Timothy McGee quotes from NCIS

Tony

We can't find him. But we're not going to give up until we do!

McGee

Or die trying!

Tony

[with a horrified look at McGee] Or die trying?! You had to put that in his head?

McGee

According to Petty Officer Riley's C.O. he's been on leave the last six days.

Tony

Nice vacation, little camping, knife to the heart, little trip inside a bear's digestive tract.

McGee

Yeah I'd fire my travel agent.

McGee

Something wrong, boss?

Gibbs

Just admiring your feminine glow.

Tony

Next thing you know, you'll be wearing clogs in bubble baths.

McGee

What is wrong with bubble baths?

Cesar Bernal

[To McGee] You've been watching too many cop shows.

McGee

Well, you've been watching too many... gang... person shows.

Tony

I don't think McGee watches enough cop shows.

Ziva

McGee is a capable interrogator. He can be quite intimidating when he wants to be.

Cesar Bernal

You can't keep me in here like this!

McGee

No, actually, I can. You see, La Vida Mala has suspected ties to al-Qaeda. So all I have to do is say the word "terrorist" and I can keep you in this room until you grow old and die.

Tony

That... actually was intimidating.

Tony

You're deep moisturizing to bring out your "feminine glow".

McGee

I had dry skin, ok? My doctor recommended it.

Tony

[laughs mockingly] Haha! Well, you're walking a slippery slope there, Probelicious. Before you know it, you'll be taking bubble baths with your clogs on. [Ziva laughs quietly]

McGee

What is wrong with bubble baths?

Gibbs

[walks in and barks at the team before Tony has a chance to reply McGee] Load up!

Gibbs

Two kids found the First Sergeant floating under 6 inches of ice.

Tony

Ice? That means...

Ziva

You're now going to make a really juvenile cold case joke?

Tony

It was a really good one too.

McGee

Something wrong, boss?

Gibbs

Just admiring your feminine glow. [Ziva snickers]

Tony

I'm just saying, Probie, the whole metrosexual thing isn't working for you.

McGee

I got it, Tony. Joke is over.

Tony

Not joking man. We all know that the ladies love a macho man who's in touch with his feminine side, but I gotta tell ya, I think you're coming off a little gay.

Ziva

Because he uses body lotion and likes to take bubble baths?!

Tony

You forget the manicure?

McGee

Manicure was only once and that was because I tore a cuticle.

Tony

You just set off gaydar across the entire Atlantic seaboard.

McGee

Tony I am not gay!

Tony

This isn't about orientation. This is about image.

Ziva

So now your image is homo-pubic?

Tony

Term is homo-phobic.

McGee

What Tony was saying about me before, you know. Do I come off as unmanly?

Ziva

[looks at him in surprise] I think Tony was jerking your brain.

McGee

Chain? Jerking my chain?

Ziva

Whatever. I think you're appropriately masculine.

Ziva

[pauses] However, perhaps not macho. [McGee stops and looks at her] Tony and Gibbs are, uh, "tough guys". Yes, they're...

McGee

So I'm not tough.

Gibbs

[walks in] You have to ask.

Tony

Is that man lotion working for you Probie?

McGee

Didn't shave today. Trying a new look.

Tony

When you say "today", you mean the last couple of minutes or... [examines McGee's face]

McGee

Abby seems to like it.

Tony

Like what?

Ziva

Looks nice, McGee. It's very manly.

Tony

May I? [touches McGee's chin]

Gibbs

DiNozzo.

Tony

[realizes Gibbs is behind him] Hey Boss.

Gibbs

Why are you touching his face?

Tony

[continues feeling McGee's chin] I don't know, it feels good though. It's like a bunny rabbit.

Gibbs

Don't!

Gibbs

McGee, you're trying too hard. [hands him a bottle of shaving cream]

Gibbs

How was the flight, Lance Corporal?

It was, um… long, sir. How much trouble am I in?

Gibbs

Trouble? Why would you say that?

Four NCIS agents escorting one lance corporal?

Tony

You got it all wrong, Marine. She's Mossad.

Gibbs

I hope you slept on the plane, Lance Corporal.

Tony

Yeah, it's gonna be a long night. You want to get the cash first, or the Iraqi weapons?

Ziva

[steps on the gas pedal of the car and flooring it] Not scaring you, am I?

McGee

I'm fine.

I don't know what you're talking about, sir.

Tony

Really? 'Cause you were on leave with First Sergeant Downing, and you were with PFC Reggio the night he was killed in the drive-by shooting.

I can't help a coincidence.

Ziva

A coincidence, Lance Corporal? Five dead bodies, you're our only link.

Gibbs

Your company, your fellow Marines are stuck in Iraq until we solve this case.

You don't think I know that, sir?

Tony

He knows. He just doesn't care.

Gibbs

Hey, Silva, you know what? We have names for guys like you when I was on active duty. A Bravo Foxtrot. It's an explicit term for a sexual…

It wasn’t supposed to happen like this!

Gibbs

Like what? [Ziva floors the car; punching it]

If a drive-by killing isn’t solved right away, the cops forget about it. NCIS forgot about it! Private Reggio was my best friend. He died in my arms. I couldn't just let that go, sir.

Tony

So you decided to turn a quick buck?

No. I called Sosa to meet… but… but not to sell him any weapons. I wanted blood.

Gibbs

And your First Sergeant found out about it.

I don't know how… but he did. He yanked my leave and restricted me to base.

Gibbs

Then he went to the meeting in your place.

He didn't go down there to kill anyone, sir. He went down there to make peace. To end it. He didn’t want anyone else to get hurt. If I could, I'd switch places with him. I would.

Gibbs

Yeah. Yeah, I think you would, Lance Corporal.

Abby

[pretending to be a commander] Men, we are here today for three reasons. 1) We can't find Miguel Sosa. 2) I'm not even sure if he exists. And three-- [Unknown to her, McGee has been standing behind watching]

McGee

Who were you talking to?

Abby

[marches to McGee] You will address me as sir, soldier!

McGee

[looks at Abby in bemusement] Sorry. Who were you talking to, sir?

Abby

My army. Major Mass Spec. Captain Comparison Microscope. Ensign--

McGee

...isn't an army rank. It's actually Navy.

Abby

[annoyed that McGee has interrupted her fantasy] What do you want, McGee?

McGee

Sounds like a bloodbath.

Tony

Mondays. How many bodies we talkin' about here?

Gibbs

Who said anything about a body, DiNozzo?

Abby

This is so embarrassing. Okay, in my defense what self-respecting drug dealer cuts his cocaine with potassium cyanide?

McGee

Obviously one that doesn't care about repeat business.

Abby

I'm a scientist, and he plays with voodoo dolls.

McGee

Uh, Abby, you play with voodoo dolls.

Abby

I meant metaphorically, McGee. I don't think they actually do anything. I just play with ‘em, y'know, to relax.