Mystery Science Theater 3000 · Season 10
[Hamlet talks with Ophelia in her "closet".]
My prince…
… are back from Fotomat.
. . .
I never gave you aught.
Tscha!
My honored prince… you know right well you did.
Right well did not!
I like him not...
I like him. NOT!
To be or not to be...
The literary equivalent of "Da-da-da-dunnn!"
That is the question.
I'll take "to be" for 50, Alex.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune...
Starring Shelly Long and Bette Midler!
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing end them?
Ow, my shin's right on the edge of a stair.
To die: to sleep.
Yeah, that's what we're doing right now, Bub.
No more; and by a sleep to say we end the heart-ache and the tousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to...
Ok, we need a predicate, now.
...'tis a consummation devoutly to be wish'd.
Especially with Ophelia, man! [snickers]
Oh, you...
To die, to sleep.
To SLEEP!
Whoa, that's an old chesnut.
To sleep...
To SLEEEEEP
Perchance to dream...
The impossible DREAM?
Aye, there's the rub.
I knew I had some rub left...
. . .
...When he himself might his quietus make with a bare bodkin?
Heh, he said "bare bodkin," hehe.
Who would fardels bear...
Ha, fardels...
. . .
And makes us rather bear those ills we have than fly to others--
SUM UP!
--that we know not of?
. . .
So I'm a chicken for not stabbing myself--that's all you needed to say!
[Having stabbed an intruder behind Gertrude's tapestry, Hamlet discovers it is not the King, but Polonius.]
Thou wretched, rash, intruding fool!
Oh, right, it's my fault you killed me.
Forty thousand brothers could not, with all their quantity of love, make up my sum.
Fifty thousand, maybe.
[Hamlet and Laertes prepare to fence.]
Give us the foils.
We shall some potatoes bake.
[King Claudius holds out a cup of poisoned wine to Hamlet.]
Here, to thy health.
...coming to a sudden end.
[Claudius can only stare helplessly as Gertrude drinks the poison meant for Hamlet.]
Oh. Great. Well, not looking forward to the Danish singles scene again...
[As the film ends, a card is shown reading "You have seen Hamlet by William Shakespeare."]
Hamlet will be back in "Thunderball".
Well, it shouldn't drink so much coffee!
[Cathy Beck groans as Dr. Kipling prepares a huge hypodermic needle for her husband.]
Posed like this in Playgirl, only without my pants!
[Kipling and his staff finally stop John Beck's seizure from the rabies vaccine.]
Um... do you have any drug allergies?
[Cathy tracks down Dr. Kipling on the ski slopes.]
Dr. Kipling?
Rikki-Tikki-Tavi's waiting for you.
. . .
Mrs. Beck...
...you're a loser, baby.
[Man-bat Beck closes the barn door and stumbles around in the dark.]
Leave the door closed? What, were you born in a house?
[Cathy, now apparently a bat as well, walks back into the caves to join her husband]
Now, wait a minute... how did she turn into a bat? The only contact she had with him was in the hotel and...
[Pause]
[horrified] ...Oh, my god.
[disgusted] GAH!
[They rush out of the theater]
OH MY GOD! I get the shower first!
No, me first!
Urgh!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
