[Shots of a school are shown.]
Bilingual schools.
MAMike [as Narrator]
Bisexual students.
S6The Beast of Yucca Flats
[The short's title is first mentioned by the narrator over the main theme.]
CCrow
Oh. When did they change the name?
A Quinn Martin production.
MCMike, Crow, Servo
[as the music ends] PUERTO RICO!
A land the size of Rhode Island, it is just as American in its way of life.
CACrow [as Narrator]
So you might as well just stay where you are.
[Over a shot of a Burger King...]
Ah, indigenous cuisine!
[Over quick shots]
With this, and this, and that!
[Over a shot of cash being given to an anonymous hand]
CCrow
Here, money is exchanged for coconuts.
[Students are shown at college.]
Latka Gravas goes to class.
CACrow [as Latka]
Thank you veddy much.
CCrow
It's Room Dos-Dos-Dos!
[Over a shot of an airplane landing, in the midst of a soundtrack that consists mostly of blaring horns...]
MAMike [as Narrator]
Here, we're flying in another trumpet section.
[On the next piece of background music]
CCrow
Okay, let's get funky.
For the visitor, Progress Island offers a tremendous variety of experiences, beginning with the rich and colorful heritage of the Caribbean.
CACrow [as Narrator]
...which we buried in order to build skyscrapers.
MAMike [as Narrator]
Look, just come here!
[Another piece of background music ends.]
MCMike, Crow, Servo
PROGRESS!
[As we watch traditional Puerto Rican folk dancing...]
CCrow
Valerie Harper look-a-like contests are held.
Yes, no matter what the culture, folk dancing is stupid.
Here, Up With People get down.
[A piece of background music ends over a shot of a roulette game in progress.]
MCMike, Crow, Servo
GAMBLING!
Condominiums, leisure villages, and a complete range of outdoor activities make Progress Island an ideal place to live for every member of the family.
Except Mom, Dad, Brother, Sister, Grandpa, Grandma...
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