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Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes

3,167 quotes · page 151 of 212

Mystery Science Theater 3000

S9Devil Fish

[That night, the squads are still looking for the Devil Fish.]

SGSheriff Gordon

Squad number one. Report in.

SMSquad Member

Squad number one, Sheriff. Ain't seen nothing yet.

CACrow [as Squad Member]

B-b-b-baby, we ain't seen n-n-nothing yet, over.

. . .

SGSheriff Gordon

Squad number two. Squad number two!

SAServo [as dead squad member]

We done been et, over!

. . .

SGSheriff Gordon

Squad number two. Squad number two!

Oh, they'll be number two soon enough.

. . .

[The rednecks of Squad Number Two become a light snack for the Devil Fish.]

SAServo [as Devil Fish]

[singing to Neil Young's "Southern Man"] Southern man, gonna eat your head!

. . .

[The Sheriff and the other squads arrive and again pour gasoline into the water.]

Well, this should take care of every living thing in the Everglades.

. . .

[The squads are playing flamethrowers over the gasoline, cooking the Devil Fish.]

SAServo [as Sheriff]

Okay, now, throw in the diced onions and celery and chopped porcini mushrooms!

Does the Coast Guard have a lot of use for flamethrowers?

. . .

[Close up of burning water.]

Eww, someone threw a match on the Cuyahoga River.

S9The Screaming Skull

CACrow [as Gumby]

One of my classmates died in the kiln today, mother.

[One of the robots doing Gumby's yardwork drives its lawnmower through the fence into the next yard.]

Hey, don't! That's Wallace and Gromit's yard!

[Another robot chops down a tree.]

Hey! That's old-growth clay!

. . .

[Another robot is ripping slats from the garage.]

Habitat Against Humanity.

[Gumby's dad Gumbo arrives at the house, where we see a cloud -- actually, a piece of white fluff -- stuck on the construction-paper sky.]

CACrow [as Weatherman]

It's a fair to partly-cottony day…

GSGumby's Mother

Such clever boys certainly deserve crackers with their milk!

Crackers? Wow! Maybe they can have white rice later!

[A robot is digging up the flower garden.]

CACrow [as mobster]

Gotta move this body back upstate.

[A robot throws a wrench at Gumbo, which goes through him and leaves a wrench-shaped hole in his torso.]

Liquid metal!

[The camera cuts to Gumby's reaction.]

MAMike [as Gumby]

Hey, you can throw things through Dad! I'm gonna get an anvil!

[Gumbo flies through the air and lands, legs spread, on the roof of the neighboring house.]

MAMike [as Gumbo]

Thank goodness for the internal genitalia!

[Gumby's stacked mother gives a stern look at a robot who's invaded the house.]

CACrow [as Gumby's Mother]

That squares my breasts!

[A robot head hangs over a garage door with the words, "THE END".]

Aah! They hung his head! Oh…

Now I'm ready for years of powerful Adlerian therapy, Mike.

They hung his head... oh... oh this is worse than Se7en!

Hey! His bump is on the other side!

The Screaming Skull (movie)

EEric

Jenni, this is Mickey.

MAMike [as Eric]

Mickey's a wide-awake nightmare!

[Jenni goes to Marian's room, grabs a skull she found in the chifforobe, and flings it out the window.]

Alas, poor Yorick! She threw him well!

[Jenni pours her heart out to Reverend Snow, who looks grim.]

MAMike [as Rev. Snow]

Have you tried talking to your minister about this?

[The face on Marian's tombstone briefly appears to morph into a skull as Eric looks at it.]

SAServo [as Eric]

Don't you make that skull face at me, missy!

[As Jenni runs from Marian's ghost, the soundtrack has a soprano singing an erratic sequence of creepy notes.]

Kiri Te Kanawa is drunk again!

These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.