Kate Todd quotes from NCIS

McGee

So what's the plan? Good cop/bad cop?

Kate

More like bad cop/scary cop, McGee.

McGee

Which one is which?

Kate

You'll have to ask their ex-wives to find out.

Kate

[smiles] You're wasting your time. Doesn't bother me anymore, Tony.

Tony

Probie, wanna see something hot?

McGee

[walking over] Sure!

Kate

[whispering] What's-it-gonna-cost-me?

Tony

I don't know... you still have that Catholic schoolgirl uniform?

Kate

I hate to say it, but that was actually smart, Tony.

Gibbs

What was, Kate?

Kate

Tony might have figured out how to find the hacker.

Gibbs

It's his job. You think I keep him around for his personality?

Tony

Hey, turn that frown upside down, sweetie... we're going back to college!

Kate

Your problem, Tony, is you never left.

McGee

Is Gibbs still mad at me?

Tony

About what, probie? Dead marine on campus? Missing petty officer? Computer hacker who might be part of a radical peace movement? None of these things are your fault, really... But sending Gibbs on a panty raid?

Kate

He's going to kill you.

Abby

You guys are just in time for McGee's crisis of faith. He's starting to realize that there may be someone on this planet who's smarter than he is.

Kate

Oh, I'm looking at one right now.

Tony

Well, Kate, in all fairness, I am the senior field agent, but I think it's an experience that...

Kate

I was talking about Abby, dodo-head.

Abby

[Fake curtsies] Thank you, Kate!

Kate

Tony's car was towed. Poor baby had to take the bus to work.

Tony

[irritated] You know what kind of people take the bus?

McGee

Yeah, I take the bus.

Tony

Exactly.

Gibbs

Never had allergies. Never had a cold.

Kate

Never had a cold?

Gibbs

Nope! Never had the flu either.

Kate

Why do I believe that?

Kate

Tony, Please, we're stuck here together. Can we just make a pact? Until we're out, I won't make fun of all the stupid things you say, and you won't tell me any more film scenarios. Deal?

Tony

Deal.

Kate

Thank you.

Tony

Who would send me a letter with anthrax?

Kate

Pick a girl, Tony. Any girl.

Tony

That's not funny, Kate.

Kate

Yeah, I know.

Tony

This is serious.

Kate

I know, Tony! I'm sorry.

Tony

At this very instant, someone is incinerating my Ermenegildo Zegna suit, my Armani tie, my Dolce Gabbana shirt and my Gucci shoes!

McGee

You know, it might not be anthrax.

Tony

I like the sound of that, Probie!

McGee

It could be smallpox, bubonic plague, cholera...

Tony

Probie!

McGee

...foot powder, face powder, talcum powder...

Tony

Honeydust!

McGee

"Honeydust"?

Tony

Honeydust. I give it to girls.

Tony

Women! Sorry, Kate. I give it to "women" at Christmastime. Very sensuous. You apply it with a feather.

Kate

[chuckles] You don't use the whole chicken?

McGee

I never heard of honeydust.

Kate

Yeah, that's because your mother raised you to respect women, McGee.

Gibbs

It makes a woman's skin feel silky smooth. When kissed, it tastes like honey.

Gibbs

Got a box of Honeydust last Christmas. No card.

Tony

Ah... I think the post office screwed up, boss. Somebody else got your bottle of Jack and you got their...

Kate

Hey! Doesn't the post office irradiate our mail?

McGee

Yeah, that's right! All federal mail is funneled through the Ion Beam facility at Bridgeport, New Jersey. If it has DNA, it dies.

Tony

The diseases that you name, they-they have DNA?

McGee

They do.

Kate

Oh, you should have let him squirm.

Tony

Ha ha! Then, it's no worries!

Gibbs

Unless the post office screwed up again.

Tony

So, tell me doc. What have I got?

[sighs] Pneumonic Plague.

Tony

Plague? [chuckles] Plague..

Kate

That's right Tony. Plague. 'Cause only you would go off and get a disease from the Dark Ages.

Tony

I didn't put plague in the letter.

Kate

You opened it!

Tony

Yeah. So I opened it. What are you so upset about? It's not like you're lying... [realizes]

Kate

Yeah. That's right,Travolta. I'm infected too.

Tony

[sincere] Oh Kate, I'm sorry.

Kate

Well you're going to be sorrier.

Tony

[all serious] No. Don't tell me Gibbs got it.

Tony

Did you go Sake Bombing last night?

Kate

It's a cold! Ugh! Sake Bombing?

Tony

Come on Kate. Don't tell me you've never heard of Sake Bombing!

Kate

Would I ask if I...? (thinks for a minute) Forget it. I don't want to know!

Tony

You take a cup of hot sake, drop it in a beer, you toss it back and... (makes explosion sound)

Kate

(sarcastically) Sake bombing?

Tony

Great for a cold!

Kate

I'll stick to honey and hot tea, thanks!

Tony

McGee. Kate's never heard of Sake Bombing!

McGee

Yeah, I don't think I have either.

Tony

I work with a pair of wankers!

Gibbs

And you make three, DiNozzo!

Tony

And a very good morning to you boss!

McGee

(holds up a letter) This one is only addressed to Special Agent, NCIS.

Tony

(sees the lipstick mark on the envelope) I think that's mine!

McGee

(holds it out of Tony's reach) Huh? (sarcastically) How do you know?

Tony

(snatches it back) I recognise the lips and the scent!

Kate

(sarcastically) Gummy bears?

Gibbs

(whistles to get everyone's attention) There has been a letter opened with a white powder. Use the back entrance, you all know the drill!

Kate

(calls to Tony) Tony! (throws a bottle of water at him and then calls security) Letter opened in Special Agent Gibbs's Office, dispersed a fine, white powder. Level Two evacuating!

Gibbs

McGee, you up on procedures?

McGee

Yeah. We shower, burn our clothes, get our blood tested, no one leaves the building unless...

Tony

(pouring water over his hair and face) Lucky me! I've won a free trip to Bethesda to be pricked like a pincushion!

Kate

(hears a clunking noise) They've shut down the air. (panicked for Tony's sake) Lets hit the showers, Tony!

Tony

I thought you'd never ask...! Sorry, boss!

Tony

(lays on his bed clicking his fingers) Do you know who I feel like?

Kate

I'm afraid to ask!

Tony

Like the king of cool!

Kate

Elvis?

Tony

Elvis was the king of rock and roll, Travolta is the king of cool!

Kate

Well thanks for the clarification!

Tony

And do you know why I feel like Travolta?

Kate

I feel a movie coming on!

Tony

THE BOY IN THE PLASTIC BUBBLE! Travolta plays this boy born with an immune deficiancy...this was before AIDS! He lived in a giant plastic bubble!

Kate

Tony? (when she gets no answer she starts begging) Tony please! We're stuck here together. Can we just make a pact? Until we're out, I won't make fun of all the stupid things you say, and you won't tell me any more film scenarios. Deal?

Tony

Deal.

Kate

(sleepily) Thank you.

Tony

Emma?

Yes

Tony

You'll enjoy this...you look pretty without the mask by the way!

(rolls her eyes)

Tony

Ralph Bellamy played the doctor and now Ralph Bellamy was this big time actor who...

Kate

(pulls the pillow over her head in vain)