Scenes with Crow T. Robot 1,239
[Explaining Fingal's problem, secretly watching movies doing work]
AAppalonia
He was working in the data flow center of NoviCorp as a processor third class. He had a terrible job: monitoring routine data output on global climate control.
[The Warner Brothers logo appears on Fingal's screen.]
And its effect on Bugs Bunny.
. . .
Man, never show a good movie in the middle of your crappy movie.
. . .
AAppalonia
And he'd been doing it for a few weeks before they caught him doing it.
MAMike [as Appalonia]
Data entrying with no pants.
. . .
[Fingal gets caught.]
CCrow
We now return to Billy Madison.
[A shuttle passenger dashes empoverished Fingal's hopes of "doppling" into a stallion.]
I got 47 credits. What kind of a dopple do you think that buys?
SPShuttle Passenger
An anteater... maybe.
CCrow
Whoa, huge slam on anteaters out of nowhere!
[Fingal's sleeping body is silhouetted against his identicube.]
CCrow
Doctor Who... the hell cares!
You know, isn't it weird how life imitates art, and I'm, like, sleeping right now, too?
[The "doppled" Fingal is looking at a giraffe.]
What happened to him? He looks drunk to me!
CACrow [as giraffe]
I'm on medication, okay?
[Fingal's identicube begins flahing red.]
CCrow
Must be Christmas on the Borg ship.
[singing] See you on the dark side of Raul...
[Fingal is talking to Pierre, a Peter Lorre lookalike.]
. . .
CCrow
Who's he trying to do? Jimmy Stewart? Uh, James Cagney. No, no, no, wait... John Kenneth Gaulbraith. No, no, no, Ram Jazz. Uh, Terry "Hulk" Hogan, maybe...
[On the name of "The Place"]
Formerly "That Other Place".
Yeah, they hired a huge consulting firm for millions of bucks, and this was the name they thought up.
. . .
. . .
. . .
CCrow
It's changed ownership. Now it's a gentleman's club.
[While stuck inside the NoviCorp computer, Fingal is told to go about his normal data processing routines.]
I can't take this anymore... I'm so bored!
[Mike and the bots all look around]
OK, which one of us said that?
CCrow
I felt it, I don't...
. . .
Listen! We're nothing more than a byte in a giant computer!
MCMike, Crow, Servo [as co-workers]
[dully] I'm okay with that.
. . .
[Fingal holds up a bunch of cards and they turn into flowers.]
CACrow [as co-worker]
My coffee coupon!
...
If I'm in charge of what happens to me in here. I'm not going to go on being a zombie like all those zombies at work.
CCrow
I'll be a better zombie!
[Inside Fingal's virtual world, sim-Apollonia argues with Fingal about his "romance" with a simulated co-worker.]
If this one-handed exercise is all you can think of to do with your life...
...you're a very little man, and I'm very disappointed in you!
Is this still the Officially Sanctioned Boring Part?
. . .
It's a good thing we don't have to like each other, isn't it? Because you're definitely not my kind of woman!
[Apollonia slaps him.]
CACrow [as Fingal]
Well, now you are, actually.
. . .
Fingal... I want to do the right thing... I'm just not sure what that is...
Well, slapping him seemed like a good start!
[Fingal is trying to write a computer program while in the computer.]
CComputer
What is your access code?
CCrow
Where do you want to go today? All over this movie, that's where I want to go.
CComputer
Invalid access. Quit or retry?
I'll take "Quit" for 25, Alex.
[Fingal's mainframe tampering produces a snowfall inside the simulated NoviCorp building.]
CCrow
The chairman's got really bad dandruff.
This is how much pure cocaine you would need to enjoy this movie.
. . .
MAMike [as Fingal]
I'm not cleaning it up either!
[Apollonia is trying to convince Fingal that he shouldn't stay a dopple]
Dopples don't dance, they don't make love...
[During another simulation, Fingal has been sent to the Garden of Eden.]
MCMike, Crow, Servo
[singing to the background music] You can't always get what you want...
. . .
[Two tablets fall from the sky, and Fingal catches them.]
SAServo [as God]
Here's some more commandments I forgot.
[Fingal has successfully been allowed to redistribute finance.]
CCrow
...couldn't save this film.
. . .
[At the Fat Man's office, cards begin flying out of nowhere.]
SAServo [as Fat Man]
I'm farting Monopoly cards!
Well, they're all getting credits where credits are due. [chuckles] Sorry.
[Fingal (now Rick) is sending the chairman to rehab. Appalonia suggests "doppling" him into Daisy, the baboon Fingal was originally "doppled" as.]
Daisy's too good for the bastard. He's going on as an anteater!
Lay off the anteaters! Come on!
Mystery Science Theater 3000 · 3,167 quotes
