Leroy Jethro Gibbs quotes from NCIS

Gibbs

What happened to your face?

What happened to your arm?

Gibbs

The job.

Same.

Ducky

A mutual saving of a life is a powerful bond. [chuckles and points to Gibbs and Fornell] As evidenced by the two of you.

[to Gibbs] Oh, is that why we're friends?

Gibbs

It's more like shared misery.

God knows you've got enough to go around.

Gibbs

Hey! I'm a happy guy.

Since when?

Gibbs

You don't know what I've been doing. I haven't seen you in months.

Whose fault is that? You only call when you need something.

Gibbs

Well, apparently when I need grief.

Gibbs

Ooh. It smells like a French whorehouse in here.

Palmer

[referring to his new cologne] That's me.

Gibbs

What are you trying to do, Palmer? Raise the dead?

Gibbs

I wanted to see how Jensen lived.

Tony

It says a lot about a man. Take your house for instance: clean, no nonsense, stoic.

Gibbs

Stoic? My house is stoic?

Tony

Understated, then?

Gibbs

I planted some roses last weekend. Red ones. Are red roses stoic?

Tony

Well, they're prickly and thorny.

Ducky

She also put some of Mother's silver in the dishwasher.

Gibbs

Really? [sarcastically]

Tony

[searching their victim's house, after finding the front door open] Clear, boss!

Tony

Maybe not totally clear.

Borin

Toss the gun. Do it now.

Tony

[laughing] Take it easy, sweetheart. Who are you?

Borin

I'm not the one breaking and entering.

Gibbs

[approaching Abigail from behind] No, the door was open. Ladies first.

[entering from behind Gibbs] It's turning into a party around here.

Tony

Wow. looks a little like Reservoir Dogs, except you're cuter than Harvey Keitel.

Gibbs

[holding up his badge] We're federal agents.

Borin

Get his I.D.

Gibbs

Look, don't touch.

NCIS.

Borin

[lowering her weapon] Come on, really?

Gibbs

Who are you guys? DEA? FBI?

Borin

CGIS.

Tony

[chuckling] Coast Guard, boss.

Borin

You got a problem with that?

Tony

[stops laughing, seriously] No.

Borin

Yeah. [head-slaps Omagi] Put the weapon away, Kyle.

Oh yes, ma'am.

Tony

That's a nice head slap.

Ziva

[to Tony and McGee] You know what, you two? I have actually heard of this. You two are having a seven year bitch.

Tony

Itch, and yes we are.

Ziva

You two are like a married couple.

Gibbs

Oh, no they're not. They're still speaking.

Gibbs

Abby --

Abby

No time for smalltalk, Gibbs, there's way too much to tell.

Gibbs

I only said 'Abby', Abby.

Abby

Well, now you've said it thrice.

Abby

Wait. Could you give McGee my hug today, because he really needs one.

Gibbs

[looks oddly at McGee]

McGee

[shakes his head] I'm good boss, thanks. [Gibbs turns around and leaves] [McGee gives Abby a look as she laughs]

It's gnarly, dude.

Yeah, for real.

Gibbs

Words, use 'em. Helpful words.

We were sleeping in our van, yo, right. We heard bam, bam, boom, boom, crack, crack.

Gunshots, dude. That's what I said. I was like, dude, gunshots. [turns to look at friend] Right?

Ziva

So you're saying there were six gunshots?

No, two gunshots. But there was like an echo and he was like, dude don't look and I was like dude were looking.

Yeah, and then, then we like peeked through the windows and we saw two dudes drive off in a black Lincoln.

Gibbs

Two? You sure there's two, it wasn't an echo?

Yep, two dudes.

Two dudes.

Thanks for doing it my way.

Gibbs

Yeah, don't mention it.

I was being facetious.

Gibbs

Yeah, me too.

[he and Gibbs walk into Director Vance's office without knocking and turn on the tv] You have a surveillance camera in the conference room now. Hope you don't have on in the elevator.

Vance

[is crouching behind desk going through files] We don't, not yet at least, Agent Fornell. [sits up] How can I help you?

Gibbs

To borrow your tv.

Vance

And my copy of Emily Post. Door was closed.

Gibbs

I thought you were in MTAC.

Vance

Well, we all make mistakes. That's why God invented knocking. McGee's int he conference room interviewing Susan Grady.

You sure you don't have a camera in the elevator?

Vance

When I do, you'll be the first to know, Agent Fornell.

State Department has appointed Ms.Hart to be Alejandro's legal counsel for the task force.

Gibbs

Of course they did.

I met Allison in Mexico City. We work well together.

Alejandro was very helpful in my securing Colonel Bell's release from prison.

Gibbs

Maybe we shouldn't be cooperating, Leon.

Gibbs

You okay?

Tony

Not really. I broke rule number ten. Again. Never get personally involved in a case.

Gibbs

Yeah. That's the rule I've always had the most trouble with.

I thought you were going to start locking your front door.

Gibbs

Well, if I did that I'd have no social life. What are you doing here, Alison Hart?

You didn't seem happy with my new status at NCIS.

Gibbs

Oh, and I thought I covered that so well.