Mystery Science Theater 3000 · Season 10
[After Gilbert, a rather rotund man, wishes there were no springs, Coily magically makes them disappear from the world.]
So, one clod says one thing and the whole world pays???
No springs? I don't care. There's still butter and meatloaf.
[After Gilbert discovers he can't even operate his car without springs, Coily appears.]
Noooo springs! [laughs]
Awww, gee, Coily, I didn't realize what I was wishing. I'm sorry for everything I said. Can't we call the whole thing off? Isn't there anything I can do? Please let me take back my wish.
[rubs chin in thought] Wellll...
NO!
Okay! I'll do it, just this once! But next time, be careful! Don't ever make that wish again!
. . .
[With that, Coily makes all the springs reappear into existence.]
So Coily waited all eternity for this moment and he backs down almost instantly?
You see all spring action depends on elasticity: the ability of material to return to it's original form after it's been forced out of shape...
...by anti-spring extremists.
[In a monologue about springs directed at his golf partners, implied by several cuts to be extremely lengthy]
I never realised until lately that springs have such a universal use. Why, there's springs in mousetraps, guns, exercisers, hinges, pogo sticks...
Guns, huh?
Why, I can't think of anything that doesn't involve the use of a spring in one way or another! [inexplicably looks into sky]
Hey, look! God has a spring!
[Gilbert finally finishes lecturing his friends on springs as he pulls up to Joe's house.]
Hey, Joe! Wake up!
It's Coily's army of darkness! Look!
. . .
You and your springs! I hope I never see another--
Stop! Don't say it! Don't ever wish anything like that as long as you live!
[Gilbert looks down to see Coily the Spring Sprite materialize on his car seat. Coily cackles.]
You'll be the first to die!
["A Jam Handy Production" credit is shown]
Jam Handy, reminding you to keep your preserves in a convenient place!
Squirm (movie)
[The title SQUIRM appears on the screen.]
Well, I don't know why, but okay.
[Mike, Crow, and Servo all squirm around in their seats.]
[the preface ends with "This is the story..."]
[dramatically] Of a man named Jed!
JEDDDDD!!!
[Roger emerges and threatens our hero; after having had worms burrow into his face earlier]
You gonna be da worm face!
No, you gonna be da worm face!
[Mama Sanders and Geri get into an argument over Geri's "gentleman caller."]
Alright, alright, I'll stop butting in.
Mom, you don't even have a butt.
I just don't want you to be too disappointed if he doesn't come.
Mother! That's private.
[in her exaggerated Southern accent] I never saw such a storm...
I do hope Ashley Wilkes can get through.
[Geri introduces Mick to her family.]
Mick got off the bus and fell in the swamp! He's soaked clean through, even his suitcases.
Well... well, you can give him some of Daddy's old clothes. They're upstairs in the trunk in the storage room.
... along with Daddy.
[Geri wants to help Nick fetch some plywood for the windows.]
No, no, no -- you stay here. Your mother looks like she's about to crack. I'll be back before it gets dark.
Mom cracked in 1953.
[Partially worm-eaten Roger spies on the Sanders' home from outside in the dark.]
Isn't she lovely?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
