Mickey Pearce quotes from Only Fools and Horses

Mickey Pearce

What are these things?

Del

Those? They are lawnmower engines.

Rodney

Lawnmower engines?

Del

Listen, they're not ordinary lawnmower engines.

Rodney

(interested) No?

Del

No, they're broken lawnmower engines.

Del

Who are you two after? Not the gruesome twosome, are you?

Mickey Pearce

They're alright!

Del

What do you mean, "alright"? They are so ugly that they even look alike.

Rodney

Del, they happen to be sisters.

Del

Sisters? (to the girls) Oi, girls! Seen much of Cinderella since the wedding?

Del

What are you up to, Mickey?

Mickey Pearce

I've just come back from evening school. I'm learning aikido.

Del

Really? Go on then, say something.

Mickey Pearce

Eh?

Del

Say something in Aikido.

Mickey Pearce

No, it's not a language Del. It's a martial art! I had a fight with five blokes last night!

Del

What was it, a pillow fight? Leave it out you ain't got a mark on you son!

Mickey Pearce

That's because I wiped 'em out with Aikido.

Del

Can you smell that? What is that? Sheep is it? It's cows? No, no, I know what it is. It's bullshit!

Mickey Pearce

Jevon! Jevon!

What?

Mickey Pearce

See the blonde bird? I've had her! And her mate. See that black sort at the back there? She's crazy about me! Phones me all the time.

You're one hell of a man, Mickey.

Rodney

Mickey, are you doing this for charity?

Mickey Pearce

What d'you mean?

Rodney

Well, I just wondered whether it was sponsored bullshit.

Mickey Pearce

I'm telling you the truth, Rodney!

(while Del is handing out sandwiches on the coach) You've got to give Del his dues, ain't ya? He did all the catering by himself.

Mickey Pearce

Oh, leave off Jevon, can you imagine Del Boy standing in the kitchen cutting up all them loaves? He probably got some idiot to do it for him.

Trigger

No, I made them for him. (Mickey nods at Jevon, to prove his point.)

Uncle Albert

I remember once just after the war.

Rodney

Oh don't start, Unc!

Mickey

We've had enough of your stupid stories for one day. Albert!

Del

Oi, oi, oi! Watch it! He's a war hero, he's got a right to speak!

Uncle Albert

I fought for free speech!

Del

(to Albert, venomously) Shut up!