Leslie Knope quotes from Parks and Recreation

Leslie

Ann don't listen to your head or your heart. Just look at my eyes and say yes.

Ann

Okay yes!

Leslie

Yes! I believe in you Ann.

Ann

Thank you.

Leslie

And your first job as my campaign manager is to start dressing like one. I don't wanna have this conversation again.

Ann

Again? You just hired me eight seconds ago.

April

Wow you're doing a really bad job.

Leslie

William, Elizabeth!

Leslie, hi.

Leslie

Hi. What are you...are you coming to see me? Did you hear that I'm relaunching my campaign?

Actually, no sorry we weren't here to see you. We've been meeting with other potential candidates for City Council.

Leslie

Oh really? So my campaign ends and just like that you find someone else and run theirs?

Yes that's our job.

Leslie

...I know. Good luck! But I just had a big meeting with my new advisory board and they're brilliant and amazing! They're real killers.

Andy

Leslie! I tried to make ramen in the coffee pot and I broke everything.

Leslie

...Thank you Andy! I'll be right in.

Well uh, good luck Leslie. Honestly.

Leslie

Well we don't need luck....We are a rocket ship...We're relaunching and we're gonna blast past your candid-and they're gone.

Leslie

You look like a real campaign manager.

Ann

Thanks that's because I googled campaign manager and noticed that they wear a lot of dark colors.

Leslie

See there's more things to look at on the internet besides naked guys Ann.

Ann

...What?

Leslie

Let's not talk about dunking anymore. Let's talk about what you wanna do.

Okay.

Leslie

I think you wanna dunk.

I'm not gonna dunk the ball.

Ann

What about a layup?

Leslie

Glenn you're killing me.

They broke about 50 laws Knope! And that girl, she tried to get that gimp dog to bite me.

Leslie

Look I could sit here and fill out all the paperwork but you and I both know that you'd rather go home to Debra, eat a nice home-cooked meal and do what comes naturally.

That's not appropriate...

Leslie

Ron how's the stage coming?

Ron

Well, since we had to jettison the bulk of the wood, this is the biggest I could make it. [presents tiny stage]

Leslie

Oh my God. [notices her trimmed down banner] Good lord! What happened to the rest of my face!?

Andy

We had to jetsons most of the poster too but I kinda like it cause windows are the eyes to the house.

Leslie

Jerry you were in charge of getting a crowd. Please tell me that you pulled a Jerry and no-one's here.

Jerry

Okay well first of all, I don't like it when you guys use that term. And for the record, I came through. There are almost 100 people out there!

Leslie

Oh damn it Jerry! You just had to do your job didn't you?!

April

Yeah can't you do anything wrong Jerry?

Leslie

Ann you're fired.

Ann

Oh thank God.

Leslie

[quietly] Oh Ann you beautiful spinster. I will find you love.

Ann

What did you say something?

Leslie

Love you!

Ron

Thank you all for being here. Let's get started.

Leslie

Wow! Great attitude Ron.

Ron

Sorry, I was talking to these ribs.

Tom

Quick question about Ann. Does anybody know if she has any Indian in her?

Leslie

No one respond. No one say anything.

Tom

Why? I'm just curious if Ann has a little Indian in her.

Leslie

Silence.

Jerry

...I don't think she does-

Tom

Would she like some!?

Jerry

Leslie! I found a date for Ann!

Leslie

Jerry! Well done!

Jerry

I put an ad on Craigslist. "Man Seeking Man For A Night of Casual Fun." Enrico here responded right away!

I'll meet you inside okay?

Jerry

Okay! Thanks dude.

Tom

You hired a male escort.

Jerry

A what?

Leslie

Please get your gigolo out of here.

Jerry

[realizing his mistake] ...Oh my God...

Leslie

How are you?

Ann

Well it's Valentine's Day and I'm single and I'm at a couple's dance. Can't imagine a more depressing place to be!

Leslie

How about a wedding where you used to go out with the groom and you're the only one there without a date so the bride makes you dance to 'Single Ladies' by yourself?

Ann

Oh my God did that happen to you?

Leslie

Maybe! Let's get a drink!

Look Knope, I've always liked you, but the Newports run this town, and frankly they've donated a lot of money to the department.

Ben

Mo' money, mo' problems, that's what I always say.

How about mo' money, mo' protective kevlar vests that save lives?

Ben

I-I...sometimes I say that, too.

Leslie

I understand you need to think about it, but if you were gonna make a decision...

The guys are throwing me a little retirement thing tonight at O'Flinigans. There's gonna be beer so why don't you swing by, I'll give you an answer. Weirdo can come, too.

Ben

Alright.

Leslie

Let's go.

Ben

Oh hey, uh, may I say...

Leslie

Don't.

Ben

...that the boys in blue...

Leslie

Stop.

Ben

...are heroes. Obviously some more than others. Oh boy, here it comes........9/11.

Leslie

And we're walking.

Ben

OK.

Leslie

Is the menu all set?

Ron

Yes I will be providing several slabs of my world famous Swanson ribs.

April

And I will be providing my world famous $100 lap dances!

Andy

Sweet!

Leslie

No!