Abby Sciuto quotes from NCIS

Abby

[referring to an online fantasy site] I did a little trial and error with Laura Rowan's screen name, HomeAlone325, and Jeremy Davison's, NiceGuy653. Care to guess which fetish they have in common, Kate?

Kate

No, no. I'm going to hell just listening to all of this.

Abby

Is something wrong?

Kate

Gibbs is driving.

Abby

I'm sending a prayer in many languages.

Gibbs

Abs, do you have him?

Abby

[smug] Are you seriously asking me that?

Gibbs

[deadpan] No, I called to flirt.

Abby

[yelling] What?!

Gibbs

[pulls the phone from his ear, looks at it, puts it back to his ear] Yikes, Abby. What did McGee do now?

Abby

Put his size 10 shoe in his size 12 mouth.

Gibbs

You, blood spatters!

Abby

(hangs head and shuffles away) Yo ho heave ho...

McGee

You just ruled out both suspects.

Abby

No, I didn't. I just proved someone smoked Llamas at Rock Creek park.

Gibbs

Gibbs.

McGee

Boss. I don't know if this is important, but-

Gibbs

McGee, this better be the most important phone call you make in your life.

Abby

I enjoy going to the dentist.

Kate

What could you possibly enjoy?

Abby

A little pain is a good thing, Kate.

Gibbs

What did the urine tell you, Abby?

Abby

Oh all kinds of stuff, we had a really good talk.

McGee

What do you got, Abs?

Abby

[to Gibbs] Do I have to answer the newbie?

Gibbs

Humor him.

Abby

There were traces of cocaine in the box.

McGee

So Tony was right, he was dealing drugs.

Abby

Maybe not, the traces were microscopic so it could just be from hiding money.

Abby

He calls himself a federal agent.

Gibbs

U.S. money supply is contaminated with traces of cocaine.

McGee

I thought that was an urban myth.

Abby

Give me a bill.

McGee

Huh?

Abby

Give me a bill!

Gibbs

A hundred?

McGee

Yeah, I like to be prepared for any emergency.

Abby

You are such a boy scout.

Abby

Money is a great receptor because the ink never really dries. One bill used to snort cocaine then going through an ATM leaves minute traces of the drugs on thousands of others. Four out of five bills in circulation are contaminated to a level that can be detected by drug dogs.

McGee

Um, Abs?

Abby

Yeah?

McGee

Forgetting something?

Abby

No.

Tony

At least I don't hang out with married people.

Kate

[to Abby] Would you please tell him that a man and a woman can just be friends?

Abby

Absolutely they can.

Tony

Without having sex?

Abby

Oh no, they'll have sex.

Kate

Abby?!

Abby

What? Come on, Kate, haven't you ever slept with a friend?

Kate

[upset] What is wrong with you people?

Gibbs

[steps in] Good question, Kate.

Abby

[reading lips of people on a tape] "We have to..." something. "We have to - blank - him."

McGee

Kill?

Kate

Murder?

Tony

Love? [Gibbs slaps him] Ow. I really wish you'd stop doing that!

Gibbs

I will, Tony! When you stop "blanking" up!

McGee

[referring to the poison ivy covering half his face.] So, honestly how do I look?

Abby

Um... Do you want the truth, or do you want me to lie to you to, uh... ease the burden of your own self-loathing?

McGee

I'd prefer the lie.

Abby

Me, too. You're the fairest in the land, McGee.

Tony

Looks like we're going to play Gibbs' favorite game...

Abby

Ooo! Musical interrogation rooms!

Abby

Hey Gibbs, do you have a camcorder?

Gibbs

[goes back into lab] Yeah. Digital, OK?

Abby

Good, Gibbs. Way to go! [as Gibbs is walking out] Did you make the jump to CDs yet? [Gibbs pauses and turns around to look at her] 'Cause if you didn't, it's cool. 'Cause all the hot DJs, they use vinyl these days anyway.

Gibbs

[stares at Abby blankly] Just get it to me. [walks away]

Abby

Gibbs! [Gibbs stops] Peace out, man!