McGeeBed time. I'll take the sleeping bag.
We're adults, McGee. We can share the same bed.
McGee
[Seeing Abby playing with his typewriter] If you promise to keep your hands to yourself.
Clearly, you haven't. Your shirt [Abby is wearing McGee's shirt] smells like J.Lo Glow. Oh, I can't find my toothbrush; I think it fell out in your car.
McGee
That's all right. Your old one's still in my bathroom.
You kept my old toothbrush? That's a little creepy, McGee. Maybe you should take the sleeping bag.
McGee
What is creepy about it? I just never bothered to throw it out. (Abby brings a toothbrush out of the bathroom) What?
This is not my toothbrush.
McGee
Well, then I must have bought a second one and forgot about it.
It's a ladybug toothbrush McGee. It's for cute girls named Gina Marie that bake cookies and wear J.Lo Glow. Not for quasi-manly federal agents who carry a gun.
McGee
Are you going to use it or not?
An anonymous toothbrush? I'd rather remove my own tonsils with Typhoid Mary's straight razor.
McGee
Where are you going?
McGee
No. No, you're not leaving the apartment.
Why not McGee? We both know Gibbs is just being over-protective.
McGee
I'm not worried about you. I'm worried about me if Gibbs finds out I let you leave.
That's a really good point. You go.
McGee
I'm not leaving you alone either.
Fine then I'll just use your toothbrush.
McGee
(grabs his coat) Do not answer the door for anyone. (leaves)
(someone knocks on the door, Abby answers it)
McGee
I told you not to answer the door for anyone!
McGee
My keys.
Why do you need your keys if I'm here?
McGee
My car keys. Now, you do not answer the door for anyone. (Abby gives him a mock salute) Anyone, or I will tie you up.
McGee
Boss, you're gonna have to try and get her out of the elevator first.
[Gibbs goes to the elevator, where Abby is sitting in the corner holding a stun gun]
Hey Gibbs. [elevator closes] Did you know that only 5 of the 2½ million deaths each year occur in elevators?
[Abby has come up to the squad room to take pictures of the dead man.]
Why do I feel like everyone's staring at me?
McGee
Because they are.
Did I do something wrong?
Have you ever been to Disneyland, Abby?
Yeah. You know those camera toting tourists with white socks up to their knees wearing fannypacks?
Well, yeah. We spend half the time laughing about [Abby looks down- she is wearing white knee length socks and a plaid skirt and has a camera around her neck]-- oh, my God. I've turned into my Uncle Larry.
McGee
So am I, and I saw the DVD twice.
The Sound of Music confuses you, Probie.
[She opens her mouth to sing, Tony claps a hand over her mouth.]
One note, and I will lock you in a room and make you listen to "It's A Small World" for twenty-four hours straight. Do we understand each other?
[Interrogating a ship's captain, Ziva plucks away his cigar.]
CCaptain
[in Turkish, under his breath] Bitch...
Mcgee
{confused} What did he say?
[in Turkish] How would you like this bitch to apply that cigar to your testicles?
Mcgee
Now what did you say?
[McGee doesn't want to go into the room where the explosion happened, and Tony gives him a job to do outside]
McGee
[as he's leaving] On it, boss!
[smiles] I do love it when he calls me boss.
Is that why you're being nice to him?
I'm not being nice. Lugging foot lockers is probie work. [Ziva gives him a knowing look] ...All right, I cut the probie some slack.
What are you not telling me?
McGee
What do you mean?
You have that three-little-pigs-look.
McGee
What?
The three little pigs. They were afraid to open the door because the big bad wolf was outside.
McGee
I don't know what are you talking about. (Something rings...)
Wow... this is definitely going on my wall. (Ziva walks in)
I should be a professional photographer!
The Director hasn't called.
She didn't call you, did she?
Because, you know, the way you're acting, you might have just, I don't know, forgotten to tell.
McGee
Ziva, do you notice anything different in here?
McGee
That's it! No music. (He looks at Abby) You know, you usually play music in here...
What if those were Gibbs' guts smooshed all over that room?
Oh, for God's sake, Abby, they're not.
The color would be more coffee-brown than red.
(Abby slaps her on the face, Ziva slaps her back, Abby slaps her again and so does Ziva. McGee looks shocked).
[Interrogating a ship's captain, Ziva plucks away his cigar.]
CCaptain
[in Turkish, under his breath] Bitch...
McGee
[confused] What did he say?
[in Turkish] Want to see this bitch take that cigar to your testicles?
McGee
Wait, what'd you say?
[gets his gun and badge back from Tony, gives him a long look] You'll do.
[Gibbs puts his gun and badge in Tony's hands, and squeezes his shoulder]
It's your team now. [turns to McGee] You're a good agent, Tim. Don't let him tell you otherwise.
McGee
I won't, boss.
Gibbs... [Gibbs puts his finger over Abby's lips and kisses her on the cheek]
[walks back to Ziva] I owe you, Ziva.
McGee
Nuns?
Yeah, y'know, nuns with the big white hats and the --
McGee
Habits. Yeah, they're called habits, the white hats.
Yep, that's right. They called… to say that bowling was canceled.
McGee
[amused] Bowling nuns.
Geez, McGee, what are you on some kind of anti-nun crusade here?
It's really not that bad, McGee.
McGee
For a spy you're a horrible liar.
Ziva's right. You can hardly notice. But...
McGee
But?
I wouldn't let Agent DiNozzo see it if I were you.
Let Agent DiNozzo see what?
McGee
(mumbles) Nothing.
Why are you mumbling, McGee?
McGee
(mumbles) I'm not mumbling.
Well, you either just said "mimes aren't rumbling" or "I'm not mumbling." And I don't see any mimes. Agent Lee, why is Agent McGee mumbling?
He over-bleached his teeth, Sir. Apparently he fell asleep while wearing his bleaching tray, Sir.
You don't watch Friends, do you? Same thing happened to Ross. You could have learned from our friend's mistake. But you chose to read instead! Let me see the damage.
McGee
(mumbles) No.
As team leader, people, I need to be aware of any condition that might affect an agent's ability to perform his or her duties.
And what does having embarrassingly white teeth have to do with performing his duties?
McGee
You said it was not that bad!
She lied! Open up your mouth.
McGee
(mumbles) No.
McGee
(mumbles) No.
McGee
(mumbles) No.
McGee
What is...?
[McGee is upset that Tony still calls him 'Probie']
McGee, how long have I been an NCIS Special agent?
McGee
Almost... sixteen years.
Wanna take a wild guess at what my first partner still calls me?
NCIS · 1,787 quotes
