Abby Sciuto quotes from NCIS

Abby

If Major Mass Spec were a guy, I would totally marry him and bear his little Mini Mass children.

Abby

[about the suspect] She's like Lisbeth Salander meets scary Katy Perry.

Abby

The snow is falling faster than my holiday spirit. There's a pregnant Marine being hunted on Christmas. Heaven and nature are not singing.

Abby

You can stare all you want but a watched mass spec will not coil. He's also immune to wishing, hoping, willing, most forms of voodoo.

Abby

[as Gibbs and Borin enter her lab, excitedly] Gabbs! Gabbs Gabbs Gabbs!! [Gibbs and Borin look at her, amused] It saves time, you know....just go with it.

Abby

["talking" to the evidence] Really, Benham Parsa. You think you can just leave us a note and run away? I know. How about I write you a note? Dear Benham Parsa, you can kiss my–– [Gibbs walks in] Hey Gibbs. I have things to tell you!

Abby

[hugs McGee] You're so...McHuggable.

Abby

Who are you what are you doing here and who's the twenty-seventh President of the United States?

Abby

Gibbs, Gibbs, Gibbs, Gibbs, Gibbs! I have news, I have lots of news, I have big news.

Abby

If the hat does fit, you can't acquit.

Abby

Oh, come on; one of you would have said it if you had thought of it first.

Abby

What are you going to do while I test for poison in a health snack?

Tony

I'll wait.

Abby

There's a futon under the desk.

Tony

Bless you.

Abby

What are you, my priest?

Tony

Curse you?

Gibbs

[to Todd] You mind if I tag along? Please?

Abby

Wow, Gibbs said please!

Gibbs

Kate. (she takes gum) When's the President returning?

Kate

Uh, tomorrow. Noon. I'm flying back tonight to rejoin the detail.

Gibbs

Mind if I tag along?

Gibbs

(childishly) Please?

Kate

(smiling smugly) You can. Your Sig Sauer can't. We have a rule: no weapons on Air Force One unless they're Secret Service. Kate pops the gum in her mouth. Gibbs shrugs and takes off his sidearm, tucking it away in a drawer. He puts on his coat and follows Kate out.

Gibbs

(to Ducky and Abby as he passes) Keep looking.

Abby

(amused) Wow. Gibbs said "please".

Gibbs

How long to find the acid and check out the rest of the chutes?

Abby

Well, I'm flying solo, so at least a day.

Gibbs

Go faster if you had an assistant?

Abby

Definitely.

Gibbs

Okay, you got the job.

Kate

I get to do forensics?

Gibbs

No, you get to schlep for Abby. She gets to do forensics.

Tony

Why didn't you take this fast to me, Abby?

Abby

You're like a piercing, Tony, it takes awhile for the throbbing to stop and for the skin to grow back.

Tony

Well, that's more than I wanted to know.