Leslie Knope quotes from Parks and Recreation

I think I speak on behalf of the entire world when I say we need to know the truth about where you were born.

Leslie

Okay. Well-

Chris

Leslie, let me handle this. Does it really matter? I mean how many of you were actually born in Pawnee?

Chris

..Fair enough.

Leslie

No matter what you heard ma'am, I was born here.

If you were so born here, then where's your birth certificate?

Leslie

Well I don't carry my birth certificate around with me-

Why!? Because you're hiding something!? You should go back where you came from!

Leslie

I am back from where I came from!

That sentence was confusing! You might as well be from China!

Leslie

To Abigail, "Flyest Hairstyle."

Leslie

And Ann gets the badge for "Second Flyest Hairstyle!"

Ann

Oh. I wasn't competing for that.

Leslie

I'll say!

Leslie

Hey Ron, whose club do you think is better? Yours or mine? The answer is mine. Say mine is better.

Ron

It's not a competition.

Leslie

Oh but it is! Your club made it a competition when they kept girls out. [in a mocking country accent] Oh my stars! I'm just a little lady! My fragile constitution cannot handle the fearsome outdoors!

Ron

I have no problem with strong women Leslie!

Leslie

[still in the fake accent] Who's Leslie!? My name is Annabelle Vandergraf and...y'all...I just fall to pieces when...the sun shines on my haird...

Leslie

Okay so what did everybody make for their loosely structured craft time? Lauren?

I made a Gertrude Stein!

Leslie

Amazing! Lauren, that's so good! I really wouldn't wanna follow that. Ann?

Ann

Oh boy...Um I was making some corn husk dolls for everyone. But they kind of turned out wrong so they look like monsters.

...

Ann

I'm sorry. I'm just gonna put that over there...in the fire. [throws dolls in the fire]

Leslie

Well Ann's keeping us warm and that's important.

Leslie

Come on Goddesses. We just struck a huge blow for equality by proving that we were better than them!

What about a public forum? You always say there's no better solution to a hot button issue than a good old fashioned public forum!

Leslie

...[quietly] Great idea Lauren.

What was that?

Leslie

I said great idea Lauren!

Leslie

[being interviewed] When you work in government, people often suspect that you're anti-business. So I'm throwing a little meet n greet with business owners and I've asked Tom's company to help. Here's my opening line: Hi, I'm Leslie Knope and I'm in the business of being city counselor.

Tom

Oh my God!

Leslie

I'm not going to use that.

Leslie

Although I've not worked with you professionally, as a private citizen I have personally patronized each and every one of your establishments.

Hmmm I've never seen you buy a salad at Sue's Salads.

Leslie

Cause I don't hate myself Tanya.

Leslie

I'm sorry. I know I should be chasing your vote but I stand behind my decision to avoid salad and other disgusting things. And I think I have a lot of support in the community for that.

Leslie

Hey! You stole the nipple king! Thanks a lot traitor!

Tom

I'm sorry I just needed to ask him about this one thing but we're all good now. What if I just introduce you for your speech?

Leslie

I have a better idea. Why don't you go over to one of your rugs and sit on your own face!?

Leslie

I need a few more volunteers. Andy, will you be Iceland?

Andy

The bad guys from Mighty Ducks 2? Don't think so.

Leslie

OK, how about Japan?

Andy

The bad guys from Karate Kid 2? Even worse. How about Germany? They've never been the bad guys.

Ben

It's a white flag, and you better start waving it now, Leslie!

Leslie

The only thing I'll be waving is your decapitated head on a stick in front of your weeping mother!

Ben

...Good Lord.

Leslie

Who is ready to join the coalition of the willing?

April

The Moon shall join your coalition!

Leslie

Look at that, we got the freaking Moon. What are you gonna do without tides, Peru?

Leslie

I'm just freaking out. The only thing we have left is work and now he doesn't want to work together anymore. What does that all mean?

Ann

I think you know what it means.

Leslie

Yeah. I should just drag out that tiny park project for as long as possible so Ben and I can keep working together.

Ann

That's almost exactly the opposite of what I meant.

Leslie

No, what I'll do is I'll get the neighborhood all riled up and then maybe they'll ask for an environmental impact report, and then Ben and I will work together for at least another year. Good idea, Ann.

Ann

Leslie, for God's sakes...

Leslie

No, Ann, please I beg of you, will you just shut your beautiful pie hole? Just sit there and let me stare are at you while you silently support me on this gameplan.

Ann

Leslie...

Leslie

[hugging Ann] Shh Ann...

Ann

Leslie...

Leslie

Your quiet support means the world to me, as does your tacit endorsement of all my behaviors.

Leslie

Tom, will you please tell the committee why we were kissing?

Tom

An online dating site randomly paired us up, so as a joke I thought it would be funny to pretend you and I were dating. And then you kissed me as a joke to shut me up.

Leslie

But we never had any other romantic contact after that?

Tom

No, that would be like dating my older sister's elderly aunt.

Leslie

No it wouldn't!

Ann

Your campaign advisors quit. Big deal. You're running for city council again, Leslie. With our help.

April

April Ludgate. Youth Outreach and Director of New Media.

Tom

Tom Haverford. Image Consultant, Swagger Coach.

Ann

Ann Perkins. Office Manager and Volunteer Coordinator.

Andy

Andy Dwyer. Security, Sweets, Body Man, Javelin, if need be.

Donna

Donna Meagle. Transpo', AKA rides in my Benz.

Jerry

Wh...You guys didn't tell me we were doing this. I did not know I was supposed to come up with something. I...

Ron

Ron Swanson. Any other damn thing you might need.

Leslie

Guys, it's so much work. I can't ask you to put your lives on hold.

Ron

Find one person here who you haven't helped by putting your life on hold.

Leslie

[choked up] I don't know what to say...except let's go win an election!

Ann

Leslie, I don't know the first thing about running a political campaign.

Leslie

Ann, you beautiful tropical fish. You're smart as a whip and you're cool under pressure. You've resuscitated a human heart in your bare hands!

Ann

No I haven't.

Leslie

You haven't!?

Ann

No!

Leslie

You will. You're that good of a nurse.