Boycie quotes from Only Fools and Horses

Danny

Boycie, how nice!

Boycie

Hello Danny. Your brother not with you?

Danny

Yeah. (Tony pops out from behind him)

Boycie

Oh watcha Tony. Drink?

Nah! That right, Marlene's up the spout?

Boycie

Yeah.

Danny

Dear dear dear. You let us know the minute you find out who done it and we'll sort him out.

Danny

Del Boy around?

Mike

No, I ain't seen him this evening.

Danny

Well that's funny his van's in the car park and what's this? A castella and a Malibu Reef? You sure he ain't around. Think hard, Guv'nor.

Mike

Well he may have been in earlier and then he left.

Danny

I see, you just had this place decorated?

Mike

(proudly) Yeah.

Danny

Shame. I want to buy everyone in the pub a drink, whatever they want. Now there's a pound, and I want change.

Boycie

Large cognac, please, Michael.

(when Harry, the coach driver, suddenly becomes drunk) It's no problem. You just chuck him on the back seat, let him sleep it off.

Boycie

Chuck him on the back seat? He's the driver!

Raquel

Hello Boycie. I suppose I've got to ask you in?

Boycie

Yes. I'd like to get away as quick as possible. I've left my Mercedes parked downstairs and you know what they're like on this estate. They'd have the wheels off a Jumbo if it flew too low.

Trigger

Give me a lift home will you Boyce?

Denzil

Yeah me too Boycie.

Boycie

Oh yes of course I'm running a bleedin' minicab service these days, ain't I?

Raquel

(about the women in the over-60's club) You should have more respect Mike. Those women went through the war for us.

Boycie

Yeah, you can still see the bomb damage on some of them.

Raquel

(when Rodney arrives at the Nag's Head after cleaning Del's recently accquired Capri Ghia) Your finger's bleeding, Rodney.

Rodney

Yeah, that happened when me hand went straight through the bodywork! I'm bleeding, see! There's blood! Oh yeah. Mike, you got a plaster?

Del

Oi, what do you mean your hand went through straight through the bodywork?

Rodney

There's a big rust hole in the wing. Boycie's blokes had stuffed it full of newspapers and body-filler and sprayed over it.

Boycie

That's slanderous, Rodney. That must have happened before I took possession of the vehicle!

Rodney

They were yesterday's newspapers!

Boycie

I remember a few years back when I had that important client coming over from Belgium and I was trying to get tickets to Wimbledon to impress him. You said "Leave it to me Boycie, I gotta contact at Wimbledon."

Del

I got you two tickets!

Boycie

That's right! They drew nil-nil with Ipswich!

Boycie

Everything was going well, we were having a lovely holiday...

Marlene

(cuts in) Shut up moaning.

Boycie

And then THEY (the Trotter brothers) turn up! And within fifteen seconds some sod's shootin' at us!

Marlene

You've done nothing but moan ever since we left Washington!

Boycie

Get that bloody boat in for God's sake!

Trigger

When I go in there, I'll just say I hear voices.

Denzil

Trigger, you're not on trial, you're a character witness.

Trigger

I know. But I still hear voices!

Boycie

Oh, God. This is gonna be one of them days!

Del

Well Boycie, I hope you won't take offence and what I'm about to say, but me and Rodney think you've murdered Marlene and buried her in the garden.

Boycie

How dare you! Murdered my wife and buried her in the garden? I have never been so insulted in my life. You know how much I've spent on that garden! You think I'm going to dig a hole in it?