Ziva David quotes from NCIS

Roy

Would you think you'd have noticed... that I was no longer there? That I'd stopped running.

Ziva

Yes. I would've noticed... I would have missed seeing you.

Roy

But eventually you'd have forgotten me.

Ziva

Yes... [takes Roy's hand] I won't forget you now.

Tony

Who's the designer?

Ziva

Why do you assume I know?

Tony

Because...

Ziva

Because-because I'm a woman? Because I'm Jewish?

Tony

Because you're a great detective.

Ziva

...True.

Ziva

They say the clothes make the man.

Tony

He's not a man, he's a McGee.

Abby

(to McGee, holding a dollar bill and a candy bar) Give me a dollar.

McGee

Okay. What's wrong with that one?

Abby

The machine wouldn't take it. And I want a candy bar.

McGee

What's wrong with that candy bar?

Abby

It has nougat in it.

McGee

But you hate nougat.

Abby

I know! It was a mistake, McGee! Do you have a dollar?!

McGee

All I have are big bills.

Ziva

What is nougat?

Tony

It's whipped dolphin fat.

McGee

No. That's the filling in Klowny Kake.

Abby

That is a myth. [Shouts] Would someone please give me a dollar?!

Tony

Sure, I got one.

Abby

Thanks. God, it's like some kind of crime to not like nougat! [Leaves]

Ziva

I don't even know what nougat is!

Gibbs

It's a cream, made from sugar, honey and nuts. Grab your gear. Got an explosion at a Marine's funeral in James River National.

McGee

Did anyone else see what just happened there with Abby?

Tony

Yeah. She stole my dollar.

McGee

She definitely seemed Un-Abby.

Ziva

Who?

Tony

Abby.

Ziva

Abby's unhappy?

Tony

No. Abby's Un-Abby. I need you to focus here, okay? Pitch in. I'll talk to her when I can.

McGee

Why you?

Tony

Because dealing with an angry woman requires a great deal of sensitivity. Clearly not an area of expertise for you.

McGee

Well, I don't doubt that you have more experience with angry women.

Tony

See? That wasn't very sensitive, was it?

Ziva

The man has one serious relationship and all of the sudden, he's an expert.

Tony

All right, there is one clear-cut, undeniable reason why I should be the one to talk to Abby: She owes me a dollar.

Tony

Well, well. Look who's finally here.

Ziva

Oh, like you've never been late, left early, or gone mysteriously missing.

Tony

Oh no, that's my point exactly. Tardiness is my middle name. In fact, it's expected of me. You, on the other hand, have become the poster girl for punctuality.

I'm not convinced that it wasn't this guy. I mean, how do we know Ducky didn't make a mistake?

Ziva

Tony.

Tony

Because Ducky doesn't make mistakes, Paula.

Ziva

Which means what you saw yesterday was, by definition, mistaken.

Look, even if he did die the day before, it doesn't mean he wasn't involved. Right? Tony?

Tony

She does have a valid point, Ziva.

We don't even know what his cause of death is. For all we know he could've committed suicide!

Ziva

A suicide bomber who commits suicide before his bombing? That doesn't make any sense!

Tony

No! It doesn't! But it does raise an interesting point. Imagine, if you will, ladies. An assisted suicide of a suicide bomber who suicided before his suicide bombing. It's kinda like how many chucks could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wo--

Gibbs

[Head-slaps Tony] DiNozzo, what the hell is wrong with you?

Tony

I am just trying to lighten the mood of the room a little bit, boss.

Gibbs

I got a better way: Leave. And take her with you.

Ziva

That works for me.

Paula

Works for me, too, David.

Ziva

Da-veed!

Ziva

Was no secret he was writing about us.

Tony

Oh, come on, it's not about us. I mean the whole part about Lisa and her broken heart?

Ziva

And the memento she keeps from a relationship that never had a chance to happen?

Tony

Yeah. Where's he gettin' that? Or the scene between Lisa and Tommy where they pour out their hearts to each other and spill their secrets?

Ziva

When he tries to explain the profound nature of his identity crisis?

Tony

Yeah, I mean, the hidden struggle between who he is and what he's becoming? I don't even know what that is.

Ziva

Yeah, totally unrealistic.

Tony

Would never happen.

McGee

I can't imagine what I'd do if I lost my eyesight.

Ziva

You'd adapt.

McGee

What if I didn't?

Ziva

You'd fall into a deep depression and eventually you would die.

McGee

Remind me not to come to you for a pep-talk anytime soon.

Tony

Abby's processing evidence from his office. She nearly bit my head off when I poked it into her lab to check on her.

McGee

Quit drinking caffeine.

Ziva

Abby?!

Tony

Abby Sciuto?

Tony

How long were you guys there?

Ziva

Long enough. So, you are getting a new roommate?

Tony

We're discussing it.

Ziva

What is there to discuss?

Tony

It's complicated.

Ziva

Complicated, complicated, complicated. You know, in America I have noticed the use of that word as a code for 'if I explain it, you would not agree, therefore I will use the word "complicated" and hopefully you will stop asking!'

Tony

That's pretty much it in a nutshell. I'm going to go see what Abby wants...

Ziva

Tony.

Tony

Ziva... if you're going to give me advice on dating, I'm going to need to get something out of my system first, okay? [laughs heartily]

Ziva

Stop laughing or I will hurt you.

Ziva

I know what you're doing. You're hiding behind all these jokes, and I know what you're hiding from.

Tony

Really? What's that?

Ziva

What everyone who is afraid to love hides from: getting hurt.

Tony

It's not just me that I'm worried about hurting, Ziva.

Ziva

That's because you're a good person.

Ducky

Unless you're a spy.

Ziva

Why're you looking at me?!

Ducky

I'm trying to lighten the atmosphere with a little humor.

What're you doing here?

Ziva

I asked first.

McGee

Well technically, Ziva, I think that if we were to put that to the test you'd find that it was too close to call. But, since my parents raised a gentleman and yours raised a killer, I was defragging my computers.

Ziva

Liar.

Jenny

His cover is teaching film online in American university.

Ziva

Tony, a teacher?

McGee

No wonder he's been compromised. Who's bright idea was that?

Jenny

Mine.