Ben Wyatt quotes from Parks and Recreation

Leslie

Okay Ben what do we do?!

Ben

It's unfortunate but the stakes are too high! We can't just stop campaigning. We stop, we lose!

Leslie

Good answer, great body! Ann try to beat what he said.

Ann

I'm not gonna beat him.

Leslie

Not with that attitude!

Ann

Okay fine! I think you should stop. At least until you apologize to Bobby in person.

Leslie

April?

April

I wasn't listening but I strongly disagree with Ann!

Leslie

Andy?

Andy

If..I..If...The guy...

Leslie

Okay!

Leslie

And that is "Groffle the Awful Waffle," a book I wrote and published on behalf of my education initiative. Any questions?

How did Groffle cross the syrup river? And why did you call Mr. Newport a jerk?

Leslie

...I should not have called Nick Newport a jerk because we need to be respectful of all dead people. I mean not Stalin or Hitler...I'm not calling Nick Newport Hitler.

Ms. Knope I have a follow-up to what I'm now deciding to call "Jerkgate." Are there any other deceased members of Bobby Newport's family you'd like to attack?

And quit ducking the waffle question. Did Groffle use a boat of some kind?

Ben

Alright! That's all the questions for now. Thank you everybody.

Are we to assume that he swam across the syrup river?

Andy

Sewage Joe! Ben Wyatt fired you for sending pictures of your penis to everyone and you've come here to pie him!

The little twerp has it coming!

Andy

Oh do I dare ya! Please! Give me one reason to take you down. I would love nothing-

Andy

Aww Fuck Ben! Sorry!

Andy

Oh ho! I did it!

Ben

[covered in pie] Yeah...Great job.

Ben

Your victory speech, Councilwoman Knope.

Leslie

Someday, when I'm more emotionally stable, I want to read the concession speech you wrote for me.

Ben

I never wrote it.

Ben

Guess what's in these boxes everybody. What!? Pizza! That's right everybody chill out, take a pizza break! On me! Ellis! What's up my male? Grab a slice of Za bro!

Ellis

Okay.

Ben

Hey. Dude you play Ultimate!?

Ellis

Yeah I played intramural at Georgetown.

Ben

Dude! So did I! In college!

April

Whoa! You guys should get married!

Ben

Hey Ellis! Elbow! El Chupacabra! Drinking coffee!

Ellis

...What?

Ben

Oh it's a...It's from 40 years ago. Never mind.

April

Are you busy? And writing Star Trek fan fiction doesn't count.

Ben

Ha. ...And I finished that last week.

Ben

[on phone with Leslie] I love you.

Leslie

I love you too. What are you wearing?

Ben

I can't do that right now.

Leslie

…oh my God, what are you doing?

Ben

I'm thinking about my future. [he pulls out a box and opens it, revealing a ring] I am deeply, ridiculously, in love with you. And above everything else, I just…I-I want to be with you forever. So Leslie Knope, will you—

Leslie

Wait, wait, okay? Just—I need to remember this.

Ben

Sure.

Leslie

Give me a second.

Ben

Okay.

Ben

Leslie—

Leslie

No, no, no, no, hold on. Just—I need another second, please. I need to remember every little thing about how perfect my life is, right now, at this exact moment.

Ben

[smiling] Okay.

Ben

You good?

Leslie

Yeah! I'm good.

Ben

Leslie Knope, will you—

Leslie

YES!

Ben

—marry me?

Leslie

Oh, yeah!

Ben

Okay! [they resume kissing]

Leslie

I'm so happy I want to shout it from the rooftops!

Ben

And she has. We've gotten several noise complaints.

Leslie

We're getting married!

Ben

All right.

Leslie

Wow! Beautiful fountain!? Perfectly manicured shrubbery!? This is like Parks Department porn! This guy is great! I don't care if he's some junkie, war criminal pimp. I am not gonna change my mind!

Ben

His name is Wrestin Saint James. He's from Eagleton.

Leslie

Oh I've changed my mind.

Leslie

No we cannot have someone from Eagleton design a park for Pawnee. We have had a blood feud that has lasted for 200 years!

Ben

We don't have a lot of time and he is the first decent candidate. So let's at least go meet the guy.

Leslie

Yeah. That's a good idea. Then we can reject him face to face. I like your plan.

Ben

...

Ben

I don't know if you knew this, but Leslie was born in Eagleton.

Leslie

Do not blame me for the sins of my mother!

Ben

Were you listening to him when he was talking about serving the public and making our communities better? You know who he sounds like right?

Leslie

Yes! Idi Amin. Or Lord Voldemort.

Ben

No. You!

Ben

Mr. Saint James. This has been a strange day but we wouldn't wanna leave you with the wrong impression of Pawnee.

Andy

[runs in] HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN HITLER!? [runs out]

...