Leroy Jethro Gibbs quotes from NCIS

Abby

Ducky found tissue underneath our victim's fingernails. Most likely from the killer. I ran the DNA, no matches.

Gibbs

Doesn't sound much like a breakthrough.

Abby

Well, it's not, but it is helpful because all military DNA is on file.

Gibbs

Just means our killer wasn't in the military.

Abby

Uggh... Rules out Director Vance.

Gibbs

It's good work. Get the address to Tony and Ziva.

Gibbs

Nice job.

Abby

What the bio-hazardous material is this?

Gibbs

It's all they had.

Abby

A mini Pow?

Abby

Uggh, this is another bad omen. Gibbs, this does not bode well for my future.

Gibbs

Abby, I wouldn't worry about it.

Abby

Why's that?

Gibbs

Because, I've got your back. Always have, Abs. [kisses her on the cheek] Always will.

Abby

Hi, Gibbs.

Gibbs

Hey, Abs.

Abby

Hi, Gibbs.

Gibbs

Hey, Abs.

Abby

Can I come in?

Gibbs

Yeah. You already are in.

Abby

Oh, right. Okay. It was nice talking to you.

Gibbs

Abs. Why are you here?

Abby

You know why I'm here. I matched the bullet in Pedro Martinez's head to your sniper rifle. You killed him. In cold blood. I mean, I know what he did, Gibbs. He killed your wife and your daughter, but Gibbs.

Gibbs

I know.

Abby

Gibbs doesn't do things like that, or does he? Now I don't know. I don't know anything. The only thing that I do know is that I didn't find this out by accident.

Gibbs

Rule forty.

Abby

If it seems like someone is out to get you, they are. You have no idea how much I wish it was yesterday. Maybe if I could just close my eyes and open them again it will be. [crosses her fingers and closes her eyes, only to open them in dismay] Do you realize the situation that I'm in now?

Gibbs

Yeah, I know.

Abby

Do you understand the choice that I have to make now?

Gibbs

I know.

Abby

Stop saying I know!

Gibbs

What do you want me to say?

Abby

Tell me I'm wrong! Tell me that I made a mistake with the ballistics or --

Gibbs

No. No, I can't say that.

Abby

Then tell me how much I've been like a daughter to you, and how much you love me.

Gibbs

Will that help?

Abby

No. What I really need to know, Gibbs, is if you're going to love me no matter what.

Abby

Since when did I become the kid in class that the teacher won't call on? The evidence in my report says that you killed Pedro Hernandez, and you're not even willing to talk to me about it.

Gibbs

I didn't think I needed to.

Abby

I owe you everything! You're Gibbs! No one needs to know the truth about the Hernandez investigation. I am willing to do anything for you. I just need you to tell me what to do.

Gibbs

No you don't, Abs. I've only ever needed you to do one thing.

Abby

My job. But it's different this time. I mean, it has to be, right?

Gibbs

No, it doesn't.

Gibbs

Ain't that a riddle? No way out. Guy trapped in a room, no doors, no windows."

How did he get there?

Gibbs

Walls were built around him. But there's nothing there except a mirror and a table. How does he get out?

Look in the mirror, see what you saw. take the saw, cut the table in half. Two halves make a whole. Climb out the hole. Most retarded riddle I ever heard.

Vance

You know, there's a story about Humphrey Bogart on that tour. Might be apocryphal, but I hope it's true. So he finishes early, walks across the street to the bar, still wearing his costume and his make-up. Couple hours later, the director realizes he needs Bogie for one more shot, so he sends a production assistant, sends a kid to drag Bogie back onto the cafe set. The director somehow gets him to the top of the stairs and says, "all I need you to do, is look over here and nod."

Gibbs

That's it?

Vance

That's it. Bogie nods, one take, he's done. It's in the movie. When Victor Lazlo wants the band leader to play "La Marseillaise", he looks to Rick for the okay. It's only the turning point for the entire character. Where he actually makes a commitment, and joins the cause.

Gibbs

All he had to do was nod.

Vance

And that started everything.

Tony

That horse likes you!

McGee

This isn't funny, Tony.

Tony

Oh, poor McMounty. [affects Canadian accent] Hey, so have you seen any, like, moose and stuff up there? Hey, where's your buddy Claude. Isn't that your friendly St. Bernard with a little barrel of whiskey under his chin?!

McGee

I've been up here playing Dudley Do-Right for two weeks, all right? It's September and there's snow on the ground, could you at least give me a little compassion here?

Tony

And what would that be for? Did you forget to take off your toque when you entered a room? You're going to get in trouble up there, hanging with the bluenecks, throwing back a two-four of pale ale.

McGee

I've actually been working, unlike some people!

Gibbs

Certain people here are working.

McGee

Of course, boss.

Gibbs

Thought you were dead.

I got better.

Abby

Also, you are not to touch my computer, my lab equipment, my mp3 player, my Caf-Pow, my desk or Burt my farting hippo without my express written consent.

Well, how am I going to do anything then?

Abby

And there's no cameras or flash photography.

I don't have a camera.

Abby

And if accidentally turn my back to you, you are to immediately move back into my eyeline.

Why don't I just wear bells?

Abby

That's a really good idea! [moves across the lab and retrieves a set of bells from a drawer] I mean, I'm sorry about this. Darren worked out, but I've just had problems with people that have been assigned to my lab. [holds out the bells]

I'm not putting those on.

Abby

Oh, actually you are!

No, I'm not?

Abby

[cheerfully] Except for the fact that you are.

Gibbs

[walks in] Abs, I need something fast.

Abby

[to Seelus] To be continued. [to Gibbs] Who are you and what you done with my Gibbs who doesn't like interns?

Gibbs

This is Special Agent Gibbs.

It was self defense.

Gibbs

Why don't you come on in, we can talk about it?

I think we both know that's not gonna happen.

Gibbs

You lied to me Mason.

I am sorry about that, but I just didn't want to take the chance that NCIS would screw things up, so I went to the ransom drop myself.

Gibbs

Yea, how'd that work out?

You're not the only one who was lied to. They said Rebecca would be there, they lied. I did not start the fight.

Gibbs

No, no, you just ended it.

He was trying to kill me, he gave me no choice. That's why I am calling you, to warn you. These people cannot be trusted. It was like the amateur hour out there today.

Gibbs

And you're the professional? Right?

I am what I am, bad luck for these guys. The rest is not important.

Gibbs

Mason, you need to come in before you cross a line that you can't come back from.

I don't have a lot of time so let me be as clear as I can be. There is not a force on this planet that's going to stop me from finding my granddaughter. You have to work within the law. I am a bit more flexible. [Call disconnects]

McGee

Well, he sounds serious.

Gibbs

No kidding.

Gibbs

You were supposed to be here an hour ago.

My daughter had a performance at school, I told you. Be nice to me. I'v just spent two hours with our ex-wife.

Gibbs

Yeah! She mention my name?

Not for years.

Gibbs

Heh, you shaved your beard!

That's very observant.

Gibbs

What is that?

It's rice.

Gibbs

I thought you were picking up cheeseburgers.

It's lamb curry from the Punjab Express.

Gibbs

We both agreed we hate that place.

We did, but I got a twofer coupon in the mail.

Tony

Hey, boss, good news: a guy fitting Malloy's description just paid cash for a ticket to Glasgow.

It wasn't me.

Ziva

Gibbs, where did you find him?

Gibbs

I didn't. He found me. Ziva, you watch him. You watch him like Syria, not Switzerland.

Abby

[jumps when Gibbs touches her shoulder] Gibbs! Are you trying to give me heart palpitations?

Gibbs

No. What do you got, Abs?

Abby

Heart palpitations.

Ziva

Tony!! [jumps on Tony to cover him from a bomb blast]

Tony

This is nice. I miss the old Ziva.

Ziva

I can tell.

Tony

Don't flatter yourself. That's just my knee.

Ziva

So, Matt Lane planted a bomb then stayed behind to unpyer a game rather than flee the scene.

Tony

We told you Ziva.

Gibbs

It's baseball.

Ziva

Huh

Nice

Ziva

You two need a moment.

Tony

You'll understand. Eventually

Ziva

Will I? (Goes to grab mitts and baseball)

Ziva

Hey Gibbs, Have a catch?

McGee

Wow, look at this. So, you do know a little somethin about baseball. Huh!

Ziva

Yeah. My father taught me.