[Over the end credits theme, "You Better Run" by Bill Scott]
BSBill Scott
You better ru-u-un
Or he'll steal your lunch!
BSBill Scott
You better hi-i-ide
BSBill Scott
You better ru-u-un
BSBill Scott
Cause he won't stop till he gets his man
. . .
BSBill Scott
They say his kind isn't bound for heaven/The ranger...
Takes a roast and wraps it in bacon
BSBill Scott
That may be true
But there's potatoes on the si-i-ide! Woo!
Yeah! Pass the gravy now!
You know, maybe we should lay off the food jokes, guys.
Yeah, I guess it's not really fair to Joe Don Baker.
I mean, some people just metabolize a little slower –
MEATBALLS FRIED IN LA-A-ARD!
All right, Servo! Sorry, Mike, all bets are off.
CSCrow and Servo
Eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, munch, munch, munch, munch, chew, chew, chew, chew, gorge, gorge, gorge, gorge, burp, burp, burp, burp, STUFF LOTS OF FOOD IN YOUR MEAN BABY FA-A-ACE!
Oh, now you guys prepared that.
Come on, it's an obvious line, Mike.
Pork chops, cream puffs, candy bars!
Pizzas, Cheetos, Mallomars!
He won't stop till he eats it a-a-all!
MLMike [leaves]
Yeah, OK, that's it. I'm going, you guys. Do your food jokes.
Yeah! Give me seconds, baby!
Hey, baby, you gonna finish that?
Anyone gonna eat that last piece of cake? 'Cause I will!
Aw, somebody give me a napkin!
[A dishevelled Hamlet with mussed hair ominously approaches Ophelia.]
SAServo [as Hamlet]
Ugh. I stuck a fork in the outlet.
. . .
[Hamlet stares intently at Ophelia, then puts a hand to his head.]
MAMike [as Hamlet]
[in stoner voice] Oh, man. Me and Horatio got blasted on aquavit -- woke up on the express bus to Copenhagen.
The literary equivalent of "Da-da-da-dunnn!"
I'll take "to be" for 50, Alex.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune...
Starring Shelly Long and Bette Midler!
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing end them?
Ow, my shin's right on the edge of a stair.
Yeah, that's what we're doing right now, Bub.
No more; and by a sleep to say we end the heart-ache and the tousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to...
Ok, we need a predicate, now.
...'tis a consummation devoutly to be wish'd.
Especially with Ophelia, man! [snickers]
Whoa, that's an old chesnut.
I knew I had some rub left...
. . .
...When he himself might his quietus make with a bare bodkin?
Heh, he said "bare bodkin," hehe.
Who would fardels bear...
. . .
And makes us rather bear those ills we have than fly to others--
. . .
So I'm a chicken for not stabbing myself--that's all you needed to say!
[Having stabbed an intruder behind Gertrude's tapestry, Hamlet discovers it is not the King, but Polonius.]
Thou wretched, rash, intruding fool!
CACrow [as Polonius]
Oh, right, it's my fault you killed me.
