TV show quotes
I think Patrick Kielty-
Is fantastic.
I think more of a cunt.
What! Excuse me...you can't say that word.
What? Kielty?
Because you don't have one.
So I can't say it?
No.
But I haven't got an umbrella...
[Later on, Simon says cunt again]
You can't say the word in front of Anthea 'cause I haven't got an umbrella.
[Trying to guess the name of a song with Phill miming at him]
...Love doesn't pull, love doesn't tuggle, love doesn't hold, love doesn't feel, love's got big boobs, love has a moustache, love's, love, love speaks sign language, love's got...holding, tightening, ah, ah, nosing, holding, nose, pointing, pointing at nose, oh...praying! Love is the Pope, love is the Pope, love is the nosy Pope, the Pope's got a lovely nose! I don't know...
Do you know what I think, I thinks number two 'cause he's dropping the style nice.
What are you...what's with all this speak?
[Laughs hysterically] I don't know!
Dropping the...You don't speak like this! You get nervous and start going all a-bibbidy-bobbidy...!
Number two hasn't blinked in the last twenty minutes...
He's not real, he's papier maché.
[To Ricky Ross] Paul Young, he's on the show next week. I've heard of him.
With regulars Simon Amstell, Bill Bailey, Phill Jupitus
With guests Vanessa Feltz, Matt Willis, Paul Young, Will Smith
[Watching a Westlife video]
Still going after seven years due to the unfortunate lack of murder, it's Westlife!
[After watching the Westlife video]
Erg, awful people.
I'm too old or too young for it. One or the other...
...Old...
Nowadays in show business, you haven't really made it unless you've been slagged off by Lily Allen- [A man delivers a letter] "Dear Simon...."....oh...apparently I'm a twat!...Nothing about you, Vanessa.
I think it is by that early boy band that all looked like car thieves that shagged on bins...E17.
[About E17]
They just had two guys in the background who did nothing.
Matt used to be one of those.
No, he played the bass.
He did play bass...[In a high pitched voice] or at least pretended to.
Tonight on Phill - when team members bicker!
Phill, Phill, can I say something?
Yeah?
[Simon stands up]
Right...I think, I think you don't know what you're talking about...you, you shouldn't even go there...and, talk to the face, 'cause my arse ain't listening...
[About Tina Cousins]
Still very much in the business...oh no, that's not right...err...
[Tina gives Simon the finger]
What's that?...
[Vanessa nodding: "Yeah, you give him the finger"]
...what's this? People who used to be on telly ganging up on me?!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Never Mind the Buzzcocks pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
