Tom Servo quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

[singing] It's not just my arm that is bleeding / It's part of my neck meat as well / But it's mainly my ego that's bleeding / Why must I come out of my shell?

[singing] Sure, everyone knows me as Gamera / The turtle the kids all adore / But if I get stabbed by a Jiger / Will they even like me anymore?

[singing] For the love of the children is fickle / You have it, then it disappears / They'll love you, and leave you tomorrow / As soon as the city smoke disappears.

[singing] You'd say Gamera, sure he's got everything / The power, flight, looks, and fame / Then into town swims Kaiju come lately / They don't even remember my name.

[singing] Gamera's the friend of all children / Of that, the whole world can agree / Oh Gamera's friends with the children / But who gives their friendship to me?

[singing] Sure, I've been singing a long time / I'm a ham with a long way to go / Because after all, I'm a turtle / And turtles do everything slow.

[singing] And turtles do everything slooow...

[singing] Come with me, and you'll see, a world of turtle respiration! Steal your dad's submarine, and attempt resuscitation.

Tommy, I think this is it over here. Dr. Matsui, there's a small hole in his side.

A hole? Be very careful.

Servo

Watch out for snakes.

[singing] Gamera take the body home! Gonna eat the flesh from bone! Keto diet Gamera!

Oh weird, they're being trailed by cans and a banner that says "Just married".

[singing] Gamera's a movie that has no end in sight! No going home! This is now your life!

Batwoman, when will you release your tax returns?

Servo

Batwoman, what's your position on pants?

Is it true the Snyder Cut of Batwoman has 25% more spearfishing?

You're about to witness the discovery of the century!

Stock footage!

From the depths of the ocean, over 400 million years ago, surfaced the beginnings of the human race!

Is this a Scientology pitch?

And it all began with the first vertebrate, the fish! Starting from that point, we will make the regress into the dawn of evolution.

Oh, edibles are hitting.

And we will create a new being with the likeness of our ancestors: a human amphibious hybrid! [laughs maniacally]

Oh, now I hate when comedians laugh at their own jokes.

[bringing Batwoman to Dr. Williams] Boss, look who we found! Get in here!

Pow!

Servo

Biff!

Grab!

Lunge!

Servo

Acid!

Servo

[singing to the chase music] Baaatwoman swerves. Baaatwoman drives. With Baaatwoman nerve, Baaatwoman jives!

See, this is why you've got to have a dashcam.

Ah, yeah. Honk your horn. That'll show 'em.

I'm pretty sure she was in the Aquabats.

Servo

Well, she's in Phish now.

Clearly.

Servo

Kelp! I need somebody...

Please no. Please no.

Servo

I get by with a little kelp from my friends...

No no no, you really shouldn't.

Servo

Sorry. I can't kelp myself.

Uuugh!

It'll be interesting to see if a woman can survive this kind of surgery and restore her pineal fluids without dying. Up to date, no man has been able to, but maybe the female gender is actually the most adequate to carry out this experiment for biological reasons.

You're insane, doctor!

You may be right, but as a matter of fact, there's an invisible line separating insanity and genius!

Servo

The Kanye line.

Servo

Chernobyl for a prom theme. What were they thinking?

Alright, you're gonna wanna cook me at 350 degrees for about 70 minutes, you'll know when I'm done when a fork easily pierces my skin. Load me up with butter and don't skimp on the chives. I'm a potato.

Funny, I still think of myself as an Earth child.

Servo

Emily, do you still think of yourself as an Earth child?

Oh, I don't know. Ask me after I've been here for seven years.

Uh, no human has ever lived here that long. Just ask the other guys.

Wait, what?

[to Jason Caball] Let me lead the way.

Aw, that's sweet. Would you guys ever escort me into a dangerous unknown situation?

Servo

Uh, I'd walk with you so I could better criticize your choices.

I'd let you walk in front of me so you could shield me from the worst of the shrapnel.

Servo

And I'd definitely film the whole thing for WorldStarHipHop.

WorldStar!

Hey, what would you call an almost perfect ripoff of the USS Enterprise?

Servo

The USS Compromise.

For a bobblehead, you're really judgemental. And racist.

Aye-aye-aye-aye-aye...

Michael? I heard low brass. Did something ominous just happen, Michael? [Mrs. Kelly opens the door] Michael where are- oh! [Mrs. Kelly screams in horror]

He died doing what he loved: jazz hands.