Leslie Knope quotes from Parks and Recreation

Leslie

Well my boyfriend might not be moving back for a while so I have to back out. Just wanted to look at it one more time.

You know I can't give you your deposit back.

Leslie

I know.

And there's a $300...

Leslie

Alright Martha I get it!

Leslie

…oh my God, what are you doing?

Ben

I'm thinking about my future. [he pulls out a box and opens it, revealing a ring] I am deeply, ridiculously, in love with you. And above everything else, I just…I-I want to be with you forever. So Leslie Knope, will you—

Leslie

Wait, wait, okay? Just—I need to remember this.

Ben

Sure.

Leslie

Give me a second.

Ben

Okay.

Ben

Leslie—

Leslie

No, no, no, no, hold on. Just—I need another second, please. I need to remember every little thing about how perfect my life is, right now, at this exact moment.

Ben

[smiling] Okay.

Ben

You good?

Leslie

Yeah! I'm good.

Ben

Leslie Knope, will you—

Leslie

YES!

Ben

—marry me?

Leslie

Oh, yeah!

Ben

Okay! [they resume kissing]

Leslie

I'm so happy I want to shout it from the rooftops!

Ben

And she has. We've gotten several noise complaints.

Leslie

We're getting married!

Ben

All right.

Derry

Welcome to Thought For Your Thoughts, I'm your host Derry Murbles, sitting in for Nina Joplin who is touring the country performing a spoken word opera about pear-shaped women. My guest today is City Councilwoman Leslie Knope.

Leslie

It is a pleasure to be back, Derry. Your show last week on dolphin lactation...was just riveting radio. Derry my team and I are trying to build a park and we need input on the design from you, the citizens of Pawnee. So I guess I'm here to send out the bat-signal.

Derry

A bat-signal, for listeners who might not know, refers to the children's character the Bat-Man, a strong gentleman who fights crime nocturnally.

Leslie

...That's correct. Well put. This park is gonna be a celebration of Pawnee, by Pawnee, and for Pawnee. So you know send in your plan, or your resume and quick...Please hurry...This is all gonna fall apart if you don't hurry.

Leslie

Wow! Beautiful fountain!? Perfectly manicured shrubbery!? This is like Parks Department porn! This guy is great! I don't care if he's some junkie, war criminal pimp. I am not gonna change my mind!

Ben

His name is Wrestin Saint James. He's from Eagleton.

Leslie

Oh I've changed my mind.

Leslie

No we cannot have someone from Eagleton design a park for Pawnee. We have had a blood feud that has lasted for 200 years!

Ben

We don't have a lot of time and he is the first decent candidate. So let's at least go meet the guy.

Leslie

Yeah. That's a good idea. Then we can reject him face to face. I like your plan.

Ben

...

Ben

I don't know if you knew this, but Leslie was born in Eagleton.

Leslie

Do not blame me for the sins of my mother!

Ben

Were you listening to him when he was talking about serving the public and making our communities better? You know who he sounds like right?

Leslie

Yes! Idi Amin. Or Lord Voldemort.

Ben

No. You!

Ben

Mr. Saint James. This has been a strange day but we wouldn't wanna leave you with the wrong impression of Pawnee.

Andy

[runs in] HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN HITLER!? [runs out]

...

We present the crown jewel of Pawnee containing the sights, sounds and most importantly, smells that define your city.

There are several drool buckets for your more slack-jawed citizens. We also have food troughs full of cheeseburgers and public showers with instructions for those who've never showered before.

Leslie

[quietly with rage] You have five seconds to get out of here or I will rip your throats out.

Ben

Out! Now!

Oh hey, my backyard is bigger than your park so...

Ben

Leslie stay back! Stay back!

Ben

What the Hell happened man!?

I had nothing to do with that stupid prank. In fact that's why I'm late, I was firing the two people who were responsible and I was escorting them out of the building.

Ben

Well...good!

Full disclosure. Certain people in the firm wanted to promote them but I insisted they be fired.

Ben

If you swear to me that your serious, maybe we can salvage this.

I would really love to. But what about Leslie? I doubt that she could ever get over the bad blood between our towns.

Ben

I think you're wrong. Leslie is a very forgiving person.

Leslie

REVENGE! Hahaha this is for Pawnee you buttfaced pompous jerk! WOOOOO! I love you Ben! PAWNEE FOREVER! You want a stupid tie!? [spraying his tie] I'll give you a stupid tie! Haha Wrestin! Suck it! Now we're even.

Ben

Leslie.

Leslie

Huh?

Ben

He didn't do it and he fired the people who did.

Leslie

... [drops cans and runs away]

Leslie

Merry Congratuchristmas!

Ron

What?

Leslie

Oh! I forgot to sing you my Merry Congratuchristmas carol! Jingle bells! Jingle yay! Jingle good for you!

Ron

Get out.

Leslie

Yeah. okay.

Leslie

Ron guess why my thumbs are up!

Ron

No.

Leslie

Because I am giving you my 100% approval about Diane. She is perfect for you! She gets you! She is at the bar right now ordering a Lagavulin neat, for you! I mean she's even putting up with all this stupid, boring woodworking stuff!

Leslie

I'm sorry but you know it's not the Superbowl guys, let's take it down a notch. Anyway, you have my approval.

Ron

I don't need your approval.

Leslie

But you have it.

Ron

Don't need it.

Leslie

But you got it!

Leslie

This could end up being the best night in Ron Swanson's life! I am so so happy for him-

Tammy Two

Hello you gorgeous craftsman! Wow look at this room! So much wood ready to be worked.

Leslie

...Fuck me!