Leslie Knope quotes from Parks and Recreation

Leslie

What I hear when I'm being yelled at is people caring loudly at me.

Leslie

The Tucker Park Graffiti Removal Project was a great idea that just ran out of steam. We had removed five cartoon penises - not even 10% - when we were shut down due to lack of funding. To this day, I am haunted by those remaining penises. One penis in particular...

Leslie

In a town as old as Pawnee, there's a lot of history in every acre. This wooded area is the site of, um, the murder, actually, of Nathaniel Bixby Mark. He was a pioneer who was killed by a tribe of Wamapoke Indians after he traded them a baby for what is now Indianapolis. They cut his face off...and they made it into a dreamcatcher. And they made his legs into rainsticks. And that's the great thing about indians back then - they used every part of the pioneer.

Leslie

[drunk] You know why tonight's fun? Cause everyone's so gay. And they know how to have fun and the dancing...just everyone is just who they are. And who they are is just stone-cold gay.

Leslie

I would like to be President someday so no I have not smoked marijuana. I ate a brownie once at a party in college. It was intense. It was kind of indescribable actually. I felt like I was floating. Turns out there wasn't any pot in the brownie, it was just an insanely good brownie.

Leslie

You know, in the 1880's, there were a few years that were pretty rough and tumble in Pawnee. This depicts kind of a famous fight between Reverend Bradley and Annabeth Stevenson, a widowed mother of seven. The original title of this was "A Lively Fisting." But y'know, they had to change it for...obvious reasons.

Leslie

Well we went on our first date and I didn't even know it...AKA I nailed it. No fires, no ambulances, just good old fashioned showing up drunk at a guys house late at night...

Leslie

PIKITIS!

Leslie

Pawnee's Library Department is the most diabolical, ruthless bunch of bureaucrats I've ever seen. They're like a biker gang but instead of shotguns and crystal meth they use political savy and shushing.

Leslie

Yes, we are a team, but I am the team leader. So I made a bold decision: we're playing it safe.

Leslie

I think this is gonna be a really good bonding experience with Ron. Guys love it when you can show them you're better than they are at something they love.

Leslie

The fourth floor is awful! The DMV, Divorce Filings, Probation Offices ugh. They put a popcorn machine up there just to brighten things up, but they used the wrong kind of oil and a bunch of people had to get their throats replaced.

Leslie

Wow that family looks so healthy. Look at them, they're all wearing vests.

Leslie

Fairway Frank is this awful possum who lives near the sixth hole of the public golf course. And he's actually number three on the parks department most wanted pests list. Right behind the bats who like to poop on the bell tower. And "Poopy" the raccoon who poops all over the high school cafeteria.

Leslie

Every year, Pawnee Cares teams up with the local cable access station to raise money for diabetes research. And it’s important because Pawnee is the fourth fattest town in the U.S. It goes us, Dallas, Tulsa and certain parts of the Mall of America.