Tom Servo quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

But wait a minute, you may be saying...

Why am I watching this?

Can those chicks just out of the shell be sent without food on trips of a day, two days, even three?

Servo

You bet!

Indeed they can!

Servo

[surprised] ...Heh, I was right!

Their immediate destination after leaving the incubator...

Broadway!

...is the brooder house.

Designed by Frank Lloyd Wright.

From now on, their main job in life is to eat and grow.

Servo

[singing] Eat and grow forever...

The range shelter should be very small, not holding more than a hundred birds.

Or migrant workers.

The shelter protects them from the sun and gives them a safe place to roost out of the way of rodents.

RODENTS?! AAAAHHH!!

Heavens, I'm so fat. I just look at chicken feed and I gain weight.

Does this taste funny to you?

You know how chickens are.

Servo

Yeah, they own everything.

Remember the old henhouse?

Servo

The one with the rats?

It's now a hotel... a pullet hotel.

Mike

Rooms by the hour.

Open your hymnals to number 325.

Everybody! Soylent Green is made from chickens!

A hen that lays 210 eggs a year and eats 70 pounds of feed is giving you 3 eggs for every pound you feed her.

She will live.

Keep that one.

She's worth millions.

But if she eats 70 pounds of feed and lays only 70 eggs a year, you better send her to the market or to your dinner table.

Servo

Or put a warning slip on her desk.

Servo

[dripping with sarcasm] Oh, thanks for the generous portion!

Yes, chicken sliced to the width of one electron.

Servo

These must be models' portions.

This one's for you, Miss Moss, and for you, Miss Turlington...

[in Ritzy accent] Yes, it's chicken. Glorious American chicken sliced the American way!

Servo

Ah. He's drunk! Look at him.

Servo

[to Mike] Put your hand up. Buy a chicken.

Mike

[raises his hand] I want one...

Alright, come on, sing, sing! Row, row, row-- you're not singing!

Hundreds of live chickens can be speeded on their way to the dressing plant.

Dressing plant? Sounds like fun.

Servo

I want a new hat.

One truck can handle thousands of eggs and take them anywhere there to market.

Mike

Even to the Texaco station.

Hal? Hal? Hal?

Open the pod bay doors, Hal.

Hey fella, why the long face?

Mike

Now, come on...

[laughing] I'm sorry, I couldn't...

Mike

I begged you not to do that!

I know...

Servo

That hurts.

Servo

He can't decide if he's a creeper, a peeper, a stalker, a walker, a backbreaker...

In today's job market, you can't afford not to diversify.