Tony DiNozzo quotes from NCIS

Tony

I have to break one of your rules, boss. Number six: never say you're sorry. I let things get out of control in the hotel room.

Gibbs

Ah, it's covered. Rule eighteen.

Tony

Oh, yeah. It's better to seek forgiveness than ask permission. Am I forgiven?

Gibbs

No. You've been distracted by your father.

Tony

It's that obvious?

Tony

(on the phone) For the last time, my name is Anthony DiNozzo, Junior. My father is Anthony DiNozzo, Senior. I live in Washington, D.C. He lives in New York City. Is that so complicated? Junior, Senior? Can you follow that?

Ziva

What is going on?

McGee

Tony's trying to withdraw money from a bank in New York, it sounds like they confused his account with one of his father's and he can't get the money.

Tony

Let me get this straight: you want me to spell my name again? Okay. It's big D as in "dimwit", little I as in "idiot", big N as in "nimrod", little O as in "obtuse", double-z as in "ZZ Top"...

Ziva

What does he need the money for?

McGee

Well, he and a couple of his frat buddies decided to take a cruise this spring.

Tony

NO, I'M NOT KIDDING!

Tony

I just sort of feel like you can use negative space to push the image, you know? It's sort of like a geometrical thing with the light coming across. I was trying to use these geometric lines and spacing. Sometimes I think maybe I should have done something more creative with my life.

No, I think you're in the right profession.

Tony

All right, Annie Leibowitz, what's wrong with my pictures?

Well, they're sort of soulless. Analytical. They look like postcards or --

Ziva

Crime scene photos.

You just need people in them. happy people-

Ziva

living people.

You are so direct. So honest. So different from him.

Ziva

Tony and I have different approaches.

You're complimentary. You're sure you two never --

Ziva

No. Positive. Definitely no. Why do you keep on asking about Tony and I?

You're like me and Daniel. A good fit. Besides, Paris is a romantic city and you two shared a room, so I --

Ziva

I took the couch. Otherwise Tony would have whined the entire flight about his back. [smiles]

McGee

Hey, in Paris, who got stuck with the couch?

Tony

Me. We flipped a coin.

McGee

Tough break. (walks away)

Ziva

Why did you just lie to McGee?

Tony

Why did you lie to Nora?

Tony

Nora was right. I found my favorite picture, and it's the only one with someone in it.

Ziva

[looks down at the picture and smiles, almost blushing]

Tony

Very french new wave, don't you think?

Ziva

Maybe. I think it would look better in black and white.

Tony

Oh no. My memory card's full. I have to delete some of my photos from Paris.

Ducky

If you have any of that pyramid outside the Louvre, delete them. That glass monstrosity is an offence to good taste.

Tony

First the plague, now radiation poisoning. I'm starting to think someone really has it in for me.

McGee

I was there, too, near the car, you know.

Ziva

We all were.

McGee

But don't let that stop you from thinking about yourself.

Tony

This isn't about me! It's about my little DiNozzo makers! They've been nuked!

McGee

I know!

Tony

Do you?! I mean, sure, Tim, your kids are going to be smart, [Ziva rolls her eyes and walks away] but mine have a shot at being really beautiful.

Ziva

What is that?

Tony

It's a Geiger counter. You can't be too careful.

Ziva

What do you think Corporal Vega was doing at an empty warehouse?

Tony

I don't know. Why don't you pick the lock and find out?

Ziva

We do not have a warrant.

Tony

This building is foreclosed, which means it's owned by the bank, and since the people own the banks I think technically we own the building.

Ziva

Wow.

Gibbs

McGee, you're with me.

McGee

Where we going?

Gibbs

To go look for the bomb.

Tony

Don't make me say it, McGee.

McGee

We'll be careful, Tony.

Tony

[He is inside the van] Last one to use the van should have to clean it out. Should be a rule.

Ziva

There is.

Tony

Well, who was the last one to use it?

Ziva

You were.

Tony

[Laughs] I don't think so, 'cause it smells like falafels and I know a certain back-up probie agent that smells a little falafely. You wanna' help?

Ziva

Sure.

Tony

Thank you.

Ziva

[Kicks the trash can over to Tony and walks over to Damon Werth]

Probie?

Ziva

Yeah, I'm in the process of becoming a sworn NCIS agent.

Don't you have to be an American citizen to join a federal agency?

Ziva

I'm also in the process of becoming an American citizen.

And I thought you had to be a legal resident for, you know...

Ziva

[Interrupting] There are a few strings being tugged.

Tony

Pulled. Pull strings.

Tug heart strings.

Ziva

The heart has strings?

According to poets.

Tony

Don't confuse the girl. Taken a lot of marionetting to get her this far.

And who's the puppet master?

Ziva

Where are we going?

Not far.

Ziva

And, uh, what are we taking? What's in the truck?

Tony

[In a car outside with McGee, wired in] What's in the truck?

McGee

What is in the truck?

[Opens truck slowly, everyone is waiting on edge]

Ziva

[After seeing the watermelon crates, sounding incredulous] Melons?

Tony

Did she say melons?

McGee

Melons in the truck.

Tony

Melons...

McGee

What are in these melons?

McGee

[opens his eyes to see Tony and Ziva standing in front of his desk] I'm awake.

Ziva

We didn't say anything, McGee.

McGee

But you did something, didn't you? What'd you do?! Did you try and put my hand in this water?

Tony

That's a little juvenile.

McGee

You drew on my face, didn't you? You drew on my face! [looks at his face]

Tony

No. I suggested stripping you naked, putting a tag on your toe and dragging you down to autopsy so that when you woke up you would think you were dead, but Ziva thought it was in poor taste.

McGee

Well, thank you, Ziva.

Tony

All right, McNosy, what do you got?

McGee

From what I can gather, Gibbs and JoAnn Fielding are very estranged.

Ziva

The woman lost her daughter and granddaughter. Now her fiancé died in her arms and her former son-in-law is investigating! Show some sympathy!

Tony

Maybe she's cursed! Like a Kennedy!

McGee

Minus the grassy knoll.

Ziva

I heard about that! The shooter was really in the book suppository!

Tony

Depository.

Ziva

That's what I said.

Tony

You want to learn about being a real man, McGee, you've got to study the Japanese samurai. These guys are like Gibbs, with even bigger stones and less to say.

McGee

Is that even possible?

Tony

Aren't you hot?

Ziva

[smirks] I've been told that before.

Tony

I'm talking about temperature!

Ziva

Stop complaining. This is what winter feels like in Israel.

Tony

Well, we're not in Israel. We're in the good, old U.S. of A, my little immigrant friend, where we like to embrace central air, not melanoma.