Mike Nelson quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

Mike

This is gonna be hot, hot, hot!

Servo

Mork calling Orson...

Hey, I'm trying to sleep in here!

Servo

That is one bloodshot eye.

Oh, wait. That's my Silly Putty.

[singing] How dry I am-- [hiccups]

And finally, the fully developed chick is ready to start breaking out of its shell.

Sticks of dynamite are arranged carefully around the perimeter.

[singing] Come on down and meet everybod-- Oh, sorry.

Mike

I hate it when people tape their own deliveries.

Servo

Aren't there supposed to be pantyhose in there?

Oh, what did I do last night?

Garage sale. Goodwill. Save for the kids.

It's nice. You know, it's small, the walls are neutral.

Hi, Cindy. I'm so glad I'm gonan be in your group. This is gonna be a fun group!

Mike

40 piece chicken nuggets to go!

Mike

That guy's escaping disguised as a chicken!

Chickens!

How many are you sitting on?

Dad went a little nuts this Easter.

Their immediate destination after leaving the incubator...

Broadway!

...is the brooder house.

Designed by Frank Lloyd Wright.

The range shelter should be very small, not holding more than a hundred birds.

Or migrant workers.

The shelter protects them from the sun and gives them a safe place to roost out of the way of rodents.

RODENTS?! AAAAHHH!!

Remember the old henhouse?

Servo

The one with the rats?

It's now a hotel... a pullet hotel.

Mike

Rooms by the hour.

A hen that lays 210 eggs a year and eats 70 pounds of feed is giving you 3 eggs for every pound you feed her.

She will live.

Keep that one.

She's worth millions.

But if she eats 70 pounds of feed and lays only 70 eggs a year, you better send her to the market or to your dinner table.

Servo

Or put a warning slip on her desk.

...and this is a good place to point out a few facts about eggs.

Stop throwing them at my car!

So put your mouth under a chicken.

Lick your eggs, or have a friend lick them.

Mike

It's Goofus and Gallant.

This could be your drumstick. This is the number to call.

Servo

[dripping with sarcasm] Oh, thanks for the generous portion!

Yes, chicken sliced to the width of one electron.

Servo

These must be models' portions.

This one's for you, Miss Moss, and for you, Miss Turlington...

[in Ritzy accent] Yes, it's chicken. Glorious American chicken sliced the American way!

But it's your pocketbook that profits most when you send this bird to market.

We bring you now to market.

Servo

Ah. He's drunk! Look at him.

Servo

[to Mike] Put your hand up. Buy a chicken.

Mike

[raises his hand] I want one...

Alright, come on, sing, sing! Row, row, row-- you're not singing!

Hundreds of live chickens can be speeded on their way to the dressing plant.

Dressing plant? Sounds like fun.

Servo

I want a new hat.

One truck can handle thousands of eggs and take them anywhere there to market.

Mike

Even to the Texaco station.