[After a normal piece of music is heard, a better piece of background music begins to play.]
CCrow
Hit me!
A band concert under warm, tropical skies.
CCrow
The music of John Phillips Salsa.
S6The Beast of Yucca Flats
It has formed a continuing pattern of progress that started more of a quarter of a century ago.
[The background music ends, and we fade to another scene.]
MCMike, Crow, Servo
A CENTURY AGO!
[Over a shot of cows grazing..]
CACrow [as Narrator]
Here are some moo cows.
The largest crop is sugar cane, which has been cultivated here for centuries.
MAMike [as Narrator]
...so you can sugar-frost your damn cornflakes! Filthy American pigs.
[As the narrator talks about Puerto Rico's most famous export, rum, we see workers at a bottling plant.]
SAServo [as worker, drunkenly]
I love this job!
Almost all of the rum sold in the U.S. is produced here, and its export is vital to the economy.
CACrow [as Narrator]
So, drink rum constantly.
[Shot of front of Digital building, with a flying saucer-like in the foreground.]
CCrow
Why, even aliens from Mars are here!
[The segment on features an explosion, followed by more shots.]
CCrow
Then KISS came to town!
MAMike [as Narrator]
We don't know what this is, folks, but it's definitely Puerto Rico stuff.
. . .
[We see record players being made.]
These'll nevr go out of style.
CCrow
Comes complete with a Peter Frampton album.
[The short ends with the shots seen in the opening again.]
CCrow
Okay, we'll move there!
Can you dig it? Can you dig it? Can you dig it? Can you dig it?
[Over the short's closing screen]
MAMike [as Narrator]
We would like to apologize to all the people of Puerto Rico that we did not offend.
The Beast of Yucca Flats (movie)
[The opening credits roll over footage of a beaten-down shack in the middle of the desert.]
Get off my land, you credits!
. . .
[The credits reveal the film's "special guest star", Tor Johnson as the titular beast.]
Ah. Huh, I figured Tor Johnson would play the Butler.
Tor Johnson as the Beast, that's just smart casting.
[During a chase scene.]
Beautiful, just beautiful. ... Off-camera excitement the Coleman Francis way.
Kenneth Branagh's Mary Shelley's Bram Stoker's Wes Craven's Tim Burton's Beast of Yucca Flats. A Francis Ford Coppola film.
Flag on the moon. How'd it get there?
These are all just random sentences, folks.
Touch a button, things happen.
...Uh, sometimes.
Joseph Javorsky.
CACrow [as Narrator]
Rootie patootie.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.